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THE FIRST CATHOLIC bishop to be ordained in China for more than three years was consecrated this week amid a heavy police presence, worshippers said.
Joseph Zhang Yilin was installed as the official bishop of Anyang in the central province of Henan, as hundreds of police blocked access to the Sacred Heart of Jesus church.
AFP was denied entry to the ceremony.
The Chinese state does not recognise the Vatican’s authority over Catholics in the country – estimates range from nine to 12 million people. It oversees them with its own Chinese Patriotic Catholic Association (CPCA).
Even so, many believers pray at “underground” or “house” churches which seek to exist outside of government control.
Beijing and the Holy See do not maintain formal diplomatic relations, and the right to select bishops is a key sticking point between them, but some priests are supported by both.
According to the Catholic press agency UCA News, Joseph Zhang Yilin had been approved by the Vatican long before the CPCA chose him for the post in April.
During rehearsals on Monday the 44-year-old, a short man with a lively demeanour, stood in the chancel flanked by parish priests and altar boys as the choir sang.
The last ordination of a bishop in China ended in turmoil, when Shanghai’s newly installed Thaddeus Ma Daqin denounced the CPCA and was taken away. He has been under house arrest ever since the ceremony in 2012.
Three Chinese bishops were present at Anyang on Tuesday to ordain Joseph Zhang Yilin, all of them Vatican-approved according to UCA News. Had a non-Vatican-approved bishop been among them, it would have been seen as a provocation by Beijing.
Since taking office, Pope Francis has given new impetus to discussions that have been ongoing between Rome and Beijing since the 1980s. In December he ducked out of a meeting with the Dalai Lama, whom China reviles as a “splittist” seeking Tibet’s independence.
Around 100 priests attended Tuesday’s ceremony, worshippers said, including some Chinese who travelled from the US, Italy or France for the event.
“He comes from a very traditional Catholic family,” one said of the new bishop, asking not to be named as the priests had been told not to speak to the media.
I’m glad he is becoming our bishop. He has a very deep faith and I know he will be able to accomplish his ministry well.
Restrictions on civil and religious society have been stepped up in China since President Xi Jinping came to power two years ago.
In Zhejiang province a campaign to remove crosses from both Protestant and Catholic churches has been running for more than a year, with some houses of worship demolished on the grounds that they violated building codes.
Once again, this Govt is tackling a social issue (separating couples) with an economic solution (cut their tax entitlements so it is more financially beneficial for couples to stay together).
Well Mr. Kenny, I am a separated father, who loves his kids, does right by them, pays a third of my salary in maintenance, have been vilified in the courts, have had disgracefully poor representation – but been told ‘that’s how it is for fathers, I’m afraid’, and now you are making it even harder for me to spend quality time with my kids!!
And this from a party who promotes family values!! When my kids are with me we STILL ARE a family!
This is discrimination pure & simple. It’s disgusting.
Michael you are in the minority of ‘good dads’ who are separated. The extra money (supposedly for the kids) should be with the person who minds the children most of the time.
It’s about fairness & transparency RollyDodger.
My Ex earns more than I do, yet I am ordered to pay €900 a month, to include a contribution towards the mortgage, and then I have to try to provide suitable accommodation when they are with me.
I still have to pay maintenance when they are with me for two weeks during the summer…
It’s not about being in the minority of ‘good Dads’ or not – if the system was fairer more Fathers might engage with it. As it is, I have no right to appeal the judgement & am labelled a bad person for attempting to stand up for myself…
I agree i live with my parents pay maintenance have been told i have to pay more towards my child welfare then cuts his mothers payments excataly wat i have increased so she has a house with her and my son which i have no problem with i have been told all i need is 207 euro a week to live off for car and food and clothes so having worked 40 hours a week i have no chance of doing any thing with my child when i have him as i am broke and pretty much will never afford to move from my family home some times i really wonder why i work at all my child is no better off with maintenance because what i give into one hand they take from her from the other
The main point here is that in general the man earns the money, it is paid out to the woman who usually doesn’t have the taxable income to use the full credit; women do get these credits, but they can’t use them. So by limiting the credit to the primary carer, Noonan has effectively abolished the credit, increasing the tax on the family as a whole. This is unfair because couples living together get credits and tax reductions that separated families don’t get. It is worse because separated families are generally poorer than the ones who stick together, and have higher bills and accommodation expenses. A nasty, badly thought out measure.
Come join our action on facebook irishfatherforequality, for our childrens sake we need to force change
From the concluding paragraph of the report “Families and Single Fathers in Ireland” by Kieran McKeown, a Social and Economic Research Consultant from Dublin:
The picture which emerges is that most single fathers, like most single mothers, are a highly disadvantaged group in Irish society
and live close to or below the poverty line.
My core argument is that the intervention of the state in the lives of these disadvantaged families is such as to weaken the fabric of family life in those communities through its overall ideology of treating parenting as synonymous with mothering, through its laws which seriously discriminate against single fathers, and through its income and family support measures which supplant rather than support the position of single fathers.
This and other research and publications here:
http://kieranmckeown.ie/
from his introduction to the paper:
” Strictly speaking, it i a misnomer to speak of one- and two-parent families. since every child has two parents, irrespective of thether they are married, separated, single. cohabiting or living apart; in this sense there are no one-parent families – only one- and two-parent households.
Arguably, the confusion between families and households – in public policy as much as in popular culture – has been damaging to our understanding of families and how to support them and is reflective of a lag in the development of language to accurately describe the newly emerging configurations in which families present themselves
Rolly Dodger – THERE IS NO EXTRA MONEY. They are taking away from one parent and leaving the other as they are. Unfortunately the One they are taking away from is the one paying the maintenance. At least read up on the issue. Thanks.
Yes!
Im a single dad who pays maintanence every week plus when his mother goes away or i have him 3 times a week i look after him as a father should. So even as she was away last week i still give her the money even though im providing everything for him . Where s the equality in the law as a responsible parent ?
Very true Kreg!
Nice one Kreg.
I think you should have sorted that out with your ex straight away. Nothing was keeping her from returning you the money for the week. The problem is dads r too often afraid of what “mummy” might say about them to their children. After all, fair is fair
Come join us on facebook irishfathersforequality, hoping to have representitives on rte 6 oclock news, we cant suffer in silence any more
I know everyone is different and there are some fantastic dad’s out there but in my case he does not pay maintenance yet still claimed the tax credit so how fair was that?!!
That’s wrong, Sharon – it’s guys like him that need to be targeted!
invite him to the family court, get a maintenance order put in place. It is a criminal offence to break a maintenance order. irishfathersforequality
we are seeking for the credit to be paid to primary carers and non primary carers who have a maintenance order in place. Come join our action. irishfathersforequality on facebook, tune into 6 news on rte.
The Minister comes from that generation who have no idea at all how difficult it is to manage a separated family. He has not considered that he is putting the Revenue Commissioners into the mix of State agencies that have to deal with and arbitrate between separated couples; I doubt they will thank him for that. This change is based on a society that ceased to exist in the eighties; a society where women worked in the home and men drank in the pub. Possibly he still lives there. We don’t.
yes johnathon they are dinasours
I must have missed the two parent tax credit.
I’m sure with such a closed mind, as incapable as you seem to be of sympathy for others, you miss a lot of things Right Wing Steve?
I am pretty open minded, just want a fair go for everybody
Try paying a third of your salary in maintenance while you have the kids for a weeks holiday & then talk to me about fairness & transparency.
Apologies for the closed mind comment – just a bit riled up!!
Hey no bother, stay strong, I think every parent should receive a tax credit for every child they have, that was my badly worded point, my kids are in their 20′s now but I think we use to get something.
Its called a married couples tax credit or a civil partnership tax credit – you should check it out
I pay Maintenance every week and have my daughter 3 days of the week. She stays in her grandmother’s once a week leaving her with her “primary career” for 3 days. So why should the mother get children’s allowance, maintenance & all the tax credits for 3 days a week?
I will help to vote the parasites out of power and be first in the protest line.
I would love to have my daughter with me 24/7 & let her mother keep her payments…
Join our campaign infomation at irishfathersforequality on facebook
Join our campaign information at irishfathersforequality on facebook
Kenny kenny kenny
OUT OUT OUT
Fu@k you Kenny you big warrior, I hope you get nob rot!
No danger if Kenny getting knob rot……
No balls and no knob.
Maybe neck rot…
The tax credit is no good to the primary carer unless they are working enough hours outside of the home to make it useful. So really it is another move to force lone parents who are the primary carer out into the workforce.
It limits the choices families were the parents are not living together from having the primary carer stay at home.
It’s unworkable and children will suffer.
no such thing as a lone parents only lone parent house holds.
I beg to differ. My daughter’s ‘father’ had no interest in her from the time I told him I was pregnant. I had to go to court for a paltry child maintenance contribution of €15 a week…because he’s not in the paye system the courts can’t (or couldn’t be bothered trying to) deduct maintenance from earnings & outside the paye system, very easy to hide true earning capacity. Nearly 17yrs later & with at least 5 other kids by 4 other women, he now swaggers into my daughter’s life as though he’s been the best ‘Dad’ ever, manipulating an understandably curious teenage girl’s emotions, for her to be let down again when he gets bored of the novelty of meeting her a few times. Pathetic! It’s ‘men’ like him that give the decent dads a bad reputation & will continue to do so as long a there’s no transparency and fairness administered in the family court system. I have raised my daughter on my own for nearly 17yrs without resorting to the social welfare system…a route I could’ve taken quite easily, but chose to make as decent a life possible for us by working. I did it on my own. There’s so much more to being a dad other than being a financial contributor, but quite frankly, €15 a week from someone who clearly has means but works the system, is quite frankly nothing more than an insult to my beautiful daughter.
Well said Tammy! It IS guys like that the Govt should be targeting – as a teacher I cannot give a blanket punishment to the whole class if one kid is talking & refuses to own up …
Most of our Govt are failed teachers, in conservative marriages with steady incomes & a stable environment (largely protected from their own austerity measures) within which to raise their children – not knocking them!
This is about equality – just like Tammy’s child’s father should not be allowed to exploit the system, I should not be punished to pay for his mistake!
Good parents, like Tammy & me, should be supported and encouraged to continue what we are doing – not hindered & penalised by this spineless, largely ignorant of the real issues, Govt!
Quite true Tammy and sad that the dad of your daughter is like that. However, the actions of some bad father is not justification for the govt to target all fathers no more than the actions of a bad mother should allow the govt justification to target all mothers.
Actually on another point Tammy you are 100% spot on when you say theres more to being a dad than being a financial contributor. Absolutely and totally true. However in the absence of agreement between parents over shared custody the state is only interested in making a dad a financial contributor and has no interest in ensuring that dads plays a full part in their childrens lives
Give the tax credit to the primary care giver – end of story. They are the ones with the day to day expenses.
I think you will find that those are paid from the maintenance that we pay. Separated fathers are probably under the most pressure of any group in the State. As people’s savings run out, while the crisis continues, this measure is not only unfair and gender biased, but will also push a significant group of productive men over the limit. There is another angle here; there are many ex-single parents in their eighties, children long gone to Australia, who are claiming this credit. A bit of work on that problem would reduce the bill far more than this.
Rolly what happens when the kids are with parents 50/50 ?? What happens then ..
@Aisling – well then the parents should be responsible enough to come to an arrangement for the extra monies between them – why should the state be involved? – the extra money is for the care of the children not the parents – so as long as it buys kids shoes/food/fees what difference does it make who administers it?
@RollyDodger – in a perfect world fair & equitable arrangements could be made between parents…
… who wouldn’t need to separate, as they love in a perfect world!!?!
Some people cannot get along, that’s not the point. The point is, why should I be discriminated against for trying to be a positive presence in my kids lives? My parental duties are not just financial, but unfortunately the courts only enforce my financial duties. They don’t allow me joint custody even though my Ex & I are both secondary teachers with 3 months holidays.
I haven’t woken up on Christmas morning with my kids for four years…
@Michael – that’s tough – but you know as well as i do that the law has to look after the kids first and in 90% of cases the shoreing up of the Moms rights (in relation to being the primary care giver) is the right thing to do. The family court every day is about Dad’s who do not pay do not contribute and do not get involved. Your tale and especially re Christmas is tough no doubt… but i’m sure your kids are great and well looked after to have a Dad such as yourself so anxious to be involved.
That’s BS rolly, “anxious to be involved”- do you think if a woman was anxious to be involved the courts would refuse to intervene? Why can’t 50:50 custody be granted, surely that’s in the best interest of the child!
This means that they both have to be responsible, and neither greedy, and they have to get along. But the reason they are separated is that they don’t get along. Nearly all separation arrangements are fragile, put together with a great deal of grief and legal expense. You want us to go back there? Words cannot convey the dread that most separated parents feel when asked to do that.
@Rolly, you’d quite happily throw 1 out of every 10 of these kids to the wolves…? There are some women out there who are quite vicious and mentally unstable yet have been awarded primary care of the kids yet this is acceptable to you? It’s apparently quite acceptable to the state. Lives are being ruined, young minds being twisted by hate but to your mind the level of anxiety this causes must in some way make the children’s lives better? How on Earth do you come to this conclusion other than with a closed mind and a blinkered existence…? There’s a real world out there with deeply flawed people who destroy lives because of a deeply flawed system, it needs to be changed especially for your 1 in 10 because that is far too many to put up with in this day and age.
dinasour living in a different era. We are the x generation who love and care for our children.
The starting point in all custody cases where agreement isnt secured beforehand by both parents should be 50:50.
Where custody is shared the mother will in all likelihood get the tax credit as even though custody is shared 50/50 she is entitled to claim childrens allowance. The revenue say that the tax credit will go to the person in receipt of childrens allowance. So the father will not get the tax credit unless the mother decides to voluntarily sign it over to him whether or not she avails of it
Taught it was much fuss about nothing, thanks for the education separated dads,
This situation smacks of bullying , with the state acting as the woman’s big brother,
Typical blue shirt crap, they are like a blind bulls in a china shop…..
The are lining their own pockets. Is it true that Kenny is the longest serving in the Dail.
when he does eventually retire I wonder how many pensions he will receive and how much they will amount to?
As a separated father who contributes and can’t wait for the next time the kids come over, it is a disgrace the way kenny is treating us separated parents of both gender as either can be at the loss if working.
Pergaps one of the legal eagle group could take a case on this to the courts. Under the maastrict treaty, as it clearly states in this that you cannot be discriminated against by age sex or marital status . Any ideas anyone on this???
bud come friend us on facebook, we are in the middle of an td and senator email campaign. We are hoping for the way of least resistance but are looking at other options. irishfathersforequality
To all those single dads doing their best by the kids, fair play! For those who feel hard done by when they have the kids on a regular basis and still pay maintenance for a full week, do you not realise the primary carer still has rent/ mortgage payments to make and bills to pay even when they don’t have the kids? I have this argument with my ex and it wrecks my head how he doesn’t understand that these things still have to be paid!! I am all for equality and fairness to those who are willing to make the effort, otherwise, if it’s me I will do and take what I can to ensure my daughter is cared for properly cos they are all that matter!!!
I think one thing you forget here is that he also has bills to pay and now has a week’s unforeseen additional bills associated with the child. As you are not spending anything on the child during that week, it would be only fair to give him some money when he cares for the child for a long period of time.
That’s a fair point, and if he has the child/ children for a period of time than compromises can always be made! I just unfortunately got landed with one of the few that makes no effort whatsoever!
I thought you said he paid maintenance which you also need and use to pay bills even when the kid is with him for longer than foreseen? So, he (1) pays financially and (2) keeps the child for long periods of time. How come he does not make an effort then?
Marie, not that my arrangement with my ex is your business, but he has recently decided that he can’t afford to pay maintenance and out of the 4 weeks a year he is meant to see her, he has seen her one week, hence not making the effort!! Hope this satisfies your questions!
A judge makes an order on your earnings,so if your take home pay drops your maintainance payments will also drop so this is an anti child tax
If your take home pay drops, the maintenance stays the same until you go back into court to have it changed, while you wait the few months for your case, or the 18 months for legal aid, arrears are owed if you can’t make the full payments in the meantime by the time you get heard. Also court is expensive.
It’s likely that a lot of good dads will be penalised by ex’s that couldnt care less that they have lost a tax credit that was vital to stay above water just about.
Question for the journal …. Please can you explain why “UNJUST” is in quotation marks? When I read the headline it suggests that the unjust claim is questionable.
Sure we’ve enough advantages… why we need another one like a yac credit when we make a baby?
It is in quotation marks because it is a quote from the One Family representative.
I am not a single parent, and I suspect most of Leinster house are not either. I must admit I am surprised by the anger over this though.
It would seem totally counterintuitive to me to have both parents claiming a single parent allowance. In effect doubling the tax credit that couples are not entitled to. That doesn’t make economic sense, and when I saw it in the budget, it struck me as closing a loophole that had been open for too long.
Perhaps it should’ve been managed differently though… Instead of the way they did it, they could’ve increased the credit 1600 to 2400, an increase of 50%, and then made it so that any two single parents of a child could share the credits as they see fit, meaning an overall reduction of 25%. But I also appreciate that these are relationships that have already failed, and to expect agreement is somewhat optimistic.
Sim you obviously don’t unstand the complexity of seperated families or how fragile parental agreements are. Nor do you understand the cost to both seperated parents in trying to run two independant house holds where two of everything is needed just to care for one child never mind multiple children.
When a single person gets married they get a double credit … each of them …. which has nothing to do with children. If they separate, they go back to being single persons and their married credit is halved.
If in the meantime they have had children, then they go back to being single persons … HALVING THEIR CREDIT from that of a married coole (who might not have kids) and they get a single parent credit IN RESPECT OF A CHILD or multiple children. In this regard the Single Parent Credit is awarded in respect of a child … just as children’s allowance is awarded in respect of a child. You can’t be a parent without a child…!
In this way the State guarantees (a) that there is recognition of the status of the single person as a person with dependent children who require the same care as children in a marriage and (b) that separated parents are treated eqally to married parents.
The single parent credit is NOT something extra that separated couples get that married parents don’t … both sets of parents get the exact same credit …. crrently!
The budget proposal will have the following effect:
A married household with children will have a tax credit of € 3,300
A separated household where teh children are with a primary carer (97% of cases the mother) will have a tax credit of € 1,650 …. which is meaningless to a mother who is not working!!
A separated household where the children are not residing (i.e. with the father) will get NO credit. The father is legally obliged in order to have access to his children to provide a safe, comfortable, suitable environment for his children – he has to provide a home, just like the mother has to provide a home.
Thuus we go from a position where there is equality between separated parents and married parents (otherwise you are saying that separated parents are LESSER parents that those married) to a position where the state creates THREE CLASSES OF PARENT:
Married parents – who get a total tax credit of €3,300
Single Parents (Mothers) who get a tax credit of € 1,650 and
Single Parents (fathers) who get NO tax credit – and are therefore treated in the eyes of the State as single PERSONS with no reference to the existence of their flesh and blood children. Single fathers will have “invisible” children.
Once you create any inequality between married parents and separated parents you automatically create an inequality between the CHILDREN of married parents and the CHILDREN of separated parents … because you can’t BE a parent WITHOUT a child!
There is no doubt that the system is open to the abuse – but even the government’s own figures do not add up. The commission for taxation calculated that there are approx 76,000 single parents are claiming the credit …. but there are over 215,000 SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES in the State. (Censuus 2011). So to the say that the tax system is being abused is a fallacy. In fact the credit which is available is seriously UNDERclaimed … suggesting that the State have been inadequate in informing eligible parents of the availability of the credit.
I believe there is also a serious question about whether the proposed credit will be constitutionally sound. In terms of how the State and the legal system view the Constitution there is no challenge – because the courts view “family” as meaning family WITHIN MARRIAGE ONLY. However 1 in 4 families in the State are single parent families…!! That’s 25% of all families that the Constitution, or at least its interpretation up to now, does not protect.
My view is that a married couple (not necessarily with children) get € 3,300 between them while under the proposal, a separated couple will get €1,650 between them. Therefore the State BENEFITS FINANCIALLY FROM THE BREAKUP OF A MARRIAGE. I cannot see how having a financial interest in family breakup can be reconciled with a Constitutional obligation to protect the family.
The system needs to be seriously reviewed.
In my own case I pay 70% of my wages either in maintenance or other DIRECT costs for my children. This leaves me with € 202 per week to live on (the poverty line for an adult is € 210) AND TO PROVIDE A SECOND HOME FOR MY CHILDREN who are with me 1 week in 4. The cut will mean my own “living income” to do that will go down to € 154. Having to live below the poverty line personally, after ensuring that my children DON’T, means I have nowhere to make savings of 25% of “my” income … so the single biggest option for me is to go to court and seek a reduction in the maintenance I pay for my children …. thus PASSING ON THE BUDGET CUT TO THE CHILDREN’S MOTHER which I don’t want to do and which I don’t think the government intended in the proposal.
I am not simply “fighting for myself” because “boohoo the government took some money off me” … I am fighting for equality within the system, for my children’s right not to have the State interfere in EITHER of their parents ability to carry out the parental resposibilities and because if the proposal goes through I wold be worse off than if I went on the dole … when I currently pay €5,500 to the government in PAYE tax only (not including PRSI and USC).
It simply makes no sense …. and breaks Enda Kenny’s promise in the Programme for Government which he proclaimed most vociferouusly in the Dail as late as October 2nd … that NOBODY WOULD SEE AN INCREASE IN THEIR INCOME TAX! His preciouus Programme for Government FORBIDS IT!
Fine Gael came to power on the basis of their Programme for Government.
If they have torn it up, then Enda Kenny has NO grounds to keep making the banal statement he loves ;”This government has a MANDATE from the people”
With no mandate this is an illegitimate government and cannot claim authority.
and that’s all I have to say on that LOL
(I am not a member of any political party or group. I do campaign against austerity and will continue to do so because the bondholders’ debt is the bondholders’ debt – not mine)
phew – time for a cuppa
And worse, because married people get the credit whether they have children or not, and let’s not forget the extra basic rate band. If you hear anger on this thread you are not listening; it is not anger, but fear.
The married tax credit benefit is the next one for the chop .”They” are working along the line , who’s next , sorry but they don’t give a F–k how they get the dosh, who they take it from , how much it hurts, how much they protest . Sad
Divide by 2 =?
…Father’s Day, What Father’s Day ? ……..
How Parental Alienation Effects Father’s Today
……………..By Joseph Goldberg, 2012…………………
I am spoofing the title of this article from a good
friend of mine, Chaim Steinberger. He wrote a very
insightful and brilliant journal article on Parental
Alienation that he called, “ Father, What Father ? “
I decided to write about this holiday because many
father’s will be hurting when it arrives. They won’t
be getting to see their child or receive a call or any
cards or any other acknowledgement because their
children are alienated and that means come Sunday
they’ll be rejected for very unjustified reasons.
For some dad’s who will be waiting to see their kid
because a court order forces them to go, don’t be
to surprised when they don’t show up. If they do
only to tell you they don’t want to be with you, or
worse come over only to say that they hate you,
and don’t ever want to see you again, I am writing
my article just for you.
You know the old saying, “ Silence is deafening. “
Well it’s deafening for a reason, and as another old
saying goes, “ Everything happens for a reason. “
Even though you may not be getting their affection
on Sunday, it doesn’t mean your child isn’t at least
thinking of you, and because they are alienated and
unable to express to you that you’re not forgotten …
and that they do love you, let me be the first one to
remind you of that fact. Your kids do love you, and
you’re not forgotten because Sunday, is also a very
painful holiday reminder for them.
It’s painful to them to be without you because every-
where they go and see a father with his son or, with
his daughter; laughing, hugging, or kissing, smiling
at each other, going out to lunch together, to dinners
or a movie, driving together, talking on a cell phone,
texting, meeting up somewhere, it reminds them
that it’s also not them being with you.
Every time they turn on their TV that day, flip open
their computer, listen to the radio, they will hear
that it’s Father’s Day, and every time they pass by
a store there will be an item for sale saying it’s
Father’s Day, and they didn’t get you your present.
They didn’t get to say, “ you’re my dad “ and then the
words, `” I love you. “ They’ll try and block it out but
how do you block out the sky, the ground below, how
do you erase the touch on your skin or, what you feel
deep in your bones ?
Denial is a fixated condition for alienated
children, so is breathing. Memories of love for
father are never really erased they’re just
buried below the surface and those memories
will resurface on this Sunday, Father’s Day.
Take comfort in the fact that your picture may
not be in a frame next to their bed or on the wall
in their mom’s house, but they are not deleted
from their memory. It is also hard to ignore
mother trying to pretend how much better off
they are without you, while the look on her face
also reminds them she can’t be the father they’re
missing out on today.
No matter what stepfather tries to take your
place after you got replaced, displaced and
erased, nothing is ever going to hold back their
feelings of loss because they’re connected to
their father when they see themselves in a
mirror. Some likeness of you is something in
their DNA that they can see in their own face.
Not only are there painful memories there
are probably more than a few good ones.
Like the time you took them to a show, or
watched them at a school performance,
or played some game with them, played
with your pet, took them to visit your
parents, cooked a meal for them, these
memories are also resurfacing around them.
Imagine how it must feel for them to watch
their friends getting together with their dads
and how they have to explain or avoid talk-
ing about you not being around on Father’s
Day. Imagine their maternal grandfather try-
ing to act as a substitute for the father they
are missing in their lives and never saying,
“ Why don’t you call your dad today ? “
How is their behaviour going to be memorialized
in the future.
Father’s Day, is something I feel long after my
own father has passed away. You don’t have
to actually be around to be remembered and
to be loved. I don’t need to feel bad about the
father’s day I am not spending with him this
Sunday, I will be thinking about all the good
times with my dad and I know that your child-
ren might want you to believe that they don’t
love you back, but that’s just denial talking.
You’re as much a part of their life as you
have ever been ( even more so ) and not
because of being present, but because
of being absent. Believe it because we
know from all the social science research
that this is truly how alienated children
are feeling.
I feel my father is with me now even though
he passed more than 15 years ago. I was
alienated from him by a mother that
extinguished him from my life, but not
forever. We made up for all the lost time
and years of alienation that was stolen from
us both.
In the Jewish religion when a loved parent
dies we say prayers, Kaddish, and we light a
candle in memory of the parent. Perhaps as
a way to remember that you are still a
parent you should light a candle and keep
it burning all day, on Father’s Day.
Say a prayer of love, memorialize your
feelings of loss and perhaps to help be
forgiving so anger does not take over
the better part of judgment in your life.
As a targeted, rejected parent remember the
good parts of the person you are and remain
and strive to lift yourself up, don’t let any-
thing change that belief in your-self because
sometimes all we have is ourselves to believe
in, and in truth that’s the one person whose
opinion counts the most.
For more educational information please visit
http://www.ParentalAlienation.ca
and
http://www.ParentalAlienationEducation.com
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