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My dead pancreas 'My diabetes diagnosis is celebrating its 20th birthday'

I inject myself roughly eight times a day and I don’t always behave myself around doughnuts or fried cheese, writes Caitríona Daly.

I WAS DIAGNOSED with type one diabetes in May 1997. Maths geniuses out there may now have surmised that my diagnosis is celebrating its 20th birthday and I felt I should probably mark it in some way, given that on its tenth birthday I was probably too busy drinking Tesco vodka in a UCD bathroom.

Because, yes, diabetics like to get drunk too. We like to gorge on doughnuts, get high on yokes, and eat a Dominoes meal for three in a single sitting.

The difference is that if I’m not careful I could legitimately die.

People are misinformed about diabetes

I fully accept that a perfectly healthy human being could also die from any or all of these activities. The main difference for a diabetic is that it would be like playing a football match when you don’t have a foot, or feet for that matter. Hence, you’d probably just fall over, cry a little and then, be forcefully removed from the playing field.

I like to use analogies a lot when I talk about diabetes. This is mainly because nobody seems to really know what it’s about, except that it means you’re fat.

I am slightly overweight at best; I am not fat. This did not, however, save me from the complexities that come with being a teenager who has diabetes.

I realised early on that every time I informed someone of my condition, they began to measure up my appearance with what I had just said. Some would say: “But you’re not fat?” And others would say nothing, leading me to belief that yes, I was fat, their silence had confirmed it.

Type One versus Two

All of this, for the most part, was projection on my part. I am sure most of the people who I told I had diabetes had no clue what it was, just some funny word that Scott Malkinson said on South Park. But the judging was there for some people and they were trying to see if I fitted into the cookie cutter mould of what a diabetic looked like.

Now don’t get me wrong, this common image of what a diabetic looks like is not incorrect. If you are overweight and/or treat your body abysmally, you can develop diabetes. But there is an enormity of a difference in what type one diabetes and type two diabetes are.

I think that it may be time for another analogy. If you have type two diabetes you have a severely broken arm. It’s going to cause complications in your life, but you still have an arm and luckily there are certain things you can do to make it as functional as it can be.

If you have type one diabetes, you don’t have an arm at all, not even a shoulder and worse than that, you had an arm for a little while and that arm was grand. Then one day you were rehearsing for Big Chief Red Feather in your school hall and your mam came in and took you to hospital. She said your arm had disappeared and sure enough, you look down and your arm is gone.

I want to broaden public perception

Is it coming across like I have an obsession with limbs? I probably do but this is largely due to the fact that external parts of our bodies tend to garner most attention when it comes to injuries and illnesses. They are understood more clearly and vindicated much easier than my poor dead pancreas.

If the public’s only calling card for me as a diabetic is an expanding waistband, I’d rather not talk about my illness and I don’t think that’s right. And I’m not millennial bashing anything because jokes are grand, I love a good joke.

At the same time I’d like to think the bloke who tells me “My Momma’s so fat when Dracula drank her blood he got diabetes…” also understood that he is purely poking fun at a stereotype because really he gets that diabetes both one and two are complex conditions, unique of themselves.

I inject myself roughly eight times a day and yes sometimes I have to do it in public and sometimes people do wince. I don’t always behave myself when it comes to doughnuts or wine or deep-fried cheese. But I am doing my best. Just because your pancreas is dead doesn’t mean your mouth is.

Twenty years later and I feel if I’m forever to be associated with my long-term illness, I need to broaden its public perception, even if that’s with terrible limb fuelled analogies. Because at the end of the day it really is just like Scott Malkinson said: “I’m Scott Malkinson I have diabetes.”

Caitríona Daly is a playwright from Dublin, she blogs at medium.com/@caitrionadaly.

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35 Comments
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    Mute Martin O'Brien
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:12 PM

    Take me now Lord, for my life is now complete and I am ready to gaze upon thy face.

    126
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    Mute Alan Kelly's Ego
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:14 PM

    If you stick your head out the window and stand on one leg with a coat hanger sticking out of your arse pocket it enhances the reception even further. Try it

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    Mute Micheal OLainn
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:50 PM

    I find it better to stand on my head and hold the phone upside down but your method gives superior reception.

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    Mute Larissa Caroline Nikolaus
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    Sep 7th 2016, 9:31 PM

    I find, if you use a gyroscopic compass and then orient yourself to true north, stand on one leg, singing the hedgehog song, it’ll make you look extremely silly, and your phone reception is not affected in the least

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    Mute Les McQueen
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:01 PM

    Well Holy God.

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    Mute RandomAct Of Kindnes
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:42 PM

    Moral of the story.. The iPhone 6S, iPhone & iPhone 5SE are the worst for call quality.

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    Mute Partysauras Rex
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:15 PM

    Actually the article itself states:

    “The only phones that performed worse when held with the right hand were the HTC 10, the Microsoft Lumia 950 and Huawei P9.”

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    Mute Darren Byrne
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:23 PM

    Partysauras

    That’s worse than compare to when they are held in the left hand. You forgot to include post from my iPhone in your comment or did the signal just cut out.

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    Mute RandomAct Of Kindnes
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    Sep 7th 2016, 5:29 PM

    @Partysauras — Actually the report itself states Apple iPhone 6S. Apple iPhone 6,Apple iPhone 6S & Apple iPhone 6S plus are the worst if holding on your left hand.

    See Page 8/9 Of full Report.
    http://www.pts.se/upload/Rapporter/Tele/2016/MobilephoneTest2016-augusti-2016.pdf

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    Mute James Delaney
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    Sep 8th 2016, 12:28 AM

    @random – Your taxing my brain.

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    Mute Shawn Rahoon
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:17 PM

    If you stood with the phone in your right hand then turn around and hold in your left how the fuk could there be a difference in reception?

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    Mute Gunnarsahn
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    Sep 7th 2016, 6:02 PM

    what if you pleasure yourself with your right hand..?

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    Mute Joey_Westland
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:13 PM

    Cool, easier to drive with the phone in your right hand also…..

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    Mute ⚡ SCO Electrical ⚡
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:34 PM

    What date is it??!!

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    Mute Martin Sinnott
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:22 PM

    It’s not April first is it

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    Mute Living The Laws
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:24 PM

    using the left hand always makes it feel like someone else anyway

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    Mute Motherofdivinejebus
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    Sep 7th 2016, 5:01 PM

    What would happen if you held your phone in your left hand, and just turned 180 degrees ?

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    Mute Fiona Fitzgerald
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    Sep 7th 2016, 9:54 PM

    You might get dizzy and drop your phantom head?

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    Mute Micheal OLainn
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    Sep 7th 2016, 3:51 PM

    iPhone, therefore I am.

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    Mute KM TON
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:11 PM

    Was a shit joke in the other story today and it’s still a shit one now lad..

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    Mute Brendan Mason
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    Sep 7th 2016, 4:21 PM

    Why not meet the person you are calling and then have the conversation. No need for phones.

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    Mute John Moylan
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    Sep 7th 2016, 9:25 PM

    ..@Brendan…..tried that. Twice. First time I had to turn back: 60 minutes rowing out into the Atlantic I was knackered. Second time cost me €1200. Can never get cheap tickets to Atlanta. ..

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    Mute James Delaney
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    Sep 8th 2016, 12:30 AM

    @johm moylan – For Cheap Tockets, Pat H is your only man.

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    Mute Shelley Keary
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    Sep 8th 2016, 12:13 AM

    Hahaha iPhones are crap. Told ya

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    Mute Paula Doran
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    Sep 7th 2016, 11:01 PM

    And I always thought I’d better hearing in my right ear!

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    Mute Madra Rua
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    Sep 7th 2016, 9:04 PM

    If you stood on your head with a phone in either hand you still wouldn’t get a decent reception around here! And there was I thinking 3 were the problem!

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    Mute Cathal O'Donoghue
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    Sep 8th 2016, 2:21 PM

    That photo was taken in Croke park where, on a match day, it doesn’t matter whether you hold it in your hand or between your teeth.

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