EACH WEEK IN our series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out what to do about a tricky parenting situation.
To get a balanced view, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.
Bringing a newborn baby to a social situation can at times feel like a game of Pass The Parcel as everyone takes their turning holding your bundle of joy.
Fun for everyone, right? Well, maybe not for the new mum or dad. Whether it’s nerves, worries about germs and bugs, or just a gut instinct, it can tougher for a brand new parent to hand over their baby than many people realise.
This week, one concerned first-time mum is wondering if she can say “no” to those wanting to hold her new arrival, or if refusing is just, well… rude.
Have a parenting question you’d like some other mums and dads to weigh in on? Let us know anonymously here!
I really don’t like it when other people hold my baby. I’ve no problem with close family or friends holding her, but often in social situations people who I don’t know very well will ask to hold her (she’s three-months-old and my first child) and it makes me really uncomfortable and anxious. I worry that she’ll pick up a cold or virus, which I know is unlikely but I can’t help it. I don’t know how to say ‘no’ without causing a scene or seeming ridiculous, so I usually say that she needs a feed or is feeling a bit cranky. Am I being unreasonable by not letting other people hold my baby?
You’re not being unreasonable at all. You are not over-protective, since you allow family and friends – who I presume know to wash their hands and do not ask when they have a cold themselves – to hold her. Your baby has a right to her own space too. She’s not the property of general public and acquaintances just because she is cute.
And at that age, once the so-called ‘fourth trimester’ is over, I found both my children did not want to be over-handled and wanted to have their own time awake and without being in someone’s lap all the time. It’s how they get used to the world. Keep doing what you are doing and don’t feel bad about making excuses.
Of course you’re not being unreasonable! Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. Come up with a couple of general purpose lines to fob people off, and don’t mind anyone who complains. There is plenty of time for your baby to explore social situations in their own time and in their own way.
Yes, you’re being a bit unreasonable. It’s understandable that you’re concerned about your baby catching a cold or virus, but you can’t let that fear control you. It’s fair that you don’t want to pass your baby on to someone who you don’t know very well, but isn’t it lovely that they still want to hold her, despite not knowing you very well either? Ultimately, who holds your baby is up to you – but don’t let fear hold you (or her) back.
So what’s the final tally? Is this reader being unreasonable?
Yes – 1
No – 2
Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
Have a parenting question you want answered? Let us know anonymously in our survey here and we’ll put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads.
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