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AS SOON AS the word ‘incurable’ came out of the consultant’s mouth, everything went quiet. I could see their mouth moving, but there was no sound. All I could think was that they must be wrong. That was back in Spring 2015, the day I was diagnosed with psoriasis.
Prior to that appointment, I was a ‘normal’ teenager. I was in the middle of my Leaving Cert year, focussed on my upcoming exams, hopeful I’d get the points needed to do the course I wanted, and looking forward to heading off to college that September. I recall sitting in the dining hall at after-school study one day, feeling a ridge on the back of my head and picking at it. Within a short space of time, this scaly texture had spread across my entire scalp.
Sub-consciously, whenever my hands were idle, like when I was watching television or revising, I’d pick at it. In the corner of my eye, I’d see a pile of flakes on my shoulder, quickly check to see if anyone was looking, and choose my moment to brush them off. When I’d see blood under my fingernails, I knew I’d gone too far. Eventually, I told my parents and an appointment was made to see a specialist.
Zoe with a flare up of psoriasis in the form of a halo on her head.
Going into that clinic, I was expecting to be told that I had some sort of dry skin that could be easily rectified, not that something that seemed to have appeared overnight was here to stay.
At first, I didn’t want to admit to myself, and hid from others, how much it affected me. It was as if I was leading a double life.
During the week, I was a typical party-going college student and would do the bare minimum to keep the symptoms at bay, often roping my trusted roommate in to help me apply the treatments to the areas I couldn’t reach. At weekends, I would go home and, with the help of my parents, undergo the more intense, time-consuming treatments, which were often tougher to endure than living with the symptoms of the condition itself.
Home treatments
There were days when I was undergoing emollient therapy when I would look in the mirror and not recognise myself – my hair glued to my head with oils, clumps of dead skin clinging onto strands of my hair, and flakes sitting all over my clothes. Where was that girl gone that everyone considered to be so glamorous? Then, I’d head back up to Dublin, put it to the back of my mind and forget about it for another week. At least that’s what I thought I was doing, but it was always on my mind, influencing a lot of the decisions I made.
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Public transport used to be very challenging for me. I had this fear that I would be standing on a bus or a Luas and someone would see my scales, not know what they were and step away from me, concerned that whatever I had was contagious. To avoid that happening, I concealed the visual signs of my psoriasis through hairstyle and clothing choices, and clever placement of accessories and makeup products.
Zoe tried saltwater treament.
But a day came when I couldn’t do that any longer. The build-up of scale along my hairline was so thick that it looked like a white halo around my head. It started creeping down the back of my neck, onto my face, and patches appeared on parts of my body where they never had before.
I was so afraid of someone seeing it, and viewing and treating me differently, that I became obsessed with finding a cure.
Whilst completing my Master’s, I even decided to film a documentary in which I travelled around the country testing out alternative treatments. The hope I had going into a new treatment, and the despair I felt when I didn’t see the results I wanted, was crippling. At times, it took a lot to pull myself together and mentally prepare for, and commit to, the next treatment.
Acceptance and understanding
It was from speaking to treatment providers from different schools of thought, and fellow psoriasis warriors during that experience, that I developed a better understanding of the condition. They helped me to start accepting it, and to manage the symptoms of it more effectively, ultimately allowing me to live a better life with it. Up until then, I was convinced there was a cure out there, but I just hadn’t found it yet.
Watching back through the footage, I realised something that angered me. By going into those situations as a member of the press, I was treated with a level of respect and provided with information on a scale I had never previously been as a patient. That’s when I decided I wanted to share the knowledge I had acquired with others, to spare them from going through what I did. I started brainstorming ways I could do that and the idea for the platform Itching To Tell You was born.
Whilst researching, I discovered a number of pages, similar to the one I now have, which helped change the way I feel about my condition. Seeing how others proudly flaunted the markings on their skin, portraying them as art, helped change how I felt about my own. Equally, hearing how openly they talked about their condition inspired me to do the same.
I still remember the first time I stepped outside the house without concealing my psoriasis. I was so nervous about how people would react, but it was how little people noticed that gave me the strength and encouragement to keep doing it. My worst nightmare, people stepping back in fear, didn’t materialise.
I’m still self-conscious of the trail of flakes I inevitably leave behind me on office chairs, on people’s couches, and public transport.
At times, I wish I had a sign around my neck explaining “I have psoriasis”. That’s why, on the days when I don’t feel as confident, I like to carry tote bags with skin-positive slogans. For me, they act as that explanation and bring me a sense of comfort.
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In recent years, my fears have shifted, from people seeing the markings on my skin to what the condition is doing inside my body. I’ve finally managed to get the symptoms under control but often question am I doing enough? Enough to prevent me from developing other associated conditions, such as psoriatic arthritis.
Keeping healthy
In my darkest moments with psoriasis, I have found running. I used to love gym sessions but became too paranoid about the outline of flakes that accumulated around me during a workout. Focusing on my breathing, posture and footwork distracted me from picking, or thinking about my psoriasis, and actually made me appreciate what my body could do.
Zoe tried Chinese herbal medicine.
You see, I felt my body had betrayed me. So, the thought of anything hindering my ability to run freely was a massive concern. Frustratingly, whenever I’ve asked a medical professional if there’s anything that I can do to reduce my risk, the answer is always as vague as, “live a healthy, balanced lifestyle”. Personally, I’d like more specific guidance, which the findings of a new study investigating the connection between psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis will hopefully lead to.
I was at my nephew’s birthday party a few weeks ago and my sister turned around to me and asked, “Why do you still have a side fringe – no one’s had one since 2016?” I looked at her and said, “Because I don’t know who I am without it”. Now, I feel the same way about my psoriasis.
There was a time when the last thing I would have wanted was to be associated with my condition but, since starting my platform, it has become a massive part of my identity and who I am. Something I was once ashamed and embarrassed about has become a source of great pride for me. I feel a sense of duty to lend my voice to the cause and undertake the advocacy and awareness work I do for the psoriasis community.
Zoe Ryan is a journalist and campaigner. More at ItchingtoTellYou on Instagram. Researchers at UCD are currently undertaking a study of people with psoriasis to examine their risk of developing arthritis related to their psoriasis, called psoriatic arthritis. If you are over 18 years of age, and have psoriasis, but have not previously been diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, you can find out more about taking part at www.hpos.study.
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For me Summer is June, July and August because I have exams up until the end of May. I know when Summer ‘really’ is, but my Summer doesn’t start in May as far as I’m concerned.
Only half of Irish people know when Summer is, as normally they’re still waiting for it to start, and then all of a sudden the clocks are going back and it’s Winter. We actually had Summer this year in April, so Summer can realistically be anytime between April and October.
Spring,: Feb, Mar, & April, Summer: may, June, July. Autumn : August ,Sep, Oct, Winter: Nov, Dec & Jan. that’s what I was taught in school. I know lots of people consider June-Aug “the summer because that’s when school hols and the “good” weather is but August is Autumn.
Not in the school that i went to. Summer = hottest 3 months of the year (June July August), Winter = the coldest 3 (Dec, Jan , Feb). Spring and autumn being the ones in between on either side.
The Irish translation of the months of the year might be of help to solve this
Mean Fomhair – September (middle autumn)
Deireadh Fomhair – October (end Autumn)
Therefore the summer months would be May, June and July.
Lunasa in Irish is the pagan celebration of the harvest festival. Beginning of autumn. St.Brigid brings the spring (1st Feb). Although the weather does not reflect it, summer is May, June, July.
Anyone who knows their Irish knows that October is Deireadh Fómhair – the “End of Autumn” and September is Meán Fómhair – the “Middle of Autumn”. By extension August must be the “Start of Autumn” – or technically “The Harvest” – therefore summer must end on the last day of July – and to add to this MidSummer is around the summer Solstice – the longest day of the year.
There is loads of evidence that the Celtic Calendar has May, June and July as the Summer – and mid december as the shortest day and the middle of Winter….. but not in other customs or cultures, and some, like Canada, have summer starting on the longest day of the year.
Of course the “problem” is that the weather tends to lag about 6 weeks behind the Celtic seasons – and meteorologists tend to run with summer being June July and August… … so there is no real right or wrong – but being in a country of Celtic culture I voted for May, June and July as Summer.
Isn’t the 1st of May, the first day of summer? Three months per season so therefore May, June and July are the summer months… Although someone would want to tell the daft ould bint Mother Nature that. She appears to be stuck in November mode.
Ya May 1st is what I always learned in school as well.
Although interestingly, they have totally different dates for the start and end of summer in the US! They say summer begins with the summer solstice (around June 21) and ends with the autumn equinox (around September 23). Both dates seem a bit late to me for the start and end of summer!
Ireland (republic) is literally the only country in the world to teach in schools that summer is May June July. This bizarre fact even has a Wikipedia entry. I’m actually serious.
thady , don’t know where you got that from , my little one did the seasons before she finished up for the holidays and she was taught , may , June and July and its even in her school books !
I go home to Ireland a few times a year but usually go during months of November to April as that way I only need to bring clothes for one season so don’t have to pay for excess baggage. I was home this year at the end of last month as thought I would give summer in West coast of Ireland a try for once but nearly froze to death. Never travel to Ireland without your winter coat even in what is summer in the reast of Europe and make sure you always have wellies somewhere handy.
We have Gaelic seasons (google it) in ireland which is why some of us think Summer is May, June and July. That changed when the neighbours got confused as they couldn’t speak our language. At the end of the day it’s rain and colder rain…
A quick opinion from a person living in continental Europe. It may seem strange to you, but down here the norm is that summer is June, July and August, since they are definitely the hottest months of the year. This is a meteorological definition of seasons, and it is based on a typical continental climate, which means hot summers and cold winters. In contrast, Ireland has a temperate climate, which suggests warm to cool summers and mild winters. While in Ireland May may be already notably warmer than March and April, it is far from that on the continent.
The reason is not only the Gulfstream current, which grants Ireland the temperate climate it wouldn’t normally have, but also snow. Continental climates see a decent amount of snow during winters, and snow is a good insulator. As a result, it takes more time for the ground to warm after winter is over than in temperate climates. Thus, even though May is typically a warm month, it is certainly not hot enough to be summer, at least not until the end of the month. Compared even to June, average temperatures are much lower, though it is certainly a transitional month in inland Europe and North America.
In the end, even the four-season concept can be applied only to a part of our planet, so it is all relative. I’d say the best way to define seasons is according to local climate, as there cannot be a universal measure that applies to all parts of the world.
May, June and July are the summer in The Vatican with the longest days. August is very dry and plants begin to wither, so it’s their autumn. That’s why Catholic schools teach that May, June and July are the summer months.
There is no way February is spring in Ireland, there’s ice and frosts and there are bare trees. May is still cool in Ireland with not all the leaves on the trees so I think it’s still spring.
It’s Feb, Mar, April is Spring. May June July is Summer. August September October is Autumn and November December January is winter. You learn this in first class. Are people idiots that they don’t know the seasons.
Or more accurately: February as Wing, March, April as Spring, May as Summspring, June, July as Summer, August as Summerfall, September, October as Autumn, November as Winterfall and December, January as Winter.
I only realised this in the past few years, that the seasons have more to do with sunrise/sunset hours than anything to do with the weather.
Winter-Nov,Dec,Jan- short days, long nights
Spring-Feb,Mar,Apr- days get longer, nights get shorter
Summer-May,June,July-long days, short nights
Autumn-Aug,Sep,Oct-days get shorter, nights get longer
And so on.
If you start with the solstices & equinoxes, and count either side about a month and a half, then you roughly get to where the seasons are now.
Ireland seems to observe the celestial seasons, which results in the ludicrous scenario where the coldest month of the year is often not in “winter”.
Other countries ignore the celestial calendar and just take the coldest months of the year to be winter and the hottest months of the year to be summer. If you think that way Summer here is June, July, August. Winter is December, January, February.
I’ve always thought of Spring as being March and April. Summer as being May, June, July and August. Autumn as September and October and Winter as November, December, January and February.
I use this to measure seasons, the times the ice grows and melts at the North pole is gives a clue I think. As the warmest time of year is suppose to be August and the coldest is February, so there is a two month delay after the longest and shortest day. So would that not make them then the middle of the season then for here?
It has been said that the gulf stream is colder this year, that will cause problems for us but there is a warm stream that enters it from the Mediterranean but if that gets colder so will our Summers?
We are in line with Canada and Siberia, so if the gulf stream gets colder, so will our summers and especially our winters? The more the ice melts at the poles the more diluted and weaker the gulf stream gets due to the stream being created as ice forms out of sea water that pushes salt out of the water which sinks due to salt concentration and into the global conveyor belt that creates and drives the gulf stream. Which in turn feeds all the plankton that produces the vast majority of the Earths oxygen… In summary…
Anyone who works around plants and outdoors will tell you that summer here ends after mid September. It is also based around the cycle around the sun. January is midwinter hence towards February is the coldest time of year.
As in the whole northern hemisphere, summer start on the summer solstice June 21th.
Don’t mistake climate and season.
And no , spring don’t start when the sheep are born (January) ;)
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