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THIS IS A follow up to an article I placed on TheJournal.ie following the devastating news that our baby girl had a fatal foetal abnormality which would result in her dying in utero. In Ireland, your current ‘choice’ (and I use this word loosely) upon the receipt of such news is to:
(a) Continue with the pregnancy until the baby dies, or,
(b) Obtain a TFMR – a Termination for Medical Reasons.
After the TFMR, and while waiting for our baby to arrive from the hospital for burial, I published the article and, yes, I did read all of the comments. Some comments were plain cruel, I will address this later; some were unwarranted and hypocritical, I will come back to this also; and some people seemed to be confused as to what a TFMR was and likened it to an abortion. To those who were compassionate and kind, a heartfelt thank you to you for your support.
So, what is a TFMR and what happens?
First key point, a TFMR is not the abortion of an unwanted baby.
Our baby was very much wanted and very much planned, to the point that my husband flew back from a business trip abroad once I called him to tell him it was time… I know there are plenty of other couples who have had to do this. A few weeks later we were hugging and smiling when a pregnancy test confirmed that we were expecting. We scheduled an early scan as we had previously had a silent miscarriage and we were nervous. As the weeks went on and we heard our baby’s heart beating healthily and saw our baby grow, we started to relax and allow ourselves to believe that it was finally going to happen…we were going to have a baby.
We passed the 12 week mark and a full scan was planned at 13-and-a-half weeks. Blood was taken, our history of health was recorded and the last step was to see our gynecologist for a scan and make a plan for the rest of the pregnancy. I hopped onto the bed excitedly but somewhat apprehensively, as all couples going for scans can relate to. We never knew that we were about to face the worst experience of our lives.
Our baby had a 10mm hygroma behind her little head and a larger scan showed fluid in all of her organs; her heart, her kidneys and her little belly. We couldn’t believe it. Everything was going great a few weeks ago. We still didn’t understand the full extent of the problem, her heart was beating after all, wasn’t it? However, her condition was so severe with hydrops fetalis, that the doctors were almost certain that a chromosomal defect was the cause. Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) was performed with our consent and samples were sent for chromosomal analysis to Glasgow and Crumlin Hospital. The results confirmed all of our fears. We would never be taking our baby home. She was going to die before her due date. Her heart was beating, she was a little fighter, but she was fighting a losing battle.
The Rotunda were very sympathetic and hugely supportive and informed us of our options. In relation to option (a) waiting for nature to take its course, I was told that this would happen around the late 20, maybe early 30 weeks of pregnancy. I was at 14 weeks by the time the diagnosis was confirmed. After a week of tears and deliberations, my husband and I chose option (b). The only problem was that, although this is explained to you as an option or a ‘choice’, the procedure is not permitted to be performed in Ireland. It is illegal.
To avail of a TFMR, you have to travel with what strength you have left to another country in Europe where this procedure is performed and provided for by the State, following an ethical review in the maternity section of a hospital. This is the second key point, a TFMR is a medical procedure, performed in the maternity section of hospitals in other European countries following an ethical review and approval by two gynaecologists.
However, even though Ireland is outsourcing this medical procedure, it does not compensate couples travelling from Ireland who have had to pay for this procedure elsewhere in Europe. You have to arrange the costs for the operation, flights and accommodation yourself. It’s €2,000 for the procedure alone. For people who can’t afford this, they have to take out a loan or they may be forced to continue with the pregnancy.
Unfortunately for us and other couples who also received this devastating news the same week, Liverpool hospital, which was the option of choice as they have helped many couples from Ireland, were unable to perform the procedure. They were busy for the next few weeks. We went into a state of shock and panic. What were we going to do? It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make sense that this procedure couldn’t be done in our own country.
One thing was clear… it’s just not clear! Is Ireland saying that you can’t terminate for medical reasons or is Ireland saying, ‘well you can terminate for medical reasons, we’re just not going to do it for you but we’ll allow our medical staff to tell you where you can get it done’? Should I feel grateful that I have the permission to travel and that I don’t have to fear arrest? Is this Ireland’s answer to avoiding political pressure from the rest of Europe? ‘The women get to travel and we don’t even have to pay for the procedure, ha ha, problem solved! We save face and money!’ Someone must have received a bonus for that decision. Well, why should hospitals in the UK or any other country have to staff up to support Irish women because the Irish government won’t? Is this Irish pride or Irish shame?
We sought help with a hospital in Vienna. The diagnosis was sent from the Rotunda and was reviewed by two gynaecologists before we arrived in Vienna. We spoke with the gynaecologist on the phone before leaving Ireland and the severity of the condition was acknowledged. In principal the procedure was agreed to be performed following a scan in Vienna; the scan was performed by the gynaecologist in the maternity section of the hospital.
I was scanned by the same gynaecologist that scanned other girls in the waiting room with us. The only difference was they were all couples who expected to be taking their babies home on their due date and we were there to confirm that we weren’t. The gynaecologist was very kind and he spoke to me in English while he scanned our baby and confirmed everything the Rotunda had told us; our baby was going to die inside me.
The process was agreed and I was given two tablets to start the process. We thanked the doctor and left. I wept outside at the knowledge that the process was starting and there was no going back, but my husband and I were steadfast that this was the right thing to do. It had been two weeks since our scan in the Rotunda; we had had plenty of time to change our minds.
We came back to the hospital at 8am the following morning. We met the midwife who was wonderful. She told me that it was a terrible situation to be in, not to mention that we had to travel and that I should cry when I needed to, they were there to support me. ‘But Ireland is in the EU!?’… this was a frustrated phrase we heard a lot from medical staff over these few days. I was given two tablets and I was to receive two more at 11am and 2pm. At 2pm the contractions really began to kick off and we were made comfortable in a delivery room.
My husband was given instructions to count while I was to breathe deeply. The pain was like nothing I was prepared for and for two hours my husband counted, gave me sips of water and talked to me. I was in such pain that I couldn’t respond to his attempts to make me feel better nor his suggestions of things to do afterwards, ‘Shall we go shopping when all of this is over?’. I felt so bad for him feeling helpless but I couldn’t get any words out. His second suggestion that we go climb up a mountain nearly cost him his life and he got a response to that he’ll never forget, but we laugh about it now.
Suddenly I felt a stillness come over me, like a quiet after a storm. I felt a need to pee and my husband went to call the midwife. She asked if I would take a bed pan, some women wouldn’t apparently, ‘something to do with dignity’ she said and smiled while she shrugged her shoulders. I smiled at the idea that at this point you would be choosy, that after what we had been through you would have any dignity left. My husband helped me while the midwife stood outside.
I then felt the strangest sensation and I put my hand down, I could feel our baby arriving, and then she was there, lying in my hand. It was just me and my husband together and his arms around me when our little daughter arrived into the world. There was such a quietness in the room, it was the most perfect and saddest moment of my life but I felt such peace looking at her. My husband and I smiled at each other with tears knowing it was just the three of us, alone in the world for a little while.
She looked so perfect, apart from her swollen belly and a large flap of skin behind her neck from the hygroma. I was overwhelmed by how beautiful she was, she had such long fingers and toes, she looked so elegant. I’ll remember her loveliness for the rest of my life. I couldn’t believe that inside she was essentially broken and had no chance of survival. It seemed so cruel of nature to allow this to happen, to allow a baby to develop for months only to die in utero or shortly after birth. We named her Butterfly.
The midwife came in and helped us. She took our baby away to clean her and measure her and brought her back to us to hold her for a while longer. We were to call her when we were ready to give her back to them. She gave us a remembrance card with our baby’s footprint and handprints which is really comforting to have to look at now.
I was brought to theatre later that evening for a curettage. My husband was there smiling at me when I opened my eyes after theatre. His parents were waiting in the corridor as my bed was wheeled back to my room. The following day I was discharged after being seen by the doctor and the nurse and given the necessary medication and advice for the follow-up.
They told me to come back to them for my next pregnancy and they would look after me. I assured them how wonderful the staff in the Rotunda were and explained to them that their hands are tied, that it is the people in government who are to blame. I showed them the beautiful knitted blanket and garments that Friends of the Rotunda had provided. I told them that the Rotunda were there to support us when we returned to Ireland. We left the hospital but I cried at the thought that my baby was still there and we had to wait for her to be received by the funeral home in my husband’s home town.
Third key point: a TFMR baby is delivered in the maternity section of a hospital and the parents get to hold their baby.
My parents flew over two days later and both sets of parents were there to help us get through the grief. We made the funeral arrangements but we declined the coffins available as they were too sterile looking and I wanted something pretty. We had imagined bringing our baby home to sleep in a wicker basket and we cried with disbelief as we set about the process of making a wicker coffin for her. We secured butterflies and flowers to it, we wanted her to have her own little nursery garden, pretty enough for a butterfly.
The morning of the funeral the sun was shining and the birds were singing. I burst into tears at the thought that our baby would never hear that wonderful sound. Still, I felt strangely happy; the sunshine and the birds made me think of hope. I hoped for a healthy future for myself and my husband. I hoped that our baby was with God, where angel babies belong. We had downloaded the song from Karen Taylor ‘Precious Child’ for the funeral and I started to sing it in my mind for comfort.
We buried our daughter with her great-grandparents, in a lovely quiet cemetery in the grounds of the local church in my husband’s hometown in Austria. The scenery is wonderful there. We were surrounded by snow capped mountains as the ski season came to an end and spring was in bloom. ‘Precious Child’ played as the blessing was given and myself and my husband both lifted her little nursery garden into the ground where she would forever lie. A holy water font was by the grave and we blessed our baby and then both of our parents did the same.
Our mothers gave offerings, flowers with a beautiful purple butterfly and a beautiful statue of a baby enclosed in angels wings. We cried by the grave, our hearts torn that her grave would be in Austria while we lived in Ireland. Before we left Austria a few days later, my mother-in-law hugged us and promised to go to the grave often to tell her that her parents love her and that we are always thinking of her.
Above is a picture I asked my father-in-law to take as I thought of the people who didn’t understand or likened our experience to an abortion, so that we could at least educate those that don’t fully understand the fourth key point; that as an Irish citizen, if you are lucky – and I say that with all the irony in the world – you get to bury your baby delivered by TFMR.
It’s hard to imagine we are lucky when we have to travel to Austria to visit our daughter’s grave but we know others have had to wait for ashes in the post or smuggle their baby home on the ferry in the boot of the car. Some, due to finances, cannot afford any of these options. There are so many stories sadder than ours.
This is the hardest part of the whole process. Not the fatal diagnosis, that is nobody’s fault. But the trauma added to that situation by the State’s deliberate lack of support? That is somebody’s fault and they should be ashamed for it.
There are people who accused TheJournal.ie of fabricating this story and in turn insulted me, my husband, my daughter and my family. That was cruel of you. This story is very real for us and your words cannot hurt us any more than we have already been.
For any man who made cruel comments: you will never carry a child and you will never have to deliver a child that is sleeping only in Gods arm’s, who, with all the will and medical help in the world, will never wake up. You will never know what it is to know that you will not hear her cry when she enters the world. To know that you will never see her eyes open to see you for the first time. You will never know what it is to have all your hopes and dreams for your child fly away with her, as you hold her and pray that there really is a heaven and that angels have come to take her to be with all the other angel babies, because thinking anything else just hurts too much.
There are people who said that we had the choice to continue with the pregnancy. My father is a very religious man and he was very quietly upset when he first heard our bad news and he didn’t say much for a while until he understood all the facts. He then said to myself and my husband that it a noble thing for any parent to choose to end the suffering of their child.
Mr Kenny, my question to you is: ‘what would you say to your daughter if she was in this situation? Where her option was to continue with the pregnancy until your grandchild died inside her or to end the pain earlier, which under your rules would mean she would have to leave her country? Would you look into her face and tell her that the child merely has a “hole in its heart” (a medically treatable condition), even though the qualified medical staff had told her otherwise?’
For those who do decide to continue with the pregnancy, I have the utmost respect for your decision and I would not impose my decision on you, so I can only ask that you respect the decision made by us and others. I have read your stories and they are as heartbreaking as ours. We were provided with both options and neither choice is the obvious one and we deliberated over both extensively. We are only in this situation because we decided to have a baby, and neither decision will give us that result.
To end the pregnancy or to continue, in the end the outcome is the same for all of us. We recognise your pain, it is the same as ours, we have just decided to face it sooner than you. We all make what we believe is the best choice for our baby – that should be our right. The difference is that you really had a choice that is supported by your country. We didn’t, but I would never campaign for you not to have your choice.
Can you imagine if for medical/compassionate reasons you were told you had to terminate the pregnancy when you didn’t want to? Can you imagine if the option that you wanted was not available to you in your country and you had to travel abroad for it? You might think this is a ludicrous scenario but the whole thing is ludicrous. It’s ludicrous that we are in this situation at all, that nature has been cruel to us and not made our babies healthy. What we are asking for is the right to have a choice.
I have read comments implying misdiagnosis. We would have given anything for a glimpse of hope for our baby. We were scanned in a private clinic. The problem was confirmed in the foetal section of the Rotunda, test results confirmed the result and finally the maternity hospital in Vienna confirmed her fate: fatal. We were very sure of the outcome before we made our decision.
Do people campaign against families who are faced with the heartbreaking decision to turn off the life support machine of a loved one? In these cases the woman is supporting the life of the baby, and the baby is not compatible with life outside the womb. We are asking for the right to turn off the support and to stop the suffering and to do this in our own country with continuation of medical care, our families around us, and a grave to visit.
The Irish government is turning its back on couples in these circumstances and outsourcing this activity to other hospitals in Europe. This fact should be printed every day, in every newspaper, until the government decides to listen to the people. A democratic government should lead on behalf of the voice of the many – not through a set of rules dictated from within the government based on the personal opinions of a few.
Every week more women travel quietly to hospitals in Europe, with what power is left in them, to ask for compassion for their broken baby and they travel home broken-hearted while their baby lies in a hospital in another country. What do we consider a good ending here? We got to bury our baby but she lies in a grave in Austria where we have to go to visit her. Is being ‘lucky’ receiving your baby’s ashes in the post? Is ‘lucky’ being able to sneak your baby home on the ferry in a coffin in the boot of your car?
We’ve done this so obediently, almost submissively, but there is a whole population of women and men in this country that are broken inside because of the way this government has treated them.
Please ask for this process to be legislated for (properly) in Ireland and STOP the outsourcing of TFMR. Please email/tweet/Facebook this article to your friends and make others aware that the Irish government is outsourcing this procedure to mainland Europe at a huge cost to impacted parents.
The author of this article wishes to remain anonymous.
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I cannot imagine the pain you or your family had to go through. You have my sincere condolences.
That women are sent packing overseas for this procedure, at their own cost, is utterly cruel and barbaric. The State is culpable in continuing to pussy foot around any issues which may risk the ire of the church. Mr Kennys comments a few years ago about the church were, it would appear, nothing but hollow sound bites.
I hope some day that women are able to have this procedure carried out in Ireland, so that they can concentrate on the grieving for their loss.
Once again, you have left me in tears reading your heartbreaking story. As another commenter has already said, I dread to see what certain individuals post here. You are a very brave woman for sharing your story, I hope you are shown the respect and compassion you deserve this time around.
Well soon have Marion on spouting her usual Youth Défense crap
I’m already depressed at the horrible comments that are on the way, I remember reading the original article and my stomach being churned by the lack of compassion displayed, kudos to you and your husband for sharing your story not once, but twice.
Yes but you don’t have the right to impose whether they continue with the pregnancy or not. In fact you don’t get an opinion at all as it had no impact on your life.
The unfortunate truth is that there was a vocal minority that objected even to legislate if a woman’s life was if danger for fear of the “floodgates” being open. The amount of lies and misinformation and misogyny was rampant around the issue and unfortunately if it ever came to a referendum to repeal the 8th amendment it would be the same all over again.
This government has all but wiped their hands clean of the issue, admitting that there is no plan in place to address even cases like this.
This is a matter of women’s health. To force a women to endure a pregnancy such as this one is actual torture. Anyone of the “under no circumstances, ever!”mentality need to take a long hard look at their justifications.
Or making an eloquent and impassioned point about something she obviously cares about.
Exactly. Women are not cattle for breeding or incubators for other people’s morals. The cruelty that some women have to endure is completely unnecessary and needs to end now.
Say’s the super trawler himself ,”Mr Fantastic!”
Can we not do something about this trolling be****d
Yes, ignore him. He wants a reaction, he thrives on it. Don’t give him the thrill
It is time for doctors not bishops and the Iona institute to dictate what medical treatment is required for women
I am also dreading the comments that will surely follow. Like vultures picking over sores.
Your story is a beautiful one. It’s coming up to the sixth birthday of my little girl who also died from a chromosomal disorder so I can understand a little of your pain. It makes me so angry that your grief was compounded so needlessly and cruelly by the cowardice of this country.
I remember reading your first article and you have comprehensively answered all of your critics, or should I say, our critics. Those who claim to defend the unborn for compassionate reasons, yet in practice, seem to be running on empty on compassion, empathy or understanding. People like that frighten the life out of me. And their zeal.
Thank you beyond words for sharing your story and the story of Butterfly. If it turns one heart, it will be worth it. Your strong voice, intelligence and rationale will be balm to those who have to suffer like you have.
Strength and peace to you and your husband and family on your journey without your daughter. You are indeed an amazing and noble Mum.
You are very brave to write so honestly and beautifully about how a joyous pregnancy ended so unexpectedly for you you and your husband. People cannot be but touched. By expressing your journey from the depths of your experience you are opening hearts and are helping Irish society come out of the collective darkness that has enveloped us for so long. So thank you.
A difficult read, and not a situation anyone should have to find themselves in.
So sorry for your loss you are such a strong person telling your story twice, hopefully soon enough the times will change wish you all the best with your future
Why will the Government not hold a referendum on the issue? Surely, it could secure an agreement with the opposition parties on the issue so that all of them would be in favour of a constitutional amendment to permit abortion in cases of fatal foetal abnormality. Therefore, none of the parties would lose votes on the issue.
Just remove the amendment completely and protect women.
Knowing politics, some right-wing populist TD’s/Senators (no names) will see it as the perfect chance to gain the admiration of the old biddy vote, and strongly oppose it, even though opposition to TFMR is indefensible..
@Gerry McCormack
The problem is that the constitutional position of the life of the unborn child prevents the permission of termination in the case of fatal foetal abnormality. Therefore, such permission can take place only if there is a constitutional amendment.
@Killjoy The Second
I doubt it. The elderly Catholics who are opposed to termination of pregnancy in all circumstances constitute an insignificant minority of the electorate.
Yup, but all it would take would be some spin and they could make themselves out as the only pro-life politicians left.. This kind of situation would leave you so cynical of politics, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth
@Killjoy The Second
All the parties in the Dáil would be in favour of such a change. Most voters will not take the opponents seriously.
I want to thank this lady. Her article word for word was what I went through… Except I never got to see my baby. Or asked if it was a boy or girl as my partner didn’t want to know. We had to leave our country. Our home. Our family. Our support network. To go through what I can only describe as the worst nightmare I will ever experience. Our government fights tooth and nail to have a singer preform for five nights… And ignores women men and families going through these horrific times.
***FIGHT FOR TFMR!!! ***
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android
Thats a heartbreaking story.. As someone who is pro life i do think we should legislate for TMFR. No woman should have to travel to another country to bring a doomed much wanted pregnancy to an end. I’d fear for the emotional well being for any woman who has to travel.. Its too much and its not fair and we need it sorted asap
Wow Sinead. Good on you, unexpected but great to hear
Thank you for writing this. We should all remember that you are one of many. Maybe you sharing your story, which was brave, will wake up those in a position to change this state of affairs. I, for one, will be prioritising this as an election issue in 2016.
No change then in Ireland 2014- still women and children are second class citizens and of course the good old RC teaching that because women are less evolved than men “suffering is good for their souls.”
Disgusting that Rome still rules our Eire and her people and those in power dance to their tune.
I have no words
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” Mark Twain
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.
I’m sorry you’re country let you down.
I’m sorry we didn’t stand up and fight harder to prevent your pain.
I hope you find peace.
I hope we won’t need to be sorry to many more of our own people.
I hope you’ve woken us up!
Thank you for sharing your story again. Unfortunately, I fear the answer that Edna Kenny would give you if you asked him that question. Does anyone remember the disgraceful answer peter Mathews gave on Vincent Brown? Basically he said tough and made an analogy with men going down mines. It is that sort of person who ensures families continue to go through such unimaginable trauma
Very sorry for your loss . People shouldnt be nasty posting comments for no one knows the path infront of them my thoughts are with you both and your precious angel xxxxxx
The writer of this article really demonstrates what is needed in this government, compassion, humanity and practicality. Shame on the Irish government for forcing this incredibly courageous woman and others like her into such a situation.
What amazing strength and eloquence you have. Your story naturally brought many tears. well done for highlighting a heartbreaking but fixable situation. I wish you the very very best xx
The picture of your precious Butterfly’s coffin broke my heart. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Women carrying babies with fatal foetal abnormalities should be able to discuss all options with their medical team in order to make a decision that’s right for them. And be able to have that decision catered for in *this* country, whether it’s to let nature take its course, or “turn off the life support” and have a termination.
Ignore the cruel responses that will undoubtedly come. You made the right decision for you. It’s such a shame you had to travel so far away for some humanity and compassion.
Such a heart breaking read. When will the government of ireland realise it 2014 and not 1914. Where still allowing women to suffer horribly in this day and age.
Powerful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your story, took me back to 5 years ago when we had to have CV’s at 20 weeks after the scan showed a thick nuchal fold in our daughter. We were given the same 2 options. Thankfully our test results came back positive and our daughter was born healthy. We find strength in the strangest of places, our soul always knows what to do to heal itself so hang on in there. Sending you lots of healing vibes for you, your family and your angel baby. Shame on this government, shame, shame, shame.
You are an amazing woman to be able to write this and share it with the world. What you and you’re husband went through is unimaginable and completely unfair! This country has let you both down completely, as well as all the couples who have gone through the same thing! I didn’t read your last piece but to think that people left cruel comments is utterly incomprehensible to me. I applaud you on your bravery.
I have tears streaming down my face. You are so very brave to share your story. Nobody should have to endure such suffering. I am horrified to think that people posted cruel comments, you didn’t have a choice. This is wrong on so many levels, the procedure needs to be legal here. I hope someday that you will become parents, you’ll make amazing parents.
Absolutely heartbreaking. No person should ever have to go through that trauma in this day and age. Why should a woman be made continue with a pregnancy having people asking her “when is baby due?” “Is it a boy or girl?” Knowing that your growing bump will never be a healthy baby born alive. It’s cruel beyond words. It shocks me , how can a government be so insensitive. The example I always put to people is if a child was on life support in hospital with no chance of survival, the best thing to do is turn off the life support. But when a women is the life support to a baby who will die, people cannot seem to realise that it’s the exact same thing. I fully support the TFMR and I am always emailing various politicians on behalf of these ladies and although I’ve no children yet who is to say I won’t be in the same position one day. I pray I won’t but who’s to know. God bless all these families that have experienced this unecessary trauma, and made feel that they were doing something wrong when they weren’t. I personally know people who have gone through this and it’s devastating, they still feel they can’t tell people the truth about what happened out of fear of being judged. It’s just not right!! Please please change these cruel laws in Ireland! ! And thanks to the wonderful brave lady for sharing your harrowing story with us. Rest in peace to your baby angel xxxxx
It’s even worse than that, Amanda. A life-support machine can’t feel pain and doesn’t risk damage to its health while acting as a life-support machine. A woman who is forced to go through a pregnancy like this against her will is tortured and traumatised for no good reason. The situation Irish women who need TMFR are left in is grossly immoral and it should be ended for once and for all. Thank you to the brave author for sharing her story. I hope that time will help you and your family come to terms with your loss.
I know it’s shocking what woman are being put through! Ireland should hang it’s head in shame !
Such a sad and needless story. I think things are changing (too) slowly but I do think this will eventually come into Ireland. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you and your family all the best for the future.
I have had the honour of meeting the author and her beautifully written account of her personal tragedy should never have been written, because she should never have experienced it.
In the 13 years since my wife and I lost our first son in similar circumstances this and previous governments have willfully ignored the situation. The responsibility to demonstrate moral and political courage is always the responsibility of the current government – they are the only people who can effect change.
Had this government acted during the Protection of Life in Pregnancy Bill as they were implored to, this author and her husband and so many more couples would not have had to suffer in this way.
In addition to posting your supportive comments here, or just privately empathising and being thankful that this had not happened to you, please please write to all of your local TD’s to express your support for TFMR and to make this an election issue as this appears to be the only thing they will respond to.
I am one of the mothers who chose to carry for as long as possible after a confirmed fatal diagnosis. I was living in the US at the time, so both options were available – carry or terminate. My experience changed my outlook. I don’t know if I’m the stronger one for carrying, for me, those who have to choose the day their much loved baby dies is an almost impossible situation. I have the utmost respect for you and the decision to spare your perfect baby girl from any suffering she might have endured. You wouldn’t let a dog suffer with a fatal diagnosis, why an unborn child?
You are incredibly brave, and a strong voice representing many women in this absolutely terrible situation. I am so ashamed of the people who ridiculed your story, and left abusive comments. It is inevitable, but such a shame in this day and age. Keep doing what you are doing, your voice and story is having an impact. Re. Constitutional ammendment,we are currently in breach of human rights. Ireland should take the recent recommendations of the UN commission on human rights very seriously.
To any politicians that are reading this heartbreaking story, YOU are the ones who can change this. Ask your constituents – the support for legislation permitting TFMR is overwhelming. Those who oppose it are a tiny but highly vocal, well organised and well funded minority, and you already lost them in the run up to The Protection Of Life In Pregnancy Act. Should their zealous US funding be permitted to continue to heap misery on Irish families?
Full of emotions currently amidst of this, I fully support this article even dough faced with the same I would never stop my baby’s heartbeat. While my baby’s heart beats is another day of joy. But I know our battle may not be far, but on that day my payer will be all I had I gave you, every breath and wish are yours. There is no winners in this and although grieve/ pain are inevitable. Support is vital. Support your people in choosing the best medical option for them not turn your back. This is not a lifestyle choice. The decsion is decided already for these family’s. Support the dignity of humanity. Blessings of grace. Our babies name is faith. Xxxxx
‘become parents again’.
An inspiring story of incredible strength though such heartache.
Thank you for being brave enough to share it.
I cannot begin to understand how tough it must be to hear your baby has such a condition and then to be told you can’t have the procedure in Ireland but have to travel abroad at such a vulnerable time.
Then to go through that heartache and not be able to respectfully bring your baby home to bury them.
It’s just goes beyond all comprehension.
Why are the government shying away from helping these families in the toughest of times? It’s time for them to stand up and take accountability.
I was “lucky” enough to live this same story in France. I’m from Colombia, and if I had to pass through this in my country, I assure you, it will be the worst place in the world… I just want to send you a big hug, to tell you that I felt the same, that I feel completely identified with your story, and that nobody want to go through a situation like this… And that judgement, and opinions from outside shoudn’t touch you, because you’re a brave mom. It’s just a love decision.
Such a heartbreaking story, you are so brave to write so honestly,
Butterfly RIP
The older I get the more I learn how cruel the world we live in is.
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