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THERE’S NOTHING LIKE a well-timed, well-phrased insult to get the blood going – and we had plenty of them in 2014.
Some of them are harsh putdowns, some are righteous comebacks.
They range from faded romance to international relations at a time of war, but they all have one thing in common: they burn.
7 January:
Ralph Lauren’s niece Jennifer was arrested in Shannon amid allegations she was drunk and abusive on a New York-bound flight.
When the charges were read to her (in the accent of an Irish person), she instantly became a bit of a national hate figure with this deliciously villainous insult:
Can you say that in English please?
26 February:
We’re used to hyperbole spilling from the lips of Eamon Dunphy, but when John Giles – the voice of reason, the nation’s wise and kindly uncle – calls someone a “prat”, you pay attention.
Here’s the moment the great man gave the underperforming and over-verbalising Robin van Persie his comeuppance.
23 May:
It’s been two weeks since Alan Shatter retired as Justice Minister, in a storm of controversy, and he hasn’t said a word publicly.
He holds court at a press conference, announces he’ll be taking his severance package and graciously donating it to charity.
In response, one of his constituency colleagues tells TheJournal.ie:
If Alan Shatter was an ice-cream, he’d lick himself.
28 May:
Sinn Féin have just had their strongest ever showing in local and European elections, leaving the other parties trailing badly, and Mary Lou McDonald wants to rub it in Enda Kenny’s face.
During Leaders’ Questions, she takes to her feet and shows that sometimes understatement is the most devastating oratorical technique of all:
Did you not follow the election results?I don’t know how to break this to you. You are not regarded as competent. Have you got that message Taoiseach?
6 June:
The CIA joined Twitter this year. They charmed plenty of us with their friendly banter, but got royally excoriated by Wikileaks in this searing little exchange:
18 July:
Rory McIlroy famously broke up with Caroline Wozniacki in May, allegedly by phone, and after they’d already sent out invitations to their wedding.
Anyone who felt a bit of revenge was in order, got their wish during the summer when Wozniacki made a subtle but awfully burn-y reference to the fact that Rory is an inch shorter than her.
It’s been three years since I have worn heels on a normal day out.
29 August:
One of the biggest geopolitical issues of this year was the conflict in Crimea and eastern Ukraine.
By August, the Canadian delegation at NATO had clearly had enough of alleged Russian incursions into Ukrainian territory, and issued this highly undiplomatic but brutal burn:
The Russians responded the next day, cheekily including the Crimean peninsula as theirs, but it didn’t quite have the same singeing effect.
17 September:
Not necessarily a mic-dropping, triumphant burn, but Kay Burley’s on-air/off-air comment to a Scottish referendum campaigner was certainly one of the most famous insults of 2014.
23 September:
Whatever your views on the political events of the last 12 months, Finance Minister Michael Noonan almost set Leinster House on fire with this burn against Sinn Féin, the closest we got to stand-up comedy in the Dáil this year.
A crate of Savlon to Sinn Féin HQ, please.
7 October:
When Roy Keane’s second autobiography came out in October, we knew it would be a treasure trove of insults, score-settling and brilliant anecdotes.
It also contained one of the harshest, most excruciating burns of this or any sporting year, when explaining why he decided not to sign Robbie Savage at Sunderland:
21 October
We can expect Dublin UFC star Conor McGregor to be a fixture on this list in years to come, and he makes the cut in 2014 for this simple, infantile, but humiliating takedown of rival Chad Mendes:
23 October:
Clearly, the biggest, most important political issue of the year was whether or not the Mexican ambassador would be able to save the Garth Brooks concerts.
After that, though, it was probably water charges, to be fair.
Enter these six Irish lads on a holiday in New York, who sent our Taoiseach a very special message all the way from the other side of the Atlantic:
16 November:
When the government released a 1916 Rising commemoration video that didn’t mention the 1916 Rising, the flood of criticism that followed was predictable.
What nobody saw coming was UCD historian and government advisor Diarmuid Ferriter, whose verdict on the since-deleted video should really enter the Irish political lexicon, along with “GUBU” and “mature reflection.”
Embarrassing, unhistorical shit.
17 November:
Three decades after the first outing, Bob Geldof got together a load of megastars for Band Aid 30 this year.
Sales “went bonkers,” but the tone and content of the song and project faced criticism from a number of quarters.
Jayne Secker of Sky News dared to confront Geldof with his detractors in a live interview, and he served up a gleeful double-whammy of sweary contempt.
27 November:
Bono’s had a funny old year. U2 gave away their new album as part of a major marketing ploy with Apple, and Rolling Stone called it the best of the year.
But the door fell off Bono’s private plane, and then he suffered a load of injuries when he crashed his bike in New York.
To make things worse, GQ magazine unleashed an absolute flame-thrower by naming him and the band the No. 1 Least Influential People of 2014 – a distinction reserved for
people who took up vast clouds of oxygen, gave us back nothing of use, and probably helped accelerate the death of our planet.
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This is the same OECD that 2 years ago told Europe we had to get used to ” a permanently lower standard of living” now suddenly it’s all roses? They are all over the place
Don’t be confused lads this is what they call a ”jobless recovery”, the ‘recovery’ is in the stock market and share prices, not your wallet.
Don’t be confused lads this is what they call a ”jobless recovery”, the ‘recovery’ is in the stock market and share prices, not your wallet.”
Well said – all they are interested in is what they call the ” Economy ” – which will have little impact on the people – and the ever growing Rich / Poor divide .
they are claiming a recovery and growth in UK – and in US to some extent – but they do not care about unemployed people – or wages etc . I n fact mist governments now are trying to please the people who really rule us – and provide them with low wages – and no trade Unions .
Well with a month left to budget 2013, 3.5million will be took from taxes and cuts, and not forgetting price hikes in fuel etc coupled with stealth taxes will dry up the last bit of household and consumer spending which will stop that growth.
3.5 million? I wish pal lol
Be between 2-3 billion, I doubt very much it will be at 3 – 3.5 billion though. Maybe €2.5 billion.
What growth??? Are the OECD deluded as well? We are STILL in recession. There needs to be a serious relaxation on the aul austerity if any sort of meaningful growth is to be established otherwise we are in for 10 years of stagnation and high unemployment.
Five years down already so half way there… Keep the faith lad, keep the faith hahaha
Ian they people that run our society and i mean the real rulers the financial houses do not care about you or me only they want it all.
It’s not clear whether we’re still in recession or not. Data for the second quarter of 2013 (April-June) won’t be available until next week.
One area we can make a big saving – unemployment benefit for non-EU nationals.
Scrap all of them and replace with something called ‘Start-up Aid’.
It gives 500 euros a month for 12 months to people as a leg-up. After a year, no more money.
If you’re in work, then no bother. If not, sorry we cannot afford it.
In Galway City and County a staggering 67% (two out of three) non-EU nationals are on the dole and have been for more than two years. They are unlikely to find work soon, if ever.
It will save the State about 1.4 billion euros a year.
There’s your water rates, there’s your property tax.
Plus a lot left over to start jobs creation.
Denmark did it in 2009 to slow down the rate of economic migration.
It did – by 85%. Only the highly skilled and educated migrate there now. A lesson for us.
I did propose this to Joan Burton several months ago and got this reply.
“Dear Mr. Conway
Minister Joan Burton T.D., has asked me to acknowledge your recent e-mail. The contents of which have been noted.
Yours sincerely
Jacinta Crawford
Private Secretary”
In other words, the ‘claimants party’ didn’t want to know.
However, can can still make the Dail listen. Let your TD know.
So what if the non-eu national has been living here for years and paying their PAYE and PRSI like everybody else? It wasn’t immigration that screwed this country up. Also, trying to stop immigration into Ireland stinks of hypocrisy when one of the main controlling factors that’s stopping our unemployment rising above 14% is emigration.
@ Declan: Do you have a source for those stats for Galway Live Register?
Not really. Ireland doesn’t have a functional immigration policy (unlike all those other countries to which Irish people are emigrating). There is no shame in creating one and enforcing it. Nor is it racist, as some seem to believe. In fact, the current polcy IS pretty shameful as it can leave people in limbo for years not knowing what their future is.
AFAIK you can only get social insurance if you’ve been working here for 6 months as an EU and 2 years as a non EU national and in that case they paid into the system like everyone else so they should be allowed acess it.
Don’t delude yourself into thinking we have esp lavish social services we really don’t, compared to the rest of Europe ours are where most EU states were in the early 20th century.
Censored, what exactly is ‘dysfunctional’ about our immigration policy? Please elaborate because if you’re going to make a claim like that you have to back it up.
No I don’t, you are not that stupid.
..if Government can reduce the debt to 60% of GDP by 2030?….I think we need a bigger boat
things are getting better – but even the report admits
” the report noted that “unemployment remains high, emigration has resumed, and poverty has increased, adding to heavy debts and financial distress”.
– how is this recovery ??
But things will be better in 2030 – presumably – that date is a moveable feast.
This is just PR BS – to try to get us to accept more and more cuts . the people who made the biggest errors – the casino bankers have literally gotten away with robbery .
also some wont be around in 2030 – who knows who will be – so what are they paying for .
FOr the usual lucky and connected things are only great , for those propping them up things are not like that at all.
Basically, the speculators and bullshit artists are back on form. Recovery? Don’t make me laugh.
The picture for this article is great, like getting on a plane…..the super wealthy will turn left and the rest of us to the right……
There saying it’s working so we will keep paying up.
Sure when did an Irish government ever listen to the OECD?
Can we be sure that the OECD did their sums right this time? Did they check them twice?
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