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Opinion SALE! Why does this one word cause all logic to go out the window?

I can’t go into town at the moment. Don’t trust myself. It’s too dangerous.

‘SALE!’ –What is it about that word that causes all logic to go out the window?

I can’t go into town at the moment. Don’t trust myself. It’s too dangerous. I’m likely to go in to pick up my contact lenses and come back three high street bags heavier. Because there is something unmistakable about those big red signs that lure me in and cause some chemical reaction in my brain. One that says ‘Thou shallst buy’. Along with the lethal accompanying mantra of ‘If you don’t, somebody else will’.

Clearly I am the quintessential, lowest common denominator of consumer. I am the kind of punter that single-handedly keeps retailers afloat. The troika must love me. Because, recession and all, I will buy virtually anything if it’s greater than 50% off.

Skewed logic

Slightly imperfect? Size 8 but liable to stretch? Floral pattern worthy of Hyacinth Bouquet? Bring it on… sartorial duds welcome here.

For a relatively balanced individual, I find myself using all kinds of skewed logic to justify my purchases.

For example; ‘Well, I’m not really spending €80 by purchasing those LKBennett shoes. I’m actually saving €115. Even if they are bright purple and half a size too big.’

Or ,‘No, I don’t have a stitch that matches lime green. And in ways it’s pretty hideous, really. But didn’t I read in the hairdressers that it’s all the rage? And a girl has to start somewhere. And sure wouldn’t it make a nice change to black…’ Blah. Blah. Blah.

Blinded by sales 

My husband left me alone for all of seven minutes last Saturday while he went to park the car. And in that space of time I managed to spend 60 quid. When he returned he looked aghast. How did my buying a Capri Sun for our three year old, morph into a pair of capri pants?

It went something like this…

Head for Spar shop on Nassau Street. Pass High Street shop en route. Become blinded by SALE sign. Notice ‘75% off’ statistic. Choose to ignore the ‘up to’ small print. Brain enters parallel retail universe. Legs move myself and buggy into shop premises. Eyes drawn to sale rail. Rifle through reduced clothes. Remove any vaguely plausible garments. Enter changing rooms;

Too small. Too tight. Too short. Too tarty. Too garish. Just plain hideous.

Aha… bingo! Plausible item.

Check tag. 50% off!

Become giddy with excitement. Oh, the unmistakable thrilllll of the bargain…

Bit small maybe? Bit tight around the backside?

But, Claire, they’re 50% off. A positive steal. Yes, you may not have been a size 10 since 2005, but you never know. You might be again at some stage in the future. And then where will you be? Some other lucky punter will be out swanning around in your half price capris! Well we can’t be having that…

Trot over to checkout before logic quadrant of brain has a chance to kick in. Saunter out of shop with ‘sale’ itch successfully scratched. ‘Sold!’ to the window shopper with the over-extended credit card…

Meet husband. Hide bag. Curse toddler for asking where her drink is.

Leisurely try on capris three hours later at home without sale adrenalin pumping and potential competition in adjoining changing rooms. Realise they are actually pretty hideous. And bet onto you. From every angle. With pockets that refuse to sit delicately, but instead stick out either side of your hips, proudly announcing to the world at large that they’re at least one size too small.

Prized ponies 

Capris join other casualties from earlier seasons at the back of the wardrobe. Because you never get back in in time to return them. Or by the time you do, your ‘prized ponies’ have been reduced to under a tenner…

Oh well. Another Sale Rail Fail… probably should have just gone for broke and ventured into the ‘New Season Stock’. At least then I might have bought something I might actually wear.

Resolve to not go into town again until at least August for fear of recurrence and potential divorce. And to shop in Lidl only for the next month. Where even if I do lose the run of myself on the savings I’ve made on fish fingers, it will only be on a paddling pool for the back garden or a high pressure cleaner with 17 different settings and five adjustable nozzles.

Is it a uniquely Irish trait this love of the bargain? The ‘cute-hoor-ism’ where we all love to point out how little we paid for something? And how we definitely paid less than Mick down the road. Who’s an awful eijit really. Wasn’t in ‘The Know’. Didn’t shop around and do his homework. Doesn ‘t matter that we’ve not got exactly what we wanted. Doesn’t matter that it’s a complete false economy. So long as we feel like we’ve saved a few quid.

Yes, when it comes to the sales, if the price is right, then it matters little if the purchase is entirely wrong. ‘Further reduction time’ anyone?

Claire Micks is the mother of a (reasonably behaved) three-year-old girl and an (entirely spoiled) 15-month-old boy. She survives by day and writes by night. Croaks rather than tweets, but despite that somehow manages to get her ramblings published on occasion.

Read: Pre-recession habits are starting to creep back into our shopping routines

Read: 6 different types of pain you’ll feel while sales shopping

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    Mute Stephen
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:25 PM

    I saw this advert in donedeal that said: “Television for sale, €20 volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

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    Mute Alan Whitney
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:31 PM

    First laugh today. Thanks.

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    Mute Stuart O' Hare
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:58 PM

    I seen Pat Rabbitte at an Ikea sale this morning, I asked him what a wealthy man like himself was doing shopping in Ikea. He said that he was replacing the seat he lost yesterday.

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    Mute Patrick Bateman
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:48 PM

    Went hungover shopping for a jacket in New York at Christmas 2 and a half years ago, I saw this extremely camp jacket that was on sale for 200, down from 400 dolla in Macy’s. I bought it thinking, “I’m gona be a bit more stylish now and make sure I wear this”.. Once I sobered up I had realised that I will prob never wear this at home but there MIGHT be some occasion for it. Since then I have returned to Uni as a mature student and I am broke as fûçk, so that jacket stays on the rack at home (never worn) with its feathers popping out if it and reminds me of the dope I once was. Lesson learned.

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    Mute J
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    Jul 12th 2014, 1:59 PM

    Did you get a reservation at Dorsia?

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    Mute Paul Allen
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    Jul 13th 2014, 2:59 AM

    I once spent $5000 on new business cards that I didnt need….yolo.

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    Mute Tony
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:04 PM

    Very true, how many unused sale items in the wardrobe with the tags still on?

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    Mute N O'C
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    Jul 12th 2014, 6:17 PM

    After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I still hold hands when we go out. If I let go, she shops…

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    Mute Mickey finn
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:22 PM

    Men think bills, women think bags

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    Mute Joe_King
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:41 PM

    If you can’t go into town because you can’t control your shopping urges, you have a serious problem akin to gambling addiction,, alcoholism. Seek professional help immediately

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    Mute Arthur Pewty
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    Jul 12th 2014, 1:34 PM

    “My husband left me alone for all of seven minutes last Saturday while he went to park the car. And in that space of time I managed to spend 60 quid.” haha, oh for the love of god…..

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    Mute Joanna
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    Jul 12th 2014, 1:58 PM

    Sales and cheap prices help people justify buying stuff they don’t need.
    “If I never use it sure at least it was cheap.” – everybody.

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    Mute The Hound
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    Jul 12th 2014, 3:24 PM

    If I left the missus unattended for six minutes and she managed to spend sixty euros…….. I’m sorry but that’s a real problem that needs to be sorted out. How could you save a penny with spending like that. I have a guilty conscience if I’m saving and I nip out for two or three pints when one of the games is on, and even at that I only do that once every month or so. Everyone loves spending but not being able to go into town and keep your money in your pocket is akin to an alcoholic not being able to do the same thing without nipping into the pub. Madness

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    Mute Ian Mac Eochagáin
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    Jul 12th 2014, 12:39 PM

    Interesting phrase, “bet onto you”. Does it mean the trousers are too tight, as if they’d been beaten on to you? Never heard this.

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    Mute tanya lawless
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    Jul 12th 2014, 3:24 PM

    It means youll try walk around in them all day and need help getting them off, while the button and seam marks are still on your skin the next day , into the wardrobe and tried on every 6 months for the next 5 years…

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    Mute James Mc Carron
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    Jul 12th 2014, 3:14 PM

    I work in a clothes shop and it is mental on sale day customers have no manners they fire clothes around them barge through you when you try to put clothes bk on hangers. When you see a women with three kids at queing at five on boxing morning prob been there from 2am kids absolutely wrecked from Christmas day and they give put to them for being cranky can’t help bit feel sorry for them. Another thing is when u see old biddys stopped off in the lift you know the world is messed up and we have one this Saturday god help is ha

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    Mute Alan Lars
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    Jul 12th 2014, 5:13 PM

    lots of women are materialistic…. that is why

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