Let’s Talk About Fertility is a series sponsored by Vhi Healthcare that deconstructs the stigma around infertility, inspired by the stories of couples who have experienced it and the doctors and counsellors who help them every day.
“IT CONSUMES EVERYTHING you do and there’s the financial side of it too – there’s no going away for a weekend or planning a holiday down the line. When you get your holiday at work it was around a cycle. It makes it impossible to plan anything, everything was in limbo for a very long time.”
These are the words of Olivia and Kevin*, a couple who had tried to conceive for five years, going through six unsuccessful rounds of fertility treatment before having their son, spending what they estimate to be €60,000 in the process.
Their story is just one of thousands in Ireland, and we’ll be telling several over the course of this series.
Late last year, the Central Statistics Office found that the birth rate in Ireland had fallen to its lowest figures in ten years. At the same time, the number of births to mothers over 40 have climbed by almost 75%, as the average age of first-time mothers has grown from 28.5 in 2004 to 30.5 in 2016.
But these statistics don’t tell the full picture that in the midst of all this, and often behind closed doors, one in six couples are experiencing fertility issues – something the people don’t always feel inclined to be open about.
The lack of visibility was certainly something experienced by Helen Browne, who co-founded the National Infertility Support and Information Group (NISIG) just over twenty years ago in 1996. When she began, “there were no chat rooms, no Google, no nothing” and there were only two clinics in Ireland.
I attended my treatment with my head down and I was always terribly afraid that someone would know me. I didn’t discuss it with my family or friends. I told nobody.
After an unsuccessful round of treatment and counselling, Browne realised she needed to speak to others who had gone through what she had gone through. She rang around maternity hospitals in Cork and Dublin and found that there were no support groups.
Hearing another Cork accent in the crowd at a fertility event, Browne bravely raised her hand and asked would the woman meet her outside, they then formed a support group – the NISIG, created as she really wanted to meet up and talk to others.
We started in Cork and next thing we were getting calls from all over Ireland. Michael Noonan gave us £3000 and we set up a number with that and it just escalated. There was a huge stigma to it at the time and people were so afraid to tell others.
The level of stigma associated with infertility was unimaginable at the time, says Browne:
You must remember when IVF first started in Ireland, Louise Brown was known as Frankenstein. People used to call them “babies in the dish”. They were afraid they were going to be judged about that.
Almost forty years after the first ever baby was born from IVF, a lot of scaremongering remains in the media. Recently an article in a major newspaper suggested that a woman’s fertility declines dramatically at 27 (the full story is a lot less clear), while another blamed a ‘chicken pox-like virus’ for a rise in infertility last summer.
This side of the Irish Sea, other recent stories include an article about a woman who supposedly boosted her fertility by following a 98% meat diet and no exercise, and another claiming that having a core group of female friends could also lead to higher chances of conceiving.
The scientific basis for media stories around fertility is often shaky, but on the other hand, couples say that responsible conversation in both the media and online can be very positive.
According to Browne, open conversation in these instances can make things more simple for people to understand how to approach the topic with family and friends when they hear strangers in the media broach the subject. Even celebrities can have a powerful effect on this, says Browne:
In England it’s not a taboo subject and there are a lot of celebrities who have come out and said they have had fertility treatment and that can be so important for those experiencing it.
But what is the future for NISIG, Browne, and tens of thousands of people around the country like her who have struggled with fertility? Browne thinks that “without a doubt”, the government should help fund treatment.
We have a meeting coming up with Simon Harris soon and have met Leo Varadkar. When I was speaking with the Department of Health they were saying that the people in the middle are the ones who are struggling a lot with this, financially.
At present, Ireland remains one of three countries in the EU where IVF is not funded by the state. Last February, Minister Varadkar announced new funding schemes, with Minister Harris aiming to review other international schemes by the end of 2016. The initiative was then delayed until 2017, with hope it will release later this year.
Back home, Browne continues to urge people not to hide or feel isolated: ”I ask people all the time why aren’t you telling people? And they say ‘it’s because I don’t want sympathy’ and I always say ‘you might not get sympathy, you might get empathy’.”
However, receiving the right support during their journey still remains an issue.
“I remember leaving the clinic in shock and dismay about the lack of support. Even the day we found out, there wasn’t a leaflet or a phone number for a counsellor”, said Alison Reede, a woman who also experienced infertility.
For Olivia and Kevin*, they had a similar experience: “We were very surprised when we found NISIG. We weren’t ever directly referred by our doctors, despite the fact that we were very clearly struggling.”
*Names changed.
Let’s talk about fertility and plan ahead with Vhi Healthcare’s new range of fertility benefits. Vhi Healthcare’s fertility benefits are designed to help you at every stage of your journey, from initial investigations and advice, to counselling and fertility treatment including IVF. For more information, visit vhi.ie/fertility.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
have your say