SEPTEMBER IS ALMOST here, and we are in the thick of the return to school for the older kids (early mornings are a shock for them, aren’t they?) and prepping lunch boxes, uniforms and bags for the small ones for next week. I’ve had numerous conversations with other parents this week when ”I cannot wait for school and the routine” was uttered more than once. The end of summer can be bittersweet.
The ‘Back to School’ advertisements, which as we all know, are an absolute emotional rollercoaster. Honestly, I don’t think any other piece of advertising could make me feel as many different feelings. Firstly, we have an overwhelming sense of dread, one that is deeply embedded in all of us. A knee-jerk reaction from our childhoods, as it marks the end of those carefree summer days.
And then you have your little dopamine boost for the anticipation of a fresh start, with crisp, white shirts and new books. It is also a walk down memory lane for many of us.
For parents, these advertisements also signal the end of the performative piece we like to call ‘Summer’ where we are under serious pressure to fill each long day with snacks, meals, activities and something educational. Nothing is ever enough, bedtimes no longer exist, and everyone you know is sitting beside a pool with a cocktail in hand. Thankfully, the end is in sight, and you can almost stop worrying about making enough core memories for this summer.
But then we take that obligatory ‘Back to School’ photo and our hearts break a little. Because once we get the little ones to put on the uniform again, we are shocked at how much they have grown over the summer break. The change in their little faces, and how much more adult they now seem to us.
Once you become a parent people start saying things like ‘don’t blink, or you’ll miss it!’ or ‘enjoy every minute’ or even ‘enjoy them while they are young’ which is especially fun because it is true for both your knees and your kids (and also impossible to enjoy either until they start to slip away).
It’s like we’ve set a countdown timer for a really awful event, but it’s also really hard while it’s counting down, and you are so very tired. I can remember feeling bewildered when people told me to ‘enjoy every minute’ with a newborn baby. I mean, ok, but also, this is the most terrifying and difficult thing I have ever done so I guess I will try?
I can still remember where I was the first time I heard ‘We only get 18 summers with our kids’ and immediately thinking, with a sinking heart, of how many had already ticked by. The pressure was crushing and became a mantra for the next few years as I went way above and beyond each year, all the time saying that ‘we only have nine Summers left, only eight Summers left…’
Why do we do this! Parenting is emotionally tough enough, without adding anything else to it. Why do we insist on making it harder?
As we approached the teenage years I started to really panic, there just wasn’t enough time to make all the memories I wanted to, and realistically, how much longer would they actually want to come away with us? Would we even get 18 summers?
But listen, about a month ago I saw that one of our favourite movies (Mean Girls — it’s a classic and I won’t be taking any further questions) was showing as a musical in the West End. I mentioned it to my two and was surprised when they were instantly on board for an overnight trip to London. And not only were they on board, but they spent the next few weeks sending me links and videos of places they wanted to visit, things they wanted to see and foods they wanted to try. Before we knew it, we had a really exciting itinerary ready to go.
Something we don’t say enough is how easy certain things become as they get older. Instead of trying to wrangle toddlers through airports, they can now explain the security rules to me and are absolutely mortified when I forget a bottle of water in my carry on. They’ll sit quietly for the entire flight, even casting the odd disapproving look at a crying baby, as if I never had to drag them, kicking and screaming, out of every play centre we ever visited.
My eldest worked out the Tube system in seconds, which was amazing because if I had to do it, we would still be in Heathrow. We had great food, better conversations, and I got in enough steps each day to keep my watch more than happy. So while I can’t avoid feeling the sadness of the seasons changing as we pass a playground that they have absolutely no interest in, I also have to say it was pretty great when we were able to reach an immediate consensus that a 40-minute queue for the M&Ms store was ridiculous and no one lost their minds.
I got to browse London with two personal shoppers who were able to best advise me on what I should buy, what looks flattering, and what products I need. I did however feel at times like I was on holidays with Gok Wan, as they weren’t afraid to tell me the harsh truth. I proudly showed them the outfit I had planned for the show, and the older one nodded approvingly before saying ‘are you sure you are going to be OK wearing that beside our outfits?’. Okay, point taken. And…. Ouch.
My dad came with us too, as he loves a musical, and we were both so pleasantly surprised to see my daughter take the reins on leading us around for the duration of the trip, navigating the busy city with ease and getting us exactly where we needed to be on time.
He remarked that the last time he was in London was 40 years previous – at which time he would have been entirely unable to comprehend the idea that his next visit would be with his daughter and two granddaughters.
So the idea that we only get 18 years is ridiculous and needs to stop. It’s not the blink of an eye, it’s not 18 years, it’s a lifetime, and you have time. We shouldn’t be saying these things to parents who are already frazzled and trying their best. The parent-child relationship is constantly changing, and right now, more than ever, I am so aware of exactly how lucky we are to be here, all of us, together.
Sometimes it does feel like it’s going too quickly, and there are times that I would give anything to go back to a particular stage for one day. But I was there for it all and I soaked it all in, and it was great. You can’t ask for more than that.
Growing old is a privilege denied to many, and being here to watch your kids grow and change is a gift. And there is so much comfort in the thought that some of the best days with your kids are still to come.
Margaret Lynch is a busy mum of two, living and working in Kildare.
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