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'It was always my job to check if Dad was breathing after he passed out'

Living with a parent who is an alcoholic is confusing, isolating and terrifying for young people. Why are we not doing more to help them?

IT WAS ALWAYS my job to check Dad was breathing. In a way it was the easiest job. I’d walk past him every now and then and put my hand up to his mouth. If I felt a breath I’d go on with my day. Thankfully there was never a day when he wasn’t breathing. But you couldn’t tell from looking at him, passed out in his armchair.

I don’t come from a bad family. Dad had a high profile job and was well known in the community. My brothers and I got good grades, did well in sports and played an instrument or two. People would always tell me how lucky I was to have a dad like mine, due mostly to the big job he had. They presumed he drove a BMW and that we lived in a big house with a manicured garden.

How could I explain?

Of course, they never saw my house. They couldn’t. How could I explain why my father sleeps all evening in the living room? Or why my mother is constantly stressed and strongly medicated?

Every now and then she’d come home with a new illness she had heard about on Oprah. All these illnesses caused stumbling, slurry speech, behavioural changes, appetite loss. They all had exactly the same signs and symptoms of alcoholism, and that must be what was wrong with my dad. He couldn’t be drinking, he swore he only drank socially. Anyone who suggested that the drunkard in the corner may be inebriated was made go up and apologise to him.

He never had to apologise for the outbursts. For swearing at us, for driving us to our piano lessons drunk, for falling over and breaking our TV on Christmas Day as I tried to hook up the playstation.

Was drinking at 8am normal?

As the only girl, I slept in the living room of the two bed apartment on holidays. In Gran Canaria I remember Dad coming into the kitchen and cracking open a beer at 8am. Then another by 9am. He was a social drinker, he was on holidays. Back in school I went to ask my best friend if this was normal dad behaviour. I stopped myself. I was 16 and didn’t want to ask stupid questions. He was on holidays, of course he would have a drink at 8am.

It took a letter from his employer saying the game was up to force him into rehab. I was doing my mock exams for my Leaving Cert. Everyone around me was worrying about essays and theorems, my only concern was that he would stay the course and give me a break. I just wished he would stay there forever and let us get on with our lives.

The day I began my exams I walked past my mum trying to pack a suitcase for him in the hallway. He had finally agreed to go into rehab lest he lose his precious job. As I walked out the door he threw his pyjamas at a wall and shouted, “Ok, I’ll go. But I’m not wearing those pyjamas”.

Young people living with an alcoholic parent need more support 

I thought he was just an angry overgrown teenager. I was completely ignorant about addiction and how it completely takes over a person’s personality. I had friends tell me all sorts of secrets during my teenage years; some were gay, transgender, sleeping with married men and yet I didn’t feel I could tell them my secret. It wasn’t my secret, it was my dad’s. I didn’t feel I could tell someone else’s story.

Even now I feel guilty writing this. Rehab worked for him and he hasn’t had a drink in ten years.

I’m still shocked I thought early morning drinking was normal. I’m annoyed there isn’t more help and information for young people. Just last month a court heard how a teenage girl went to a garda station to complain about her difficult home situation with her alcoholic mother. The gardaí sent her away and told her to come back with an adult.

No one needs to be told that alcoholism is extremely common in Ireland. The fact that there is very little help available for young people is a national embarrassment.

This story is shared by ‘Teens Affected by Addiction’, a Young Social Innovators project from Mount Mercy College in Cork. The students have recently received funding from the YSI Den to publish a book with the stories of adults who grew up with an addict in the home. Please see www.teensaffectedbyaddiction.com or email  affectedbyaddictionysi@gmail.com if you would like to share your story.

Follow Teens Affected by Addiction on Twitter: @affbyaddiction

The county with the most people seeking treatment for alcohol abuse? Waterford

Alcohol Forum says alcohol is wreaking havoc on communities around Ireland

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    Mute Carmella Mcgilvery
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:31 PM

    if television adds 10 pounds …does ryan tubridy even exist ??

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    Mute Seth Mcguinness
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    Dec 13th 2015, 12:25 AM

    He exists as pure energy just for his wages.

    13
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    Mute Luke Sarpish
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:03 PM

    Mark Whalburg didn’t even to get to sit down before chopstick Tubridy asked about his Irish roots.

    280
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    Mute Peter McGlynn
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:51 PM

    Sure we claim them just because their great great aunt was raped by an Irish slave-owner ffs.

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    Mute Peter McGlynn
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:51 PM

    Great great grandmother obviously :-).

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    Mute Free comment ratings
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:02 PM

    Thanks for clearing that up peter.

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    Mute Gerry Campbell
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:50 PM

    Ah he probably tipped the two of them , ur ok..

    27
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    Mute OneTrueVoice
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:03 PM

    The Late Late Show with Ryan Tubridy.

    Ireland’s answer to I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

    240
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    Mute John Smith
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:34 PM

    Ireland’s Alan Partridge.

    78
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    Mute DonalC
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:43 PM

    Brendan O Connor was absolutely horrific as well. People let D’Arcy blind them into forgetting how crap the two of them were. Just rewatch that Pussy Riot interview and tell me O’Connor was doing a decent job!

    Irish TV is just dreadful in general

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    Mute Hypernova
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:29 PM

    In fairness Donal,I don’t think anyone on Earth would be able to have a good interview with Pussy Riot.They were a small bit strange and the language barrier didn’t help.

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    Mute Myles Sheehan
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    Dec 12th 2015, 3:56 PM

    Brendan O’Connor’s interview with Liam Gallagher was one of the worst things I’ve seen any any talk show. He’s such a cringey bollocks.

    40
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    Mute Tony Le Blanc
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    Dec 12th 2015, 4:32 PM

    Really John? That’s like trying to decide which animals dung you would rather have thrown at you.

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    Mute Seán Domhnall O'Sullivan
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    Dec 12th 2015, 8:36 PM

    Pat Kenny with Pete Doherty was the one that sent me over the edge. Truly awful even if I’d ever defend rte, which I wouldnt

    13
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    Mute Linny
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:20 PM

    Every time Tubridy said “You guys”, I died a little inside.

    208
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    Mute Alan Biddulph
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:08 PM

    So tell me about your kids, are they normal? Amazing journalistic skills from the the main man.

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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:09 PM

    If Tubridy is talented, I’m Santa Claus!

    91
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    Mute Periguin
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:13 PM

    Dear Fred,
    I’ve been a very good boy this year……..

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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:20 PM

    Dear Periguin, I will give you all you wished for this year……

    First prove to me Tubridy is “Talented”

    Ho! Ho! …..Ho!

    40
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    Mute Sinead Hanley
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:27 PM

    When the likes of Tubridy and that dreadful Xpose crew meet a Hollywood Star, I want to barf.. Have you got Irish roots/did u have the craic in an Irish pub/would u like to make a film in Ireland/when are you coming back.. These questions are patronising.. I am sure the stars in question find them boring too

    148
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    Mute Ben Connolly
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:59 PM

    Tubridy asked them are your kids normal omg what a question

    58
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    Mute Patrick James Walsh
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:36 PM

    Tubridy is just so plain cringe inducing, embarrassing to watch him make an idiot of himself, night after night, surely there is someone reasonably competent in RTE to host a chat show without having to watch this car crash tv.

    55
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    Mute Supernova
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    Dec 12th 2015, 3:19 PM

    I had to turn it off.. To cringey!

    35
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    Mute Cupid Stunt
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:48 PM

    Isn’t it great to be known as a nation of drunks.

    44
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    Mute Martin Healy
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    Dec 12th 2015, 3:35 PM

    Ryan turbridy he’s as sincere as a prostuitute’s kiss

    41
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    Mute Tony Le Blanc
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    Dec 12th 2015, 4:35 PM

    Tubridy; Irelands answer to a question nobody has ever asked.

    36
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    Mute bacoxy
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:24 PM

    Where is the story about Paul Murphy and the FOI request from Irish water gone? Why have ye removed it?

    35
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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:24 PM

    Mr. Tubridy reminds me of a Skoda with alloy wheels, pardon me if I sound a little biased.

    24
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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:26 PM

    I meant the 70′s Skodas, Not too many reds now boys and girls, or your wishes wont come true.

    Merry Christmas………

    23
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    Mute Periguin
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:27 PM

    Lada comes to mind, with a sunroof and heated rear window.

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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:31 PM

    Thats what I meant>>> DOH…

    You’ve been a very good boy Periguin………Now… besides removing a stick insect from the National Broadcaster…..What would you like for Christmas?

    15
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    Mute Periguin
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:39 PM

    ummm, world peace and a decent political structure and represntatives. Impossible, i know, but.

    21
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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:58 PM

    You’re right, Impossible, meanwhile here is a Ryan Tubridy colouring book with markers, shouldn’t take you too long to fill in………….

    18
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    Mute Richard McCarthy
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:24 PM

    Glad you cleared that up Fred,for the record the 152 hi tec Skoda Octavia 2.0 L TDI combi L@K is one mean machine,best value for money car around bar none,no wonder the taxi drivers at Stansted airport prefer them.

    15
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    Mute Fred Astare Astare
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:36 PM

    Ehhh. I had one, you are right, a great yoke, unfortunately I got it mixed up with my past life as Periguin pointed out the Czech/Russian LADA, which in all honesty were post war cans of proverbial P@ss,

    13
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    Mute molly coddled
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    Dec 12th 2015, 4:30 PM

    What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill?….a miracle.

    15
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    Mute Periguin
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    Dec 12th 2015, 5:51 PM

    Nah, ready to start.

    5
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    Mute Denise Friary
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:39 PM

    That Turdy is a bad example of a man I ever did see.

    21
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    Mute Periguin
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    Dec 12th 2015, 1:42 PM

    I does be always listening in english grammar class and do be doing all my homework.

    51
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    Mute Bart Renolds
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    Dec 12th 2015, 3:18 PM

    Tubbs is rte ‘s love child

    18
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    Mute lavbeer
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:11 PM

    Tubridy is though evidence that we as a people can see the bigger picture and the better future by not holding the actions good or bad of his grandfather against him.

    Long may this continue.

    15
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    Mute Cupid Stunt
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    Dec 12th 2015, 2:29 PM

    His grandad was in the ira but besides that tubs was in fianna fail, and paid hundreds of thousands of Euro for being an apologist for the govt. I’m glad I’ve never bought a tv license.

    32
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    Mute James Keane
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    Dec 12th 2015, 7:45 PM

    Why can’t we get a proper presenter to do our number one talk show. I mean Kenny was ok but tubs is actually embarrassing and this season is his worst yet. D’Arcy actually does a worse job, which is sayin something too.

    11
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    Mute paul kelly
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    Dec 13th 2015, 3:21 PM

    If Ryan turd was a chicken curry….

    1
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