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AN ITALIAN NOVELIST, poet and translator has been given the dubious award of the Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Prize for 2016.
Erri De Luca, a man once described by a critic in his native Italy as ”the writer of the decade”, was not at tonight’s ceremony to pick up the award.
Last year the award was won by former Smiths frontman Morrissey.
De Luca beat off competition from five other writers to win the 2016 award, former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis among them.
The ‘winning’ passage from De Luca’s book The Day Before Happiness was read out at the awards ceremony this evening. Read it at your own risk:
My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach. With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her. She opened her legs, pulled up her dress and, holding my hips over her, pushed my prick against her opening. I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe.She pushed on my hips, an order that thrust me in. I entered her. Not only my prick, but the whole of me entered her, into her guts, into her darkness, eyes wide open, seeing nothing. My whole body had gone inside her. I went in with her thrusts and stayed still. While I got used to the quiet and the pulsing of my blood in my ears and nose, she pushed me out a little, then in again. She did it again and again, holding me with force and moving me to the rhythm of the surf. She wiggled her breasts beneath my hands and intensified the pushing. I went in up to my groin and came out almost entirely. My body was her gearstick.
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The only time my girlfriend didn’t moan was in bed….
“DeLuca beat off competition”?! Some people will do anything to get ahead
To get head?
Beat.
Wouldn’t ya think she’d pull the aul dress up before she opened her legs.
@Kieran C: I don’t think the Queen does that?
I thought that was a lovely passage
So did he
@I invented the @: And it wasn’t to India this time, yikes ;)
Don’t mind the gear stick…..did she blow the horn?!
Still a better love story than Twilight
My missus always closed her eyes during sex. She couldn’t stand to see me enjoying myself.
@John O’Sullivan:
Woman.-who are you going to please with that little thing
Man-
….me
Gearsticks have certainly been involved in a few bad sex scenes alright…..
I think google translate should share in his award.
Similar to a story I once wrote in English class……….
@Sean Higgins: What did the teacher give you for it, Herpes lol. Just joking…
I’m sure I was with her once.
It’s better than the Irish form of foreplay.. ” Brace yourself Julia..Start saying the rosary !! “
Couldn’t be any worse than alan shatters “steamy” novel could it.
@Anthony McGovern: Laura?
He whisked off her shoes and panties in one movement, wild like an enraged shark. His bulky totem beating a seductive rhythm. Mary’s body felt like it was burning, even though the room was properly air-conditioned. They tried all the positions – on top, doggy, and normal.
Exhausted, they collapsed onto the recently extended sofa-bed. Then a hell beast ate them.
My body was her gearstick, I couldn’t get out of her clutches
Second quoted paragraph shows research from Yahoo answers:
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090813045333AAckhNd
Reminiscent of Joyce at his peak.
Joyce was a scatman – a wonderful scatman
@Frederick Burden: With Monkey glans?
@Alois Irlmaier: That was Yeats with monkey glands. But do look up what a glan is.
@Henry Barth: I thought Joyce had them as well as it was a fad for a while? He just was a sex machine instead…
http://mentalfloss.com/article/20518/bedroom-quirks-10-great-authors
Yeah, but was it an Edsel or Rolls Royce gear stick.
Having sex with her was like having sex with a Hillary Clinton attack, but dressed up as a clown?
Glenroe sex scenes and cow sh..te everywhere?
have your say