EACH WEEK IN our series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out what to do about a tricky parenting situation.
To get a balanced view, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.
Helping a child with their homework is something that many parents do – but where does the line stand between assisting your child and doing the work for them?
This week, one reader is wondering if he’s teaching his son bad habits around work and reward, by being too hands-on at homework time.
Have a parenting question you’d like some other mums and dads to weigh in on? Let us know anonymously here!
My son is nine years old and regularly refuses to do his homework. We’ve developed a routine where I sit down with him after school and work through each subject with him, but he quickly gets bored and frustrated. As a result, I think I have begun to help him too much by feeding him the answers, just in order to get it done. He has now learned that if he kicks up a fuss, I’ll usually give him more help. He’s good in school and I want him to learn himself, but I’m worried we won’t be able to get out of this routine now. Am I being unreasonable by helping my child too much with his homework?
Yes, you’re being unreasonable – but you can change: If your child is doing well in school generally, then it seems like the homework thing is just him testing his limits with you. Would a new routine help? Perhaps give him some element of autonomy with this new routine, eg. he can start his homework any time between 3pm and 5pm, but it’s up to him when he starts and finishes within that. Set him up with his books somewhere quiet and screen-free, don’t hover too much – and stop the answer-feeding as soon as possible.
I think you’re being unreasonable. You are not really “helping” your son with his homework, you are doing whatever it takes to “just to get it done”. In the long term, doing this isn’t good for your son. How can his teacher know if he’s falling behind if you are doing all the work and he’s not engaging in homework at all? Ultimately, you are doing him a disservice by teaching him that moaning about something you don’t like will get you out of having to do it. I’d suggest having a word with his teacher for some advice.
You’re definitely being unreasonable. I would let your son do his homework and then check that it is done against his homework journal. If you feel that it is not done properly, ask the child if that is his best effort. Otherwise let the teacher deal with it.
You are probably being unreasonable here. Saying that, I feel for you on this question. I think that the demands of parenting can often lead to sacrificing principles on the altar of getting through the day with sanity intact. Ultimately you may need to allow him to fail a bit on his own terms. There is no avenue for progress if you are doing everything for him, especially if he is already good in school as you suggest. It sounds like this is unlikely to be a crash and burn situation, so all the more reason to let him find his own way.
So what’s the final tally? Is this reader being unreasonable?
Yes – 3
Maybe – 1
Tell us your thoughts in the comments! Have a parenting question you want answered? Let us know anonymously in our survey here and we’ll put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads.
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