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Am I being a bad parent... by not wanting a child with chickenpox in my son's playgroup?

We asked a group of Irish parents to weigh in on one mum’s dilemma.

AS PARENTS, WE’VE all had moments where we’ve asked ourselves if we’re getting it all wrong.

Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we’ll hear from one reader who is wondering if they’re being plain unreasonable or if they’re doing the right thing. We’ll put the dilemma to a group of parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.

This week’s dilemma

At my son’s playschool this morning, one of the mums had two kids in tow, one for the drop-off and another completely covered in chickenpox. I was so close to telling her he shouldn’t have been outside. Both kids should have stayed at home in my opinion. Am I being a bad parent? Is it unreasonable to want to tell her off?

Our parents’ anonymous responses

No, it’s not unreasonable to want to tell her off. It’s good for kids to get chickenpox, but you don’t know the health issues of every kid in the creche. That mum should have kept both kids at home unless the non-spotty one had already had chickenpox before.

No, it’s not unreasonable, but I can see both sides. In this case, I’d be happy to have my kids exposed because you want your kids to get chicken pox as young as possible. You shouldn’t be trying to avoid it. But I wouldn’t be happy if a parent was dropping off a kid with something else contagious like scarlet fever or conjunctivitis.

Maybe it’s unreasonable. Your concern is understandable, but it’s a bit misguided. It’s better to know about the illness before going full Helen Lovejoy.

Yes, it’s unreasonable. I’d be happy for my kids to attend class with those kids. I wouldn’t probably have sent mine if they were sick, but that’s a different matter. It’s better to get chickenpox out of the way early on.

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Yes, it’s probably unreasonable. My son was patient zero in his creche for chickenpox, and 18 kids ended up with it after him. We had no idea until it was too late. But if the roles had been reversed I don’t think I would have minded him getting chickenpox from another child at creche.

Yes, that’s definitely unreasonable. It wouldn’t be your place to jump right in with both feet and eat the face off the poor woman. If you are really worried, you could ask the creche what the policy is – the staff would have seen the sick kid too, and would be well used to making decisions on how to limit the spreading of an illness.

Yes, come on, you’re being unreasonable. Life with small children is an endless round of “could be contagious”. I think that mum was fine to bring them to playschool if she wasn’t dropping off the one with chickenpox.

So what’s the final tally? Is our reader being unreasonable?

No: 2
Maybe: 1
Yes: 4

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.

Do you have a parenting issue you need advice on? Do you find yourself asking if you’re being unreasonable? Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.

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Paula Lyne
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