AH YES, YOU can almost taste it in the air, can’t you? That elusive bit of annual leave for a well-deserved break. Holiday season is on the horizon. Maybe you’re heading off to warmer climes or maybe you’re staying in Ireland and praying the lesser-spotted sun decides to shine.
Whichever it is, there truly is nothing like hitting that out of office button, saying goodbye to work for a few days and switching into holiday mode. No responsibilities, no stress, and no worries. That is of course unless you’re a mum, because for us there is no out of office button and the pre-holiday prep that goes with it, often turns into another full-time job.
As I packed up my two children for our break away earlier this year, my endless list of pre-holiday jobs beside me, I had a flashback to the good old days of getting ready for a holiday pre-kids.
And I remember it being a really nice thing, with very little stress. I’d swan off to the shops and pick up my few essentials and then take my time thinking long and hard about what outfits to bring. What dresses went with what sandals and what was the best way to bring a sun hat without it getting crumpled? The most stressful part was remembering my passport and thinking about what tipple I might have in departures to kick things off.
Two children later, that scenario sounds like a dream. Prepping to go on holidays as a mother of little people is an entirely different kettle of fish to simply jetting off as a grown up.
Getting small children ready for a holiday is stressful no matter what their age, but it’s particularly full on when your kids are young, and you’re also trying to balance work and ensure everything is handed over. Before our very first holiday with our then 20-month-old, I naively remember thinking it would be fairly simple. Sure, his clothes were tiny and wouldn’t take up too much space, right?
Wrong.
We ended up taking everything but the kitchen sink and to be honest, packing for babies and toddlers is like prepping for a tactical military manoeuvre. The amount of stuff you need to remember is staggering. Bottles, nappies, creams, bibs, soothers, teddies, potties, toys, plus all the usual holiday stuff like clothes, sun cream, hats, shoes, swimsuits, armbands, etc. Depending on your young kids’ ages, you can be just short of hiring a professional sherpa from Nepal to help you carry all their stuff.
And that’s just the physical prep. The really exhausting part is everything else. The so-called ‘mental load’ that often falls on the mum. The pre-holiday organisation, making sure there are bed rails, cots, or highchairs at the destination, the logistics of getting there, the passports, the washing, rearranging appointments, or getting the dog minded, and a million and one other seemingly small things that need to be ticked off the list before you leave. And don’t get me started on the supposed ease of a self-catering holiday.
Yes, it’s bloody great, isn’t it? No. It’s just cooking in another, less well-equipped kitchen with blunt knives and a sticky frying pan and a load of other things to have to bring like kitchen paper and tea bags.
Often, by the time we mums get to our holiday destination, we are depleted and running on empty. We’re often fit to collapse, but we can’t because holidays with small kids are akin to a high-octane boot camp and there is no let-up. Plus, we still have the added pressure of ensuring sure we make those precious memories for our children.
The truth is, behind every successful family holiday you’ll often find one happy, but equally exhausted mother.
I’d love to say that my mum friends’ experiences are any different. I’d love to say I’ll hand half of the pre-holiday responsibilities over to my husband and share the load, but the reality is it just doesn’t work out that way because more often than not, it won’t get done. Bar a few exceptions, in the main it’s the mothers who end up carrying the can.
Thankfully, things do get easier when your children get out of the small phase and can do a bit more of their own packing and prep. Mine are four and seven and it’s been much easier to go away with them now, versus when they were a baby and toddler. You’d also be forgiven for assuming that escaping without your family in tow is much easier, right?
Er, not really.
In fact, I would argue that the going away with your friends, minus the family prep, is probably more stressful. Why? Well, there’s the guilt factor for a start. Until you’ve had a four-year-old lay it on thicker than wallpaper paste as you try and throw a few knickers into a suitcase, you don’t know guilt. “I’ll miss you SO, SO MUCH mummy and why do you always go away without me? (when in reality I’ve probably left the house without them once in a blue moon).
The real task, though, is the endless prepping of everything to run as smoothly as if you were there and not away for a few days. There’s the organising and redistribution of all your so-called invisible duties like school runs, activity pickups and drop offs, uniforms, appointments, dinners, shopping, playdates, appointments, etc. It’s trying to brief the other half on all those seemingly small, but actually, very important things you just know and do as a matter of course, while trying to rope in grandparents, minders, friends and any other semi-responsible grown-ups, to pitch in so the ship doesn’t run aground when you’re gone.
Sure, some will say go off and enjoy, you’re overthinking it. And it’s partly true. The world won’t stop turning because you go away for the weekend with your friends and leave the family at home to fend for themselves. And in some ways, you’ve got to just step back and let them all learn as they go and figure it out themselves. All grand in theory, but who exactly do you think ends up having to clean up the inevitable carnage that ensures once you get back?
Answers on a postcard.
Niamh O’Reilly is a freelance writer and wrangler of two small boys, who is winging her way through motherhood, her forties and her eyeliner.
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