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IN THE LAST few weeks TheJournal.ie spent time with Dublin Mistress Lara Austen to find out about the life of a professional dominatrix in Ireland.
Lara provides various services to clients who enjoy bondage, dominance, submission and sadomasochism (BDSM) activities. Though she does not have sexual intercourse with her clients, there is undoubtedly a sexual element to the sessions.
Both of the clients we spoke to were married and had never told their wives of their sexual interests, or that they had been going to see the mistress for years.
Does this count as cheating? We asked two commentators on opposite sides of the debate to give their views:
As a woman in a monogamous relationship, I do not think that Lara’s clients who have failed to tell their partners are cheating.
Firstly, infidelity, or “cheating” is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract as regards emotional or sexual exclusivity and commitment to one another. But, is seeking sexual catharsis automatically an infidelity? What about masturbation or the use of pornography?
Consider for a moment how much more difficult this natural drive is for people whose partners, (no matter how loving their relationship) hold fundamentally different views of what that sexual or emotional gratification should involve.
What Lara offers as a professional dominatrix is strictly not sexual in the commonly understood sense. There are no hand jobs, nudity or sexual services. It appeals to a deeper sense of sexuality in terms of fetish. Lara is a dream weaver.
In my opinion what she intends to offer to her clients is the opportunity to fulfil fantasies and “play” out their fetishes with her.
Of course, by failing to tell their partner that they are availing of this service, a different type of dishonesty is happening. This dishonesty is typified by the fact that one partner refuses to open up to the other about a certain personal aspect of themselves.
Ideally they would be on the same page about it. But if maintaining a positive relationship requires occasional, non-sexual release, in the sense that this type of release does not fall in the bracket of conventional sexual gratification, isn’t that release then a force for good?
I believe it is.
I’m baffled how somebody could manage to meet, marry and get a mortgage with another person yet fail to share the fact that they enjoy being spanked on the bottom.
Couples should work out their sexual preferences and fidelity deal breakers right from the start, because one person’s penchant for outsourcing their BDSM activities needs to be addressed before a couple progresses to the combining of bookshelves level.
Everyone is different and all couples have different boundaries; what is acceptable for one person is a breach of trust to another. But if somebody wants to explore their options, they always need to check with their partner first.
Even for the sake of marital harmony, not everybody is comfortable with hog-tying their husband and putting him in a cage with a bowl of dog food. However, they might be okay with them looking elsewhere for that particular pleasure.
Cheating is the dark shadow lurking behind any relationship. Adult love, unlike parent-child love, is conditional. Any person can decide one day that the bad stuff outweighs the good, and head out for some extra-curricular fun.
But when you’re sexually intimate with someone outside of your relationship, without your partner’s consent, it is cheating. When you strip away the fact it was a paid dominatrix that did the spanking, the person has still cheated and been disloyal to their partner and to their relationship.
Your boyfriend going back to a dominatrix’s flat, enjoying a lustful session, then going back to you like he popped out to buy some milk is not okay.
And to the men who do it then the biggest hurdle you face isn’t persuading your partner that spanking is fun but convincing her that your sex life to date has not been a total sham.
Sexual betrayal is always going to sting.
So, what do you think about it? Does going to see a dominatrix count as cheating? Take it to the comments…
I my opinion Alan Kelly should be in the Finna Gael party. He acts like a right wing conservative going by his antics when he was in Government.
@Frances Faller: He is an extremely dangerous individual. He seems to love inflicting pain and suffering on the Irish working people. His attempts to ram things home with Irish Water was enough to convince me that he should not be a politician.
@Frances Faller: I couldn’t agree more. Have always struggled with the concept of him being in a “left” party. My conclusion is that he sees himself as a big fish in a small pond and saw Labour as his chance to get some power…..his favourite drug!
@Frances Faller: this particular labour party aren’t all that left to begin with.
@David Corrigan: Are you off your head. Like the rest of EU we should be paying for water.
Majority of people paid up because we know nothing is free and wastage is not on.
A bunch of mad lefties jumped on the issue and bullied their way forward.
Logic is that if you pay tax it’s for everything. No double taxation
So where’s the campaign against the car tax, VAT, property tax, passport charges, nct, A and E charges, so on energy Bill’s etc.
Thank God they are no part of government now as they recklessly demand Dail sittings.
You made a lot of millionaires with pools very happy with your pathetic mantras.
@David Glynn: We are paying for water through our taxes but you refuse to acknowledge it.
My Irish Water example illustrated how nasty Kelly is. He is not fit to manage any team or project.
@David Corrigan: Spot on. He continued insisting he had to introduce water charges under EU law, even after the EU pointed out that he was wrong.
@David Glynn: and remember that sinn fein supported water charges, but changed their minds when they saw that the populist route was more beneficial to the party.
@David Glynn: You seem to have a huge problem with the Irish people not buying into the whole Irish water scam. Perhaps you can make a personal donation to Irish Water yourself. This should help with your wounded conscience.
@David Corrigan: If you are looking for “extremely dangerous individuals” you should have a look within your own party – SF. Enough members in there with pasts that would same the most evil organisations!
@Shay Redmond.: Dont contribute to State companies if no bill to pay.
OMG who’s next it’ll make no difference as Labour is a sinking ship and the quicker it sinks the better did you ever hear of a union rep losing a job No
@John O Donoghue: do you think it’s time for a final solution for the Labour Party problem? Would you say Ireland will never be at rest until Labour and its members are liquidated once and for all? Truly Labour carries the exclusive responsibility for all that is wrong in this country. Only the comments section here gives you a full insight.
@Ciaran O’Mara: name something good Labour have done for the people and country in the past 30 years?
@King B: Well, there was…. emmm…. and also… erhhh…. I’ll get back to you.
@King B: It’s a sad thing that they can’t even defend their own party with a few examples isn’t it?
@Ciaran O’Mara: Absolute rubbish. Never in power in a boom.Blame the fire brigade on the fire.
@David Glynn: Or there was no boom because they were in power.
@King B: FOI.
@King B: Do you know all that State owned land that SF want to build social housing on, well all that land is state owned because Labour stopped FG from giving it to their connected circle during the 2011-16 Government. That would be consider good I think, don’t you?
@King B:
Labours Achievements in Government:
• Created a stable economy – no one expected that the economy and jobs would recover so quickly.
• Got people back to work by creating a strong growth situation.
• Got rid of the Troika.
• Worked to reduce cuts for lower incomes
• Saved the social welfare recipients from drastic cuts
I have many more if you want!
@For Goodness Sake: there was no stable economy, there was a very shaky economy with many expert opinions out there to confirm that. Labour were responsible for Jobs Ridge and over saw many cuts to the social welfare and made it far more difficult for people to access. They behaved completely inappropriately and unprofessionally especially Kelly and Burton who became increasingly condescending as time went on. They didn’t fight for the people as a true Labour party should, not even a peep, their key politicians aren’t relatable to the ordinary person, I’d be a massive supporter if they had stayed true to their roots but they haven’t
@For Goodness Sake: the troika left after four or five years after their business had been concluded with many more austerity budgets to follow. Labour didn’t ‘get rid’ of the troika as you so romantically put it.
Labour the party that taxed the family home and tried to tax family water and internet One would not want to represented by labour in a court of law
Labour only seems to serve as a lightning rod for Irish rage. Their main policy seems to be trolling the working class. Remember Joan defending jobsbridge and refusing to address any critcism as we begged her to see how it was being abused, destroying the entry level job market. Why would any business owner hire a lad on minimum wage when they could get a free intern paid by the government.
The jobstown incident was what set me against labour for good. Joan Burton lied in court, and they sat back as the media twisted the events to bash Paul Murphy (don’t like him for other reasons, but they really misrepresented what happened.
What a disgusting and vile party. Glad they’re irrelevant now.
Jobstown was a Garda public order case, & Ms Burton was not a complainant, just a citizen threatened & attacked,along with others, including Gardai,, by a mob led by irresponsible provocateurs.
Accuracy please, less propaganda.
@William Kelly: Ms Burton was in her car playing on her phone. She could have left the protest at any time. I don’t understand why you want to paint a false picture of the situation. Why do you want to do that William?
@William Kelly:
Whether or not she was a complainant doesn’t change the fact that she lied in court.
Led by provocateurs? You’ve eaten up the edited RTE audio I see. Here’s a little fact for you, the “man with the megaphone” as RTE put it, Paul Murphy, was actually given the megaphone by the Gardai, who asked him to help calm people down (which he tried to do). Of course, facts don’t stop agendas now do they?
Standing in front of a car is not a violent protest. The whole thing was blown out of proportion and twisted into something far bigger than it ever should have been.
Never forget that the child they put on trial was found innocent after video footage showed Joan Burton and the Gardai to have lied in court about what happened.
@William Kelly:
Quotes from GARDAI in the helicoptor:
“It’s fairly dispersed. She’s making a good bit of progress. She’s only, only another 100 metres, not even 50 metres, from the Tallaght Bypass. There’s no pushing or shoving or anything. The Public Order Unit moved in there for a minute and there was a bit and they seem to have left them march ahead of their banner like.”
“The Jeep could have went backwards ages ago but [inaudible] did not want to do that. …There’s no hassle really.”
From the Gardai themselves. Yeah, sounds like a really horrible “attack” pfff…
Or what about the fact that 4+ Gardai arrived at the young lads house early in the morning to arrest him, This is something they do for a known criminal that’s violent not a school going kid.
Also if the kid was jailed that be his future career gone no travelling to the USA Australia etc.
@William Kelly: Joan Burton did herself and the so called Labour party no favours regarding Jobstown. A legitimate protest that got certainly out of hand. The problem was Joan Burton and the leadership failed to understand the anger of ordinary people concerning the blind allegiance to a right wing party whose only policy was austerity. The fact the Labour party broke every election promise never even registered with them , the fact theose charged in connection with Jobstown were found Not Guilty ,again never registered with the Labour leadership. Baby Blueshirts would be an apt name for so called Labour party.
@Donal Desmond:
The labour party was founded by James Conolly. The man who, in 1916 told his followers that it was their patriotic duty to shoot a police officer.
If modern labour feel the need to wet themselves over people standing in front of a car and shouting, maybe they shouldn’t call themselves labour.
As he chanted to the mob of wasters “Will we let her go”.
Bullying two women for hours.
Video is there. No twisting needed.
Truth hurts.
@David Corrigan: How could she leave. The mob, your mob,was threatening.
Police should have called in reinforcements and baton charged them after due warning.
Freedom of movement cherished right.
@: And no repercussions.
@David Glynn: My mob? You have lost the argument after your third post David.
You make too many wild assumptions and the hatred you have for anyone outside of your party boils over and quiet frankly makes you look weak.
Go a d get your breakfast and think about your behavior on here.
@David Corrigan: David, you can say what you want and post as many Garda quotes as you want but we’ve all see the videos. Nobody should be proud of themselves for what happened that day. It most certainly wasn’t as benign as you’re painting it.
@David Corrigan: This nice guy Shinbot pose fools no one . You cant answer the argument , that’s your problem.
Assumptions? As I have posted numerous times I was a lifelong Labour supporter and switched to Geens and S Dems this election
I have had breakfast early as usual.One of the early risers who worked and paid their taxes. Possibly not a scenario you are familiar with.
No shame to be a Shinner. Come out ye Shinners.
@William Kelly: In the interests of the ‘accuracy’ you desire, would you care to remind us what the outcome of the case was ?
@David Corrigan: she couldn’t have left the car, she was lucky not to have been badly injured.
@Bernard Sweeney: Where did I post Garda posts Bernard
@David Glynn: Ok David.
@Bernard Sweeney:
You’ve seen the heavily edited videos released by RTE, have you seen the footage from the Garda helicoptor? because that’s what caused the case to collapse, it showed very clearly that they could have simply reversed and left.
Standing in front of a car might be a crime but it’s not violent, it’s a pretty standard non-violent protest. Nobody got hurt so I still don’t see how we can keep pretending this was a riot. Nobody even got bruised ffs
@David Glynn:
“Bullying a woman for hours”
They could have reversed, they chose not to so they could play victim and have something to bash Paul Murphy with (he was asking too many hard questions about Jobbridge and other failed Labour policies)
@David Glynn: f00l
Would not for a second equate the Labour party with the aims of James Connolly. Think It was a Labour leader William Norton ( open to correction) stated As Leader of the Labour party..(I am a Catholic first, An Irishman second, A socialist third). To me that sums up the Labour party. In their tenure in government they became more blueshirt than the blueshirts.
@David Glynn: In case it has escaped your attention all persons charged with the Jobstown protest were found Not Guilty. This certainly did not suit the leadership of the so called Labour party or their colition partners. Burton sat in her car knowing their support concerning water charges, austerity measures, A betrayal of every election promises they had made to the electorate. Frankfurts way or Labour’s way.. Well they certainly went the way of the blueshirts.
@Donal Desmond: The judge had sense. You would have loved martyrs.
@David Glynn: Think there was a jury involved. Burton lied in court , guards were found to have lied , Burton emerged a self styled martyr …but only in the eyes of so called Labour party.
Why is this even deemed newsworthy? Irrelevant.
Hope kelly gets it a d that will be the end of the labour party
The party that took medical cards off children with Down Syndrome
Please let Mr Kelly become leader and be finished with Liebour once and for all..
I note that the comments still follow the disgusting trait of attacking the small guy for the austerity years, & yet people still vote for the main culprits in the primary cause of our banking collapse FFFG, & a naive element now vote for SF which caused havoc on the island for 30+ years, & subsequently, stayed as lathair through out the economic troubles.
Labour has no blood on their hands, no brown envelope backhander finance, & sound democratic credentials ever since 1919.
Seems we have a shortage of balanced & sound thinking about our political choices in this country.
@William Kelly: I wouldn’t be so proud, the people gave Labour what they deserved, what was it, 6%
@William Kelly: They performed a complete turn on their promises to the people who voted them in. After that turn was complete they proceeded to drive the dagger home by forcefully pushing Irish Water on the hard pressed working person.
If you can’t see that as betrayal then clearly there is no talking to you William.
@William Kelly: are you related to Alan lol!
@William Kelly: Got it right there.
@David Corrigan: SF are obviously afraid of Labour. No other reason to have you ranting.
@William Kelly:
Labour’s jobbridge scheme affected me personally. I remember too well looking for a job at 18 and seeing nothing but unpaid internships for Tescos, unpaid internships at helpdesks requiring a degree and a year of experience, unpaid internships became the standard first job. Minimum wage became something you had to “work up” to. And suddenly even “paid” jobs were used as lure to have you work a couple months for free.
Joan Burton refused to hear any criticism, and attacked anyone who asked hard questions about it.
That’s just one of labours policies, the one that hurt me the most, they did nothing about the looming rental crisis when they had a chance either. They spent the 2016 election attacking Sinn Fein, PBP, Socialists, Greens, and gushing with praise for Fine Gael, and they were rightly punished for it.
They should do us all a favour and simply disband.
@William Kelly: Perhaps if the so called Labour party had stood up for the rights of the people who through the gangsterism of banks and developers facilitated by politicians facilitated by F.F. and endorsed by F.G./ Labour who instead enforced draconian austerity measures to repay for economic crash. The so called Labour party supported every austerity measure interduced. You will probably be aware some in the so called Labour party leadership were in the past not so Lily white. You seem to have no problem with that. Yet you condem S.F. .. Like FF/F.G. so called Labour party buried their heads in the sand for over 30 years.
@For Goodness Sake: I am obviously rattling the FG PR cage if they keep sending an amateur like you to follow me about.
Aodhán O’Riordáin’s face in that picture tells the story about how I think of Alan Kelly.
I couldn’t care less about Labour but here’s hoping they don’t vote Kelly in as having to see him on the news when they give these irrelevant parties their 20 second clip on ongoing matters would make turn me off my spuds.
Rotten individual, he really tried to screw us with water charges & also a friend of John Delaney, I remember Delaney canvassing for him! #NUFFSAID
Hopefully they elect Captain Power Trip and we can finally put the rotting carcass of the once great party of Connolly and Larkin to rest.
@The Risen: Mr power trip himself.
Will you ever make a sensible comment not tinged with SF adoration.
This is where you live with the Gino man.
Pay for nothing grab all brigade.
And what about the people who were getting their diplomas that day
No, feck them. We don’t like people who better themselves through hard work.
Always so predictable. And a joy to shine a light on your SF propaganda.Still travelling in to HQ or at home.
Wont say working that being an alien concept.
@David Glynn: You would have thrived in Germany in the 1930′s David. Thrived I tell you.
@David Glynn: have you got a 5G mast near your home?
Who really cares
Howlin’s main failing was his inability to tell the dinosaurs to get off the stage. The sight of Joan Burton, Joe Costello, Emmet Stagg etc. tottering around trying to canvass was just sad and ridiculous. Because of this many potentially younger candidates just simply left the party. There are even large urban towns with no Labour branches left. Sad from a party who did so well in 2011.
Labor has been a disgrace to its history for decades now. They should just fold tent and walk away. They failed the people and have not had a vision in living memory. A bunch of smoked salmon socialists!
Sinn Fein are not ‘out in front as the biggest party’ Conor.
Even if you include the ooooooo, the ceann comhairle wasn’t elected rubbish, they’re still only joint biggest party’.
Jesus, how many typos can one article have!
Alan kelly, he is corrupt, he did not have eno5votes to stay in dial eireann Government, only filled in free to fill MUNSTER seats, corrupt.. as he has his Brother, a billionaire businessman.. as alan and his Brother have started water meters years back.. and no member in dail, FG, FF& Labour will not stop or bring this to Europe court.. mistakes have been done..and will happen again.. all people open your eyes, and see.. alan..not ever to be trusted..
Ireland needs a secular party which is committed to retaining major services in public ownership. The control of our education system need to be public.The dependence on ‘charities’ for essential services should be ended and should be provided nationally. There are almost 10,000 registered charities in Ireland and many have become an end in themselves.
Labour Party lost it’s core when Dick Spring did a U turn and went into power with Fianna Fail.
After that they were not to be trusted.
Then there was the Joan Burton debacle which was probably Alan Kelly,’s contribution to politics.
Smoke Salmon Socialists
have your say