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Living alone in old age: 'When my wife died, I discovered I didn't have close friends. It's lonely'

Alone, a charity for older people, has launched its Christmas campaign – No one should be alone this Christmas.

[image alt="ALONE" src="http://cdn.thejournal.ie/media/2017/11/alone-14-296x197.jpg" width="296" height="197" credit-source="Jason%20Clarke" caption="Alone's%20Christmas%20campaign%20launch%20with%20Vincent%20Browne%20" class="alignnone" /end]

“IT’S LONELY AROUND Christmas time. One is made more aware of living on one’s own.”

Donald, an ex-journalist, once lived a very social and active life alongside his wife. However, when she passed away in 2008 Donald found himself living alone in solitude – joining the thousands of other older people across the country who are living alone.

In Ireland, one-third of people over the age of 65 live alone, rising to 60% for those over the age of 80. A striking one in 10 older people suffer from chronic loneliness.

As the years went by without his wife, Donald began to suffer from loneliness and longed for company.

“I was a very social person. When my wife died 10 years ago, I discovered that I didn’t have any close friends because were were a partnership and we were our own closest friends,” Donald told TheJournal.ie. 

“You can’t replace that very easily. I have one son that lives in London and while it’s ok having Skype, it’s not the same as having an intelligent conversation face to face.”

Donald made the decision to seek out support. He contacted Alone, the charity that supports older people to age at home.

Alone works with those who have issues with loneliness, social isolation, lack of services, poor health, poverty and homelessness. It offers a befriending service, where older people living alone are paired up with a volunteer who provides regular home visits.

So far, Donald has had three home visits from an Alone volunteer. He’s always noticing a positive change in his life.

“It has made a great difference. No matter how you get by on a day to day basis, talking to people and dealing with what has to be dealt with, it’s not the same as sitting down for a chat about common interests and the world in general,” Donald said.

Spending Christmas alone

This Christmas will be Donald’s first with the support of Alone. Until now, he said that Christmas has been a particularly lonely period every year. Although he lives in a residential area of bungalows for older people, Donald said his neighbours aren’t particularly interested in socialising, even at Christmas.

It’s slightly lonelier around Christmas time. One is made more aware of living on one’s own.

Annette, a 68-year-old woman also from Ranelagh, has lived alone for years. She never married and has no children.

She, too, turned to Alone for support when she began to feel loneliness seep into her life. Speaking to TheJournal.ie, Annette had nothing but praise for the service and the positivity it has brought into her life.

“My health and everything has improved a thousand out of a thousand since I contacted Alone,” Annette said.

Annette meets up with her volunteer once a week. They go for walks or to a coffee shop for a chat. Annette’s volunteer has brought more than just company into her life, but friendship too.

“She’s a friend, she’s a very good friend. If I wanted to go anywhere locally or further away she would come with me,” Annette said.

“She’s a very nice woman and she’s full of emotion. The first time she came to me… When I opened the door she flung her arms around me and asked me how I was. I was really astonished by it but it was a really lovely gesture.”

Both Donald and Annette had a mutual word of advice to older people living alone, who lack a support system – don’t be afraid and take the first step to ask for help.

Donald told TheJournal.ie that older people have nothing to lose by getting in contact with Alone.

“If they want to have a sensitive person calling for a chat about whatever they want to talk about, I would encourage them to have a go and try it out,” Donald said.

They have nothing to lose. They have everything to gain. Some good friendships can be born by mixing with people from Alone.

Similarly, Annette told TheJournal.ie that there is no need for older people to be nervous about contacting Alone. She said: “The minute you call there’s a nice pleasant voice answering the phone and they’ll be out to you within a few days. I would advise anyone to do that.”

Christmas campaign

Annette and Donald spoke to TheJournal.ie at the launch of Alone’s Christmas campaign – ‘No one should be alone this Christmas’ – which is asking people to support the charity’s work by volunteering and donating.

Christmas is a particularly important time for Alone, as loneliness is heightened for those living alone during the holidays.

The charity runs a number of activities throughout the Christmas period, including a dinner dance for older people and volunteers, the delivery of hundreds of Christmas hampers to older people in need and a Christmas Day dinner delivery for a number of older people.

Sean Moynihan, CEO of Alone said: “We want older people to know that they have a right to be supported, to receive the support they need and to live in a place of their own choosing.

We will all be old one day and deserve to have supports and services in place to help us age well at home.

For those who have concerns about their own wellbeing, or the wellbeing of an older person in their community, Alone can be contacted on 01 679 1032.

Read: Vincent Browne: ’60,000 old people have hardly any visits from friends of family. It’s awful’

More: ‘My greatest fear is she will outlive me’: Elderly carers in Ireland struggle for help

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14 Comments
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    Mute Leslie Alan Rock
    Favourite Leslie Alan Rock
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:55 PM

    Name them. I bet there’s a few there either

    A. Related to someone
    B. Party hacks
    C. Incompetents who failed miserably everywhere else.
    D. Someone with 3 state pension already

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    Mute Seamus Collins
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:56 PM

    I heard there are bondholders in it also

    43
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    Mute Chewey Bacca
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:11 PM

    The legend Gerald Fleming is in the pic – giving the V sign to camera – He knows the sea and wind and arrows and fronts and stuff. Wink. Goodnight.

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    Mute Thomas Dooly
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:31 PM

    Gerard Fleming & Co are using the equipment that Michael Fish was using back in 1987

    34
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    Mute Brian Stewart
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:59 PM

    Give them time the floods only started a month ago

    84
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    Mute Declan Byrne
    Favourite Declan Byrne
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:48 PM

    They are a bit late coming together at this point. It is a pity we have a habit of been re active rather than pro acrive.

    Minister Hayes during the week as an example thinking he great announcing better protection against floods. Hello minister nothing has changed in the ladt few hundred yeara all the places that flooded always were prone to floods.

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    Mute don mur
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    Feb 5th 2014, 7:06 PM

    Declan the limerick flood never happened before. Came from a totally different direction. Never happened in living memory.

    15
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    Mute Marcus power
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:51 PM

    What is the national emergency group anyway? ????….. No idea. .. Never heard of them but probably a shower of overpayed, overindulged “experts” feeding at the national troff

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    Mute vito imperiolo
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:46 PM

    I may be wrong but I’ve yet to see any Civil Defence or Army Reserves out helping!

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    Mute Alan Barry
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:00 PM

    Civil defence were deployed in Cork City last night, including river rescue units.

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    Mute Paul Roche
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:03 PM
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    Mute Conor Black
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:05 PM

    Defence forces troops were out in limerick the other day as was the civil defence

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    Mute Emma B
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    Jan 17th 2015, 8:22 AM

    Civil defence are deployed at a local level. My mother volunteers with them and they’ve been called out on various occasion throughout the year for flooding etc.

    They don’t get nearly enough credit. Majority of them my mam works with are volunteers.

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    Mute Alice ORiordan
    Favourite Alice ORiordan
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:54 PM

    Don’t mind sitting around talking about what might happen. Go to Holland and ask the Dutch how they dealt with coastal erosion and flooding…take a shortcut and ask somebody who has already dealt with the problem and has the solution…saves money …gets results faster

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    Mute posh
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:49 PM

    I smell oodles of overtime here.

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    Mute Kerry Blake
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    Feb 5th 2014, 6:46 PM

    I’d say the expenses are pretty good as well.

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    Mute Craig Barry
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    Feb 5th 2014, 5:32 PM

    They will reconvene in the summer

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    Mute Gus Sheridan
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    Feb 7th 2014, 8:32 AM

    What summer?

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    Mute J. Dunn
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    Jan 17th 2015, 7:29 AM

    2013

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    Mute Peter M Buchanan
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    Feb 5th 2014, 4:49 PM

    A talking shop…..

    49
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    Mute Patrick
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    Feb 5th 2014, 8:55 PM

    god help us if we do get a real natural disaster. There isn’t one person in kildare street with leadershio skills.

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    Mute William Mcgee
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    Feb 5th 2014, 7:31 PM

    No help from the army in clonmel as shatter closed the army barracks and posted the soldiers to kilkenny Bks.just to keep big mouth Hogan happy .

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    Mute Mainstream Hysteria
    Favourite Mainstream Hysteria
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    Feb 5th 2014, 7:39 PM

    Rumour has it that they reckon stricter internet controls and more pylons will greatly reduce the number of floods we are experiencing.

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    Mute Henry Fleming
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    Feb 5th 2014, 8:39 PM

    The piss and wind brigade!

    13
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    Mute Evert Bopp
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    Feb 5th 2014, 8:21 PM

    The response, or rather lack of, by the Irish authorities to the continued bad weather and flooding is severely lacking.
    A few sandbags isn’t going to be any good in situations like this and measures that will divert floodwaters and limit damage will need to be taken.
    Another example of the complete lack of response is that the main online Irish data on flooding is on the OPW website and hasn’t been updated since 2009.
    There is no attempt to crowdsource flooding data in realtime, a methodology which has been successfully used in other countries.

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    Mute Dennis Collins
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    Jan 17th 2015, 7:47 AM

    Is it not a bit illogical to have the National Emergency Coordination Centre right in the centre of Dublin? If the emergency were anything besides weather, the centre of the capital might not be the best place to be.

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    Mute John Kidd
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    Feb 5th 2014, 8:18 PM

    It’s about time national fire ambulance. Service. Mr sean hogan against this if look at fire service some refuse to Ture out flooding.

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    Mute Brian Murray
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    Feb 5th 2014, 8:35 PM

    Alot of county’s, I’d say most, (retained anyways), don’t turn out to flooding. It’s crazy. They’d rather send the civil defence cos it’s free. I’d love to see the chaos in the country if the gardai was run like the fire service. In this country they under-react to everything, and when something goes tits up they cover there arses till it’s forgotten about.

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    Mute Seán Mcginty
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    Jan 17th 2015, 4:22 PM

    Irelands Justice League?

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    Mute Snorre N Skalagrimmerson
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    Jan 17th 2015, 9:23 AM

    Nothing

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