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98FM’s Frank Greaney: crime reporter/wearer of shorts.
FOR SOME REASON, everybody else knew to bring shorts and t-shirt.
Perhaps there had been a Garda College email, specifying dress code, that I’d missed out on? Maybe they delivered a letter by courier that, somehow, wasn’t furnished to me in a timely manner?
Or perhaps the other members of the fourth estate who took up the force’s invitation to come down and face a fitness test had known to pack the appropriate gear merely by reading the words ‘fitness test’ on the original press release.
“Sure it would be more realistic in your civvies anyway,” came a suggestion.
Hmmm.
“If you’d rather not sure that’s grand too.”
We’d been told to get good photos, was the problem…
In fairness, that was always going to be a tall order, but now the best we could hope for was pictures of a slightly groggy-looking TheJournal.ie reporter trundling his way around comically tiny obstacles in boots that could easily knock a hole in a mid-sized glacier.
Well…
Sure those traffic cones weren’t going to run around themselves…
* * * * *
What were we all doing in Templemore anyway?
Well, seeking a little positive PR after a rough (to say the least) last year-or-so, the Gardaí had invited the media down to Tipperary for an open day ahead of the new intake of recruits — their first since 2009.
After a chat with some of the College top brass about the changes to the course (less rote-learning, more problem-solving, essentially) they were keen to show off everything Templemore had to offer.
Which was why we were in the gym at 11 o’clock in the morning being put through our paces by a no-nonsense sergeant and an irritatingly fit-looking PE teacher…
‘You all have shorts and t-shirt, yes?’
The garda hopefuls due down next month are considered the “cream of the crop” we’d been told. They’d all already passed their basic fitness tests.
Now it was our turn…
The course we were faced with didn’t look all that taxing, to be honest — but there was a general view that the time-limit was more of a concern.
For part one of the test, candidates would be expected to run through the obstacles, lift tyres, pull a surprisingly heavy dummy across the floor, duck under barriers and (a very, very Irish touch this) jump a farm gate… Then do it again. Twice. All in under 3 minutes and 20 seconds.
Part two? For that, we’d be clambering aboard the college’s push-pull machine: essentially a strength-testing device that measures how much force a person can apply by (there’s a clue in the name) pushing and pulling as hard as possible.
How did we get on? Flying the flag for the interwebs, Ireland’s no. 1 online news source (TM) was up first…
Youtube: TheJournal.ie: Although, really, it’s just a man pushing bit of metal a bit and gurning.
Surprisingly, I was 15 seconds faster than I needed to be — and scored almost double the pass mark for the push-pull test (43kg, the minimum is 25 — and yes, that counts as ‘almost double’).*
They must be letting anybody into the guards these days, you’d be forgiven for thinking. If the 24,000 hopefuls who applied had been faced with just this relatively undemanding fitness trial, Templemore staff would be out painting 23,900 extra parking spots in the college grounds right now.
Then again, that’s probably why they sent them all those aptitude tests. And carried out all those interviews.
* * * * *
Not that there’d be any danger of them “fitting me up for a uniform” as one senior garda had suggested, post-test (having surmised that, if required, I was probably the sort of fellow who could push a small hatchback out of a shallow ditch).
“What’s the cut off age for new gardaí anyway?” I’d asked, first thing that morning (knowing that — like considering a career in professional football or installing Snapchat — it was probably the sort of thing I was just too old for).
“35,” one of the college’s top trainers replied.
“Well, what’s the cut off?… I was born in February?”
“Yeah. Yeah… I’m afraid you’re too old.”
Their loss… Well, there’s always the FBI.
[Source: fbijobs.gov]
*Quite a bit stronger, but no-where near as quick on my feet as the Irish Daily Star, the Mirror, or 98FM. ‘It’s all about leverage,’ the chap assessing the push-pull thing told me afterwards — implying, of course, that I wasn’t even that strong, just a bit tall.
All photographs: Jenny Russell
The name Erwin Schrodinger will forever remind me of Leonard and Penny’s first date on The Big Bang Theory
Did he live, or is it just more likely that he lived here than didn’t
He was Jewish so I’d imagine from 1938 onwards Vienna wasn’t a very safe place for him.
He wasn’t Jewish, by origin or belief. His personal life was colourful, shall we say. A bit of a lad.
We’d claim anything.
His son got an All Ireland hand ball medal
Erwin O’ Schrödinger he was great craic
First thing that came to mind was The Big Bang Theory :)
I had a cat named after him, was always worried coming home , was always 50/50
Yes we did actually,
Albert Folen (yes the one who make the books) was a Belgian Nazi & he came here
I know Dev loved the Nazi’s but I didn’t think he imported them
That’s just silly.
It’s Monday, Monday’s are my silly days
I’d say you have a silly day most days
People need a bit more silliness.
That is true. Is that why you call yourself right wing?
I find myself to be more stage-right wing these days
Do receptionists believe you when you check into hotels with that name?
Schroedinger was Jewish!!
You must be getting old Steve they say you become more right wing as you get older. No I never usually give my real name when checking into hotels I usually use Jones for my second name. ;)
Has everybody tried “Gizoggle”? Google it and have fun with all websites.
Brilliant
Ahh…..I was actually wondering today what the doodle was about. Thanks for info Journal !
Thats the national inferority complex soothed again for this week.
Wonder did he meet Alosis Hitler and Bridget Dowling when he was here ??Yup Hitlers half brother worked for four years in the Gresham hotel and shacked up with and eloped with a good Dublin girl to Liverpool where he dumped her and went home to Germany.She had a son by him William Patrick Hitler,who was a bit of a lad,and didnt impress uncle Adolf at all. So william emigrated to the USA,and joined the US navy and the Yanks made great value of young William fighting against his uncle.
Wonder why we never claim the good witrh the bad??
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