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FOR EVERY PARENT, the thought of a young teenager getting their first phone has to be a daunting prospect.
Mobile phones have changed dramatically over the past decade, going from devices used to send text messages and make calls to handheld computers with full access to the internet.
For Jenny* – a south county Dublin mother with four children – when her eldest daughter got her first smartphone at the age of 12, it was a stressful time.
She said that she and her husband were completely unaware of what the phone could do.
“We just couldn’t keep up with what the phone could do, we were so naive at the time,” she told TheJournal.ie.
“We would have been very unaware of what could be done on the phone,” she said.
When her daughter first started to go online, her husband set up a Facebook page to monitor her activity.
“At one point I think my eldest daughter would have had about 1,200 friends on Facebook,” she said.
You wouldn’t have a clue who they were speaking to.
She recalls her daughter being completely obsessed with going online.
“I would turn off the wi-fi and bring the modem to bed with me at night.
But she would get up in the middle of the night, going downstairs and picking up the internet from the neighbour’s house.
Safer internet Day
Today marks Safer Internet Day, which aims to raise awareness around the importance of staying safe online.
According to CyberSafeIreland, the children’s internet safety charity, parents in Ireland are overwhelmed with efforts to keep their children safe while using the internet.
CyberSafeIreland’s advice to parents chimes in with what Jenny said around the difficulties of monitoring her teenagers’ online activity.
The charity has spoken to more than 4,000 children aged between 8 and 13 since it launched just over a year ago.
Its research found that over a quarter of children had been in contact with a stranger either occasionally or every day on social media, messaging or gaming platforms (5% of children on a daily basis).
The charity released an animated video (above) with guidelines for how parents could monitor their children and keep them safe on the internet. These include communication, knowing what apps and games your child is using and putting up appropriate boundaries.
Advice
Speaking at the launch of the Action Plan for Education 2017 yesterday, Taoiseach Enda Kenny also raised the issue of social media and children, telling the kids of Scoil Mhuire Óg in Dublin that “it’s not all about the ‘Likes’”.
Kenny explained that every person has different talents and told the young school children that sometimes social media tells young people they have to be the “thinnest”, the “coolest” or the “most popular”.
Don’t mind that… No one can be all of those things together.
Educating yourself
Jenny’s daughter is now 17. She has another daughter (14), and two young sons (seven and four).
As the years have gone on, access to the internet and the social media sites teenagers visit have changed. Jenny said that Facebook isn’t used as often as it was.
She finds that apps like Snapchat and WhatsApp are the most popular now.
“We’ve learnt a lot more about it now for my 14-year-old daughter,” she said.
“We’re stricter around who she contacts; tell her not to use her real name and make sure her privacy settings would be on.
It’s all about educating yourself and making them learn about the dangers and to be smart about it.
*Jenny did not want her last name used.
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There’s an app called our pact – ourpact.com
It enables you to schedule times for your child’s device to have the apps active. You can also turn them on and off at will – removes the friction of “give me the phone”.
With a phone, the phone part keeps working for texts & phone calls – this is good for safety, however almost everything else including internet access shuts down. for a tablet, only core apps keep working.
It’s free as far as I know.
I’m sorry but you don’t give a 12 year old the world at the click of a button
Pretty much impossible to stop that Adrian.
Education is key.
Technology today is similar to letting your kids ramble off for an entire day anywhere they like when they are 6,7,8,9
They could be anywhere, be with anyone, taken, who know.
Only a matter of time before they access technology, whether it’s in your home, schools mates phone, tablet, whatever. Forbidden fruit is only more attractive, more you try to prevent it the more they will hide it from you and the consequences all the worse.
Really really … really important for parents / guardians to educate and regularly speak to children, you need your child to trust you, share with you, be safe … have fun but with guidance and support.
I remember being 12 using the family computer and on an Irish chatroom Widemouth talking with complete strangers about everything as I did every day when my Mother entered the room, she told me to stay away from those chat rooms as she had just heard about the Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells soham story that was breaking at the time with the danger of speaking with strangers on the internet becoming apparent to her, she would have seen the chat room on screen but didn’t register what it was. What she also didn’t know was that I had already met up with people from that chat room and gone bowling.
In hindsight I realise how dangerous that was but also it highlights how far behind media and concern groups are with what kids are actually doing, there was a big uproar about chatrooms at the time but only because two girls had gone missing after using one.
It’s important for parents to educate themselves but also to be aware that they will never be able to stop a determined teenager from doing as they wish online. It’s better to encourage them to use good and safe practices like not providing identifiable details to strangers or in a place where strangers may access, not just their name but their e-mail address, location and their school as well. I think it’s important that the teenager feels able to talk to you about any issues which happen online as well rather than feel reluctant for fear of being blocked or forbidden from doing something they enjoy.
This is the wrong approach.
You need to raise smart & tech-savvy kids – not sheltered & isolated ones. They’ll be exposed to stuff either way. Trying to keep them away from everything online is impossible, so much better they know how to deal with it WHEN it arises.
@Jason Maguire: What an idiotic idea. I couldn’t want my daughter exposed to hardcore pornography or paedophiles even if she were completely aware of what they are and how to deal with them. Neither do I want her to see people decapitated live on a stream.
I’m lucky that as a software dev I am able to completely shut down objectionable content if I need to, however if I wasn’t then I would take the approach of a hard wired connection on the main computer in a common living area. No doubt about that.
@Dennis Laffey: so you control the internet access on her friend’s devices and in their homes too? Solid idea there.
Of course you’d block porn at home, you dope – what I’m saying is make sure they’re savvy enough to spot if some weirdo is chatting to them in a Facebook chat, or on Snapchat, or Whatsapp, etc. Don’t be naive – don’t be gullible. You cannot protect them from everything, despite you thinking you can. You don’t control the entire internet, Dennis. You control what they can see in YOUR home only.
@Jason Maguire: No need for the personal attacks Jason.
Look at what you wrote; “This is the wrong approach”.
In the context of this article (which talks about setting up basic blocking and educating children and parents about the dangers of unsupervised access to the internet) it is logical that I would assume that you are advocating for not educating children and not blocking access. Follow on with the rest of your comment and it very easy to presume that you are in favour of a laissez-faire approach to children’s access to the internet. Which is obviously crazy.
I don’t disagree with your more defined comment, but next time try to be more accurate about your opinions from the start. I am not able to guess at what you meant to type.
“You cannot protect them from everything, despite you thinking you can. You don’t control the entire internet, Dennis. You control what they can see in YOUR home only.”
I never said I could/did control the whole internet. No need to dip into logical fallacies Jason.
Well Kenny would know… he’s still Taoiseach so it’s obviously not all about the votes either
have your say