Took about ten years from start to finish for me really. Came out to my friends in college just as we finished our degrees, I had known for a few years at that stage but was too busy studying to really do much about it. All my mates were brilliant, my best friend turned out to be gay too which was quite mad coming out to each other.

One friend only turned her back on me, said I’d burn in hell. Suffice it to say I have not interacted with her since.

Came out to my family progressively over a year or two and all was grand. My Dad, very much a mans man just said sure thats grand as long as you are happy. The only person we didnt tell was my Nan. She was quite religious and we werent sure how she’d take it. So eventually me and my partner were having our civil partnership a decade after we got together in 2011. My Nan about four months before it opened a conversation about my partner and I just told her what was happening. She was 91 at this stage. She was completely unphased and delighted I had someone to love. She gave out that we hadnt told her. And she gave me the best advice – ignore the priests, dont listen to what they preach, they dont know what the real world is and God wont care who you love as long as you are a good person. She died a year ago.

So it took a decade but it went well! Even if I was a bag of nerves telling my nearest and dearest each time.

Lovely video, “get it out there, otherwise it’s a life half lived ” xxx

Remember feeling like my legs were dipped in concrete trying to walk over to my Mother to tell her. Was great except ”Embarrassing Bodies” was on the telly so a little awkward to have genitals on the screen behind you as you’re trying to break the news.
Couldn’t have had a better reaction. People talk about rural-dwellers and the presumed conservatism but at the end of the day your Mammy is still your Mammy.

My parents were divorced so I had to do it far too many times. I told my mum first, as I balled my eyes out. I felt a sense of shame. She laughed and told me it doesn’t matter either way.

My dad pretty much guessed. He told me I’m his daughter and he loves me, but took a while longer to come around. He told me 2 years ago he was against marriage equality. Though we haven’t spoken about it since, I hope he has cone round.

I told my brother while he was lying in a hospital bed, badly injured. My mother had freaked out that I hadn’t told him and that he had nearly died. He sensed I wanted to tell him something so he started guessing.
‘You’re pregnant!’…..
‘NO.’
‘You’re married!’
……’no, you went with pregnant first?! I’m gay.’
‘Oh, hahahahahahaha, grand. Have you a girlfriend?’
‘Yeah’
‘What’s she like? Oh, have you told mum and dad?!’
Then we discussed our ‘types’ of women.

All in all coming out was so much easier than I expected. You always expect it will be a huge deal, but it’s not.

I teach 5th class here in Sweden. I’ve been teaching them since summer holidays ended in mid-August. On Thursday they asked me if I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I told them boyfriend. I just got a few “Awwww”s from them and that was it, then on it was to the next topic.

It all happened because we had Equality Day at school on Thursday, and that’s what brought it up. We were discussing the types of discrimination that are forbidden in our school and sexual orientation was one of the ones that they guessed, along with race, gender, religion etc. They needed to discuss in groups how they could make sure that no one could feel abnormal in any way at school, or in life in general. They suggested not assuming all non-white people aren’t Swedish, for instance. For sexual orientation, they suggested that it would be best for them all to make a habit of asking someone if they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, rather than only asking a boy if he had a girlfriend, and vice versa, if a girl has a boyfriend. I praised their idea, and then they turned things around and put the question to me. :-) Their reaction when I said I have boyfriend was basically a non-reaction, but to me it was amazing.

We moved the discussion on to the other forms of discrimination. There was one form that is forbidden in our school policy that they had not guessed, so I told them. It was gender identity. I explained it to them in simple terms – that someone may be born with the body of a boy, but feel like they should be a girl, and vice versa, and also that someone may feel like neither a boy or a girl. I explained how we need to be conscious of how tough this is for someone to realise and deal with, that we should not discriminate and we should offer support and respect.

I thought perhaps this was all a little bit too much for them to understand and that it was going over their heads. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Two of the kids in my class know two other kids outside of our school, both born as boys, both identifying as female. They said that in both cases, there is a lot of negative reaction, online bullying, etc. But both kids are able to be really strong because they know that they have real friends and supportive families who are there for them. They said that both have decided to make the male-to-female transition when they are older. One of the boys in my class who is friends with one of the transgender kids, is a real boy’s boy – sporty, loves his rough and tumble, play-fighting, hockey, soccer etc. Yet he proudly told everyone in the class on Thursday that a good friend of his is transgender. It was so encouraging.

I feel both happy and sad having thought about what I have just written. I’m happy because, now more than ever, I have realised that I teach 30 of the most amazing and caring kids imaginable – they really care about each other and support each other all of the time, and are obviously very supportive people outside of school too. Yet, at the same time, I feel sad because I know that were my whole situation transferred 1,700km west to Ireland, I could have been fired for answering the kids’ question about whether I have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I could not have had such an inspiring Equality Day for the kids. Given social norms at home, they almost certainly could not have admitted to having transgender friends. Ireland has come on in an unimaginable way in less that 20 years. But there is still a long way to come. I love Ireland. But I also love being able to be me 100% of the time, and not having to put on a mask for the sake of my job.

Couldn’t say it’s so my dad thought I was pregnant hahaha

I came out to my mam and dad when I was working for my dad, somehow people in work had heard that I was gay and it was being discussed on the factory floor, so I had to tell them before they heard it elsewhere.

I remember it so clearly even though it was 8 years ago. I was paniced beyond belief I had packed a bag and arranged for somewhere to stay cause I was convinced I was about to be fired.

It was a Thursday evening I went downstairs and there they were watching Emmerdale and eating Fish Fingers for dinner, I asked if I could have a word and they muted the TV that scared the shit out of me, I had their undivided attention. I couldn’t think of a graceful way of saying it so I just blurted out that I was gay.

They both looked up at me and I held my breath when my dad said “OK that’s grand, we’ve no problem with that” when I didn’t respond he asked if I had a problem with it and when I said no, that was that they went back to their fish finger dinner and Emmerdale and I went out and got drunk! I think I would have gotten more of a reaction if I had told them I was going to buy smokes!!

Oh I forgot to say, in my years since coming out I’ve only had one negative reaction from one person, but since then that person is cool now, he is straight and last night I met him in the Dragon. So it just goes to show it does get better!!

I was in foster care being looked after buy an Aunt who was a blood relative; her words still echo to this day “You are bringing nasty diseases into my house”. Suffice to say I moved out very quickly after that. At the time I had no support from relatives so I fell “into the scene” and lived a very wild existence for a number of years. Settled into a relationship but put way to many demands on it on the basis of wanting to recreate a past existence. I was “determined to make everything normal, when that relationship ended I found that I was immediately in another and made all the effort of hitting the self destruct button again”. It took me a long time to realise that normal is ambiguous. For years, I drifted, moved around sometimes living it up, sometimes not. The one thing that my aunt had given me was the courage to never ever be frightened of who and what I am. It’s never ever been a secret. I don’t go parading into places telling people I’m a big old gay but they usually figure it out. Often, for me it’s like a little game as they get to know me, then find out and they struggled to deal with their own prejudices because they actually like me as a person.
I had known since I was knee high to a grass-hopper, my mum had actually hinted many times before she passed away. Having that knowledge was a comfort after she had gone.
For me, the coming out bit was easy, it was the aftermath of having no support from people who were close, the craziness of youth and bad decision making. Would i change it now? Probably, but what has been has been.
The weirdest thing is the here and now, I identify as gay, but I’m not really into “the scene” in a big way..I live in a lovely quiet town and of course, it’s by the by that I probably am not the average citizen. It works for me, but I don’t hold out much hope of meeting a life partner anymore…if it happens, it happens; in between times I’m happy with my lot. Similarly, I’m in the bosum of the family again, nobody seems to care and if they did they haven’t said. It’s not a big issue.
Overall, I made a lot of bad decisions and there was so many other life issues going on that it was a drop in the ocean at the time. I do feel for those out there who feel they can’t come out..I mean, it’s not like we’re living in the dark ages. There’s a lot of fear though (think of all of the blank profiles on dating apps/websites – they’re all scared their granny is trawling grindr to catch them out!). I feel sad that people are still doing that today.

Oops..lifestory!

I’m thinking of getting the snip and throwing on a frilly frock. Do you think I should go the whole hog?