‘WHAT’S IRELAND LIKE’? ‘What do you miss most about Ireland’?

These are the two most common questions I get when people either notice my, albeit fading, Irish accent or when my ‘Irishness’ presents itself in some other fashion.

For most people, these questions are merely conversation fillers to be treated with not more than a moment’s thought and frequent mentions of Guinness, the GAA, and other generic answers that evoke stereotypical images of Ireland, but I’ve always struggled with the appropriate, or at least personally accurate, answers to these questions.

It’s not as if they are particularly hard to answer and I wouldn’t be lying if I used the stock ‘friends and family’ answer but they are moments that cause you to reflect on what it means to be Irish and more specifically on what it means to be Irish in another country.

I wanted to live in America 

I arrived in New York on December 31st 2013 and outside of a two-week trip back last summer I’ve now been away for over one year. I can’t say I specifically left because of the terrible economy and lack of job opportunities, but they certainly didn’t give me much pause as I went through the arduous process of getting a one-year graduate visa.

I left because I wanted to leave Ireland and because I wanted to live in America. By and large the move has been a success and the moments of regret have been few and far between. I haven’t found the American economy to be any more forgiving than the Irish one, but I have been lucky enough to get married and begin my application for residency.

As the months have rolled into a full year I’ve often found myself wondering about my relationship with Ireland. I find it similar to having a contentious relationship with a close friend. You criticise, complain about and move away from the person but you still feel close and often think about the good times you had.

Mixed emotions

I was reminded of this relationship when the polarising figure of Conor McGregor popped up on my TV screen in the middle of the NFL playoffs. On one of the biggest events on the American sporting calendar, here was a paddy-hat-wearing Conor McGregor speaking directly to millions of American people.

This elicited mixed emotions in me and encapsulated many of the conflicting thoughts I have in relation to Ireland. I find McGregor eminently dislikable. His preening and cocky personality, that seem rooted in an overwrought sense of Irish nationalism, make my shudder when I think of the millions of Americans who view him as a true representation of Ireland.

He seems to have distilled what it means to be Irish down to the waving of the tricolor, making obnoxious remarks about his opponents and being the walking embodiment of the ‘fighting Irish’ caricature. He represents a part of Ireland I have no interest in and in truth, I wanted him to lose the fight he was on the screen promoting.

… Or did I? Because despite my initial reaction I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of pride as I watched the American broadcasters discuss him and his loud mouth personality. If they were celebrating him, why couldn’t I? This question was brought into even clearer focus as I witnessed McGregor dismantle his German opponent Dennis Siver later that night. I couldn’t help but feel proud of an Irish sportsman excelling in front of a global audience.

As I watched the over excitable people of Fox Sports celebrate McGregor, I realised there are still many occasions where I enjoy being labelled as ‘the Irish guy’. When you live abroad it’s as if all other facets of your personality are superseded by your nationality but I still enjoy those moments when people realise I am ‘real Irish’ and not just second or third generation. I love when there’s a positive news story about Ireland or when I notice something that we just do better than the Americans (charging for plastic bags being one of the most obvious ones).

My relationship with Ireland

What McGregor did was remind me of the parts of Ireland I do not miss or want to be associated with but when they’re framed in terms of living outside of Ireland they take on a different meaning. McGregor and his shtick are embarrassing but I can take them or leave them. Condemn his distasteful manner but rejoice in his sporting prowess. Although slightly embarrassing, McGregor becomes strangely more palatable outside of Ireland.

And that’s where my relationship with Ireland stands at the moment. There are people, places and memories that I miss, but it can be comforting to just reminisce about them and paint them with a fine coat of nostalgia instead of interacting with them.

As for an answer to the question, I haven’t found the perfect response yet except to say that I miss plenty of things about Ireland, while quietly avoiding the parts I’m glad to be away from.

Stephen Gaffney is a blogger based in Connecticut, USA but originally from Sligo, Ireland. This post originally appeared on his blog The Usual Baseballs. Follow Stephen on Twitter @stephengaffney