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'I am so proud that my body was Carragh’s safe haven for those 38 weeks, that it was her home'

I took comfort and healing from the 38 weeks Carragh and I spent together, writes Mandy O’Neill.

OUR DAUGHTER CARRAGH was diagnosed with a life-limiting condition when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I never knew such a diagnosis even existed.

We were completely devastated. I couldn’t understand how my little baby, who I could feel wriggling around inside me, could be so sick and that there was no cure. She couldn’t be fixed.

Our options

Following Carragh’s diagnosis we were given two options, travel to Liverpool to end the pregnancy, or continue to carry her until Carragh decided to arrive.

I feel that all of the focus of the media discussion around these situations is on abortion, even though most Irish parents decide to continue with their pregnancy, as we did.

We decided that Carragh would make all the decisions, and we took that time to make memories that will last a lifetime. We took so many photos of my growing bump. We went for walks. We sang to Carragh and we read to her.

We laughed when she reacted to loud noises, and then to her Daddy’s voice. She was such an active baby. She was mostly quiet during the day but at night-time, when we went to bed, she would kick, and wriggle, letting us know she was happy and safe.

I carried Carragh for 38 weeks, the most amazing, rewarding 38 weeks of my life.

Giving birth

Carragh was born on November 3 2015, after a long and difficult labour. When she was placed on my chest, the love I felt for her was indescribable. She was more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.

Her Dad and I just could not believe how beautiful and perfect our darling daughter was. Carragh had my small nose, and her daddy’s long fingers and long legs. She had the most perfectly pouted rose-bud lips, and a full head of dark silky hair.

Looking at how peaceful Carragh was we knew she made her own decision about when and how she would come. We placed all our trust in her when we were given her diagnosis 18 weeks previously.

My baby daughter never experienced life outside of my womb. Her little life consisted of 38 weeks inside me where she lived, grew and was loved, and to me that is truly amazing, a life of knowing only love. I am so proud that my body was Carragh’s safe haven for those 38 weeks, that it was her home.

She has made us better people

The love that Carragh brought into our lives is indescribable. She has made us better people and better parents. We appreciate everyday life now and we no longer take anything for granted.

Carragh’s very short but beautiful life has forever changed our lives. She left us with beautiful memories to cherish forever, and a love that we will continue to live on, in her memory and in her honour. Our little girl is with us every day. It’s in our hearts and in our minds. She is never far from our thoughts.

The grief and pain of losing your baby is a pain like no other, and the weeks and months following Carragh’s death, was the darkest and hardest time of my life. I just wanted her back. My arms felt so empty. They were aching for my beautiful daughter who I birthed and then had to kiss goodbye.

Seeing the beauty in life again

Slowly I began to see the beauty in life again, I took comfort and healing from the 38 weeks Carragh and I spent together.

I’ve learnt that the bond between Carragh and I can never be broken. She will forever be mine, not even death can change that. She will walk with me through the rest of my life, guiding me, giving me the strength and determination I need to live my life to the fullest for both of us.

Carragh is my inspiration and I want to make her proud. She is, and always will be, a very special little girl, and her little life has had a huge impact on our lives and on our family.

When I think back to the day we were given Carragh’s diagnosis, I’m happy that the Eighth Amendment was in place. It not only protected Carragh’s life and mine, it ensured we both received the best standard of care throughout our pregnancy and after.

I am privileged to have carried Carragh and to call her my daughter. I would relive every minute of our pregnancy again just to hold her one more time and kiss her soft cheek. She was worth every second.

Mandy O’Neill is in the final year of a politics and history degree. She returned to finish her degree after Carragh passed away.

‘There’s a strong chance the Assembly won’t recommend repealing the Eighth Amendment outright’>

Opinion: ‘The government won’t remove the Church from its authority over social services until we demand it’>

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    Mute Dermot D
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    Aug 29th 2011, 11:13 AM

    So the catholic authorities believe that “protecting” confession is more important than protecting children from paedophiles and yet most Irish people want their children baptised catholic. What a strange country we live in.

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    Mute Joe Sixtwo
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    Aug 29th 2011, 11:24 AM

    There should be only one law in this country for everyone. No exceptions for men in pointed hats and dresses.

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    Mute Conor Hickey
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    Aug 29th 2011, 11:17 AM

    Simple aid to root out evil is to make it law that religious require Garda clearance as di health sector workers.

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    Mute Antóin O Cinnéde
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    Aug 29th 2011, 5:54 PM

    Excellent idea. Although I would wonder how many priests only became criminals after joining the priesthood.

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    Mute Alpine Lar
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    Aug 29th 2011, 12:25 PM

    The law’s the law. U don’t like it then piss off to somewhere that wants you.

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    Mute June Annette
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    Aug 29th 2011, 4:01 PM

    SEAN BRADY, a so-called “prince of the church”, who covered up the criminal acts of the notorious predator priest, BRENDAN SMYTH should be prosecuted, as they are nothing more than PAEDOPHILE ENABLERS!

    Priest’s victims forced into vow of silence March 15, 2010 David Sharrock, Ireland Correspondent The leader of the Catholic Church in Ireland resisted calls for his resignation yesterday, despite admitting that he took part in meetings where the victims of a paedophile priest were forced to take a vow of silence. Cardinal Sean Brady, the Primate of All Ireland, has confirmed he was present at a closed canonical tribunal in 1975 when two child victims of Father Brendan Smyth were ordered to sign agreements under oath that they would not discuss what happened to them with anybody other than an approved priest. ******* Mr O’Gorman, a survivor of clerical abuse, said it was obscene that the victims were required to sign oaths of secrecy and that it was unthinkable for Cardinal Brady to remain as head of the Church in Ireland. “Whatever his youth, experience or supposed innocence back in 1975, I do not find his defence of ‘I was following orders’ remotely satisfactory,” he said. “He believed that this out-of-control paedophile had abused children and he did nothing to report this crime to the police either then, or it would appear, at any point over the next 20 years, during which Smyth continued to rape and abuse in parishes across the world with near impunity. Instead he took part in a cover-up of Smyth’s crimes.” Source: Times Online – UK Link: http:www.timesonline.co.uktolnewsworldirelandarticle7061540.ece

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    Mute June Annette
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    Aug 29th 2011, 3:54 PM

    The recently released Cloyne Report makes it abundantly clear that the careless and reckless policy adopted by the self-serving so-called “representatives of Christ on earth” that placed their reputation and that of their “church” above the welfare of children is still in force. These so-called “princes of the church”, who imagine themselves answerable and accountable to no one, continue to arrogantly flaunt and defy the laws of the land while leaving vulnerable children prey to the perverted and depraved appetites of the predator priests in their midst.
    The global Roman Catholic Clergy Abuse SCANDAL brought to light in our day by the providence and mercy of God, in which the Roman Catholic hierarchy have consistently deferred to canon caw relegating it above civil law, reveals their arrogant contempt for the law of the land. The Bible gives them no license to make such an outrageous claim. Rather it was Christ Himself who said: “render therefore unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s” (Matt. 22:21)

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    Mute Joe Sixtwo
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    Aug 29th 2011, 7:00 PM

    June,
    The Bible has no authority period.

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    Mute Adam Magari
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    Aug 29th 2011, 1:33 PM

    I wonder how many Roman Catholics have made their confessions before priests engaged in child sex abuse?

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    Mute Torrentum Cedron
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    Aug 29th 2011, 10:31 PM

    And how do they think they’d enforce this law? A private conversation between two people, in a private room. Who’s gonna know what’s said? Ridiculous argument. An unenforceable law.

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    Mute RP McMurphy
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    Aug 29th 2011, 11:55 PM

    Enforcement will be THE issue. Impossible. Of course many will try entrapment, but sadly, it will get media attention for all the wrong reasons and will become a farce. Stopping the evil of pedophilia in all religions will be as difficult as ridding general society of it. It’s insidious by it’s very nature and an illness that has survived the tests of time.

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    Mute Patrick Sarsfield
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    Aug 30th 2011, 2:59 AM

    I can’t believe Shatter and the commentators in favor of this measure. You seriously want your pastor to be a state-sponsored informer??? If so, you are slaves and deserve everything that servile attitude brings. True freedom-loving people are few and far between in Ireland it seems.

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    Mute Sheila Murphy
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    Aug 29th 2011, 6:55 PM

    if a child tells a priest in confession of abuse that they’re being subjected to, surely the priest would not be breaking any confessional secrets, as it’s not the child’s that’s doing wrong when they report it?

    Regardless, the confession box (and how many people on here have been in one lately?) is not above the law.

    If I committed a crime, and my boss knowingly hides it, surely we both would be liable to prosecution? Why is this never applied to the Church (or for that matter corrupt politicians)???

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    Mute Story bud
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    Aug 29th 2011, 4:21 PM

    What about all the solicitors who knew all about the abuse that was going on and hid it. Its not who you know or what you know, but what you know about who you know, that will help your career in ireland.!!!

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    Mute Fiachra Maolmordha Ó Raghallaigh
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    Aug 29th 2011, 2:08 PM

    We must pray for Fr Smyth.

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    Mute David Hamilton
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    Aug 29th 2011, 9:05 PM

    A lot of people will be making arguments and comments on the sanctimony of the confessional seal over the coming weeks. Most will be of the “Why should they get special treatment?” or “Religious freedom is a human right” ilk: – reasonable-sounding, but utterly useless, as they fail to properly address the fact that the ultimate argument for preserving the sanctity of the church is “God said it, so I’m right”. If you are a Catholic (a proper Catholic I mean – not the a la carte variety), then you must support this, if not you cannot.

    The church may try to garner popular support by claiming that the confessional is a pastoral service, helping the psychological well-being of their adherents by letting them declare contrition in a formalised setting. This is makes no sense. The state does not give “get out of jail free” cards to psychiatrists that withhold information they gain in counselling sessions, so priests cannot use that argument.

    The only real argument they have is that they should be allowed to deal with the wrong-doings of their supporters in the way that they see fit. Their priests are taking care of the souls of the people involved, so it is a necessary function in order to preserve their everlasting life-after-death. Of course, when you corner the average Catholic and ask them if they really believe what the church teaches (that anyone that dies without being absolved of their sins in confession will suffer everlasting damnation), I think you will find that they are Catholic in chosen demographic only – not in belief.

    It would be interesting to see this play out a little in the press. It will be a delicate exercise for the Catholic Church – having to hold the line on Church dogma while not alienating their flock. In the end of course, they will have to play it like the journos protecting their sources – keep quiet and hope nobody asks. If a priest ends up behind bars, it would be a massive coup – the martyr who went to jail for standing up to the godless Irish heathens!

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