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Posh and Becks: probably used to being on the receiving end of jokes by now. Adam Davy/PA Wire

Official: The 10 funniest jokes at this year's Edinburgh Fringe

Canadian comic Stewart Francis has topped a public poll ranking the best one-liners at Edinburgh 2012. Brace yourselves…

A CANADIAN COMEDIAN’S one-liner has topped a public poll of the funniest jokes at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Stewart Francis, a regular panellist on BBC’s Mock the Week, picked up a fifth of public votes to top the poll – while also contributing another gag which came in eighth place.

Other comics who featured in the top 10 include Tim Vine, Rob Beckett, Chris Turner, George Ryegold, Lou Sanders and Nish Kumar.

Last year’s gong was taken by Nick Helm, who observed:

I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Here’s this year’s Top 10, in reverse order:

  • 10: “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn’t fancy her chances.”
    – Nish Kumar
  • 9: “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.”
    – Lou Sanders
  • 8: “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”
    – Stewart Francis
  • 7: “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.”
    – George Ryegold
  • 6: “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.”
    – Tim Vine
  • 5: “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know Y.”
    – Chris Turner
  • 4: “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.”
    – Rob Beckett
  • 3: “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
    – Will Marsh
  • 2: “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.”
    – Tim Vine
  • 1: “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”
    – Stewart Francis

Read: Britain loves Mrs Brown so much, they’ve given her a gameshow

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    Mute Dramafree 2023
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:50 PM

    To be fair…it takes a bigger person to acknowledge they are not the best person for the job. Next question is…who is?

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    Mute Carthage Kearney
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:55 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: Hopefully, someone with balls to stand up for Ireland

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    Mute Ceann Cac
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:56 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: me.

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    Mute Adam Hernes
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:11 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: Very good decision for his party. Again he surprised me. Not a typical politician glued to his chair.

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    Mute Seamus
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:33 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: No, it just takes a man who knows his time is up. Like the other ten, he will jump ship because he recognises the impending defeat he has led his party to through the relentless pursuit of foreign agendas ahead of the interests of the Irish people.

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    Mute Barney
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:50 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: I expect a narcissist of his type to move onto big EU role shortly.

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    Mute Damien Leahy
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    Mar 20th 2024, 7:49 PM

    @Dramafree 2023: only took him 7 years

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    Mute Spartacus Ireland
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:53 PM

    Trying to pretend this is no big deal?…election time now needed…the resignation of Taoiseach is a big deal this government cannot continue

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    Mute Michael Fielding
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:58 PM

    So, just wait now for the inevitable scandal, and real reason for running for the hills, to be revealed. I’m sure he’ll ride off into the sunset with his palms we’ll greased. Rotten to the core.

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    Mute Dan Ryan
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:03 PM

    @Michael Fielding: sure if no scandal comes to pass the conspiracy theorists will make up one

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    Mute Fidgenti
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    Mar 20th 2024, 4:53 PM

    @Dan Ryan: The scandal is his political career. No theories required.

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    Mute Tilal Moore
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:58 PM

    Something is off with this. Looks like he was pushed. Coveney trying not to look smug. Hopefully a general election will happen, not another ‘leader’ who does not represent the wishes of the Irish people, especially one who has publicly stated that they want to double our population

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    Mute Christopher Fealy
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:26 PM

    @Tilal Moore:they were going to have a no confidence vote on him as leaders. Which he would have lost . So saved him self Embarrassment

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    Mute Sal Paradise
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:56 PM

    @Tilal Moore: You missed out a word. “Who does not represent the wishes of “some of” the Irish people…”.

    You can’t claim that ALL Irish people have the same views as yourself.

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    Mute Jason Memail
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    Mar 20th 2024, 2:49 PM

    @Tilal Moore: Where did he publicly state that he wants to double our population?

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    Mute Tilal moore
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:36 PM

    @Jason Memail: That was Coveney in 2017 & in 2018 that Cork’s population would treble by 2038

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    Mute Tilal moore
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:44 PM

    @Sal Paradise: obviously no leader could represent the wishes of all Irish people. We do need someone though who will listen to the concerns of the majority on important issues like healthcare, immigration planning, carer support etc. A general election is the fairest way of allowing the general public to use their voice

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    Mute Navanman
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:54 PM

    You never where the best for the job

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    Mute Fiona Wyse
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:57 PM

    @Navanman: why don’t you put your name down for it then

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    Mute Dan Ryan
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:01 PM

    @Navanman: *were

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    Mute Fidgenti
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    Mar 20th 2024, 4:57 PM

    @Fiona Wyse: That’s the kind of quizzical retort you’d expect from a 6 year old.

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    Mute JP
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:51 PM

    St Patrick’s revenge.

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    Mute Ivan Dickson
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    Mar 20th 2024, 7:48 PM

    @JP: best comment so far lmao!

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    Mute Eoghan Augusta
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:17 PM

    Don’t be fooled into believing this was honourable. There is no honour in that man. He ran from a sinking ship. His name will still be attached to the many many screw ups.. He achieved nothing!

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    Mute Morticia Byrne
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:28 PM

    @Eoghan Augusta: he did achieve something though… he’s completely fecked us all over and now he gets to walk away from his mess. Probably has a cushy job in thr EU set up now.

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    Mute finbarr walsh
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    Mar 20th 2024, 4:13 PM

    @Morticia Byrne: How, with full employment, a booming economy, majority of people own their own home, airlines and airports packed with holiday makers, you couldn’t throw a stone without hitting a new car ?

    41
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    Mute noel donohue
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    Mar 20th 2024, 12:55 PM

    The government are setting up an enquiry into the reasons he resigned it will be headed up by Judge Judy.

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    Mute Gavin Gray
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:20 PM

    He never was the best person for the job.

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    Mute owen fitzgerald
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:00 PM

    He’s pulling a Bertie, the coward!! He stopped being the best person for the job when the government allowed rent prices to soar to ridiculous levels that they are now at

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    Mute New Boy
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:43 PM

    In the photo, he is turning him back to the camera .just like the way he has turned his back to the Irish people on so many occasions

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    Mute Stella Charlie
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:51 PM

    You never were the best person for the job. Just a little Torieboy boot licker.
    You ruined our country . Now take your fg/FF buddies with you. The hardship and damage you have caused on working class people is unbelievable. Maggie Thatcher would be proud of you.

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    Mute Chris
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:31 PM

    Brilliant at the beginning of pandemic, and if you don’t recognise this you’re fooling yourself, but quite bad on the big issues like housing and health system. Yes, indeed, he was perfect for the rich, for lgbt (no pb with that), but not everybody is rich or gay. He shouldn’t allowed this housing crisis, that’s absolutely incredible the way we are in now where the medium rent in Dublin is 80% of a medium wage.

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    Mute Seamus
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    Mar 20th 2024, 5:57 PM

    @Chris: Yes, the memorable quotes from Mean Girls in his national address at the Covid outset was truly brilliant. A true statesman. Definitely not an infantile narcissist.

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    Mute Brenda McCormack and Holly
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    Mar 20th 2024, 2:26 PM

    Good riddance

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    Mute Louis Jacob
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:00 PM

    Don’t like the guy or his party, but that takes balls in fairness. He’s gone up.in my estimations. He’s now at a sum total of 1

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    Mute karen delaney
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:57 PM

    Why do I feel like I want to open a bottle of Prosecco. This is the best news from the government in years.

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    Mute John Manahan
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    Mar 20th 2024, 2:38 PM

    FG have made no progress/improvements In the polls during Varadkar’s 7 year tenure. They have lost several by-elections and just recently the 2 referendums, in what was a disastrous result. The worst leader in FG’s history and one of the worst Taoisigh – he won’t be missed.

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    Mute Robert Halvey
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    Mar 20th 2024, 1:07 PM

    Considering he and ffg have had power since the foundation of the state and civil war politics are nearly finished, The grift will go on and on and on ,ps as much as I disagree with the man’s politics , I believe in democracy and he is the leader of of government and I respect that office,

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    Mute Will Q
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    Mar 20th 2024, 2:47 PM

    That took a long time to come to that realization…

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    Mute finbarr walsh
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    Mar 20th 2024, 4:06 PM

    I think I must be mad, because I believe all those who enter politics should be admired and respected no matter what their political leaning. It is not easy having your family life upset and the unnecessary vile criticism of you constantly. All TDs enter the Dail to do the best they can for the country and not for the money. If it was for money we would have thousands on each ballot paper. All politicians get it wrong but then the are human. As a wise man once said ” he who makes no mistakes knows nothing “

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    Mute Damien Leahy
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    Mar 21st 2024, 2:45 AM

    @finbarr walsh: ya you’re mad

    2
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    Mute Dawn O'Shea
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:38 PM

    All I’ll say is thank God we had a Taoiseach who was a doctor at the start of the pandemic.

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    Mute Fidgenti
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    Mar 20th 2024, 5:01 PM

    @Dawn O’Shea: And while we were building a new children’s hospital too. Made all the difference. Great work Leo.

    13
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    Mute F Fitzgerald
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    Mar 20th 2024, 10:31 PM

    @Dawn O’Shea: Yes, I’ll remember him for his efforts during the pandemic. He did more there and then to help Irish people and I’ve heard English people praising him and wishing their country had had better oversight. He also volunteered when he didn’t have to. Credit where it’s due; he did his part.

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    Mute Brian Hunt
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    Mar 20th 2024, 3:27 PM

    He never was the best person for the job!

    27
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    Mute Regular John
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    Mar 20th 2024, 7:01 PM

    “… Continue going forward” , “protect all that’s been achieved…” The man is deluded, the country hasn’t been in this bad a state for a long, long time. I struggled to watch that video, FFS, the guy is starting to cry at one stage !

    19
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    Mute Super241946
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    Mar 21st 2024, 9:52 AM

    Do I see Harris rubbing his hands (see photo) with glee anticipating his chances of being the next Taoiseach?

    1
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