Advertisement

We need your help now

Support from readers like you keeps The Journal open.

You are visiting us because we have something you value. Independent, unbiased news that tells the truth. Advertising revenue goes some way to support our mission, but this year it has not been enough.

If you've seen value in our reporting, please contribute what you can, so we can continue to produce accurate and meaningful journalism. For everyone who needs it.

Marian Keyes: 'Don't blame yourself if you can't find the cause of your depression'

Best selling author, Marian Keyes, talked about relationships and mental health on the Late Late Show last night.

The Late Late Show / YouTube

AFTER RELEASING HER latest book, The Break, Marian Keyes appeared on The Late Late Show with Ryan Tubridy to discuss everything from relationships, depression, to her father’s Alzheimer’s.

She shared some feelings about mental health and how common it is for people to become depressed for no reason whatsoever.

She told the story about how eight years ago, at a BBQ, she was suddenly overcome with unbearable anxiety out of nowhere.

“I would like to say to people: don’t blame yourself if you can’t find the cause,” she said.

Ryan commented that Marian always comes across as someone of a very happy disposition, despite the huge difficulties she had in her twenties with drinking.

Keyes had even previously said that growing up her core emotions were “fear and shame”. Ryan asked how these two huge and ‘”desperately sad” words could have ever applied to Marian.

I think I was a very sensitive person anyway and I think, being the age I am, when I was growing up in the 60s, there was an awful lot of shame. Shame is taught. Ireland was a theocracy then and we were born with original sin. I already felt very ashamed about that.
Other people who are more resilient than me would not have found Ireland to be like that, but I just found it a very frightening place, where the last thing that a woman should do is stick her head above the parapet.

Although alcoholism is a genetic condition, she found the constant fear of life and getting into trouble was a terrible combination with alcoholism.

Marian is now twenty-three years sober. Since then, she has achieved great success with her writing and met her partner.

However, she said she began to struggle with her mental health.

I think depression is an illness just as alcoholism is an illness. When people hear that you’ve had a bout of bad depression, they want to know ‘what happened?’ or ‘what brought it about?’ Sometimes for some people, something terrible does happen to trigger it.

Everyone’s experience is different, she explained.

For some people, nothing terrible happens. Nothing terrible happened to me to trigger it and it happened very dramatically and very suddenly. I’d like to say to people out there: don’t blame yourself if you can’t find the cause. It’s an illness.

Marian was totally confused and terrified by her first bout of random anxiety, describing the feeling as being total in fear of your life.

The author also spoke a bit about her new book, The Break, which Ryan Tubridy described as “predicated on the notion that even in the happiest of relationships, one still needs a break”.

PastedImage-63742 RTÉ RTÉ

It tells the story of a woman named Amy in her second marriage (whose husband left her in the previous marriage) as she struggles to accept that her new husband Hugh wants to take a six-month break to South-East Asia to sort out his midlife crisis. An onslaught of emotion ensues as Amy tries to cope with the anxiety that Hugh will leave her, just as her ex-husband did.

The novel was inspired by Keyes reading about “marriage sabbaticals” that are becoming more and more popular as life expectancy increases and married couples have to spend longer together than ever before.

PastedImage-32281 RTÉ RTÉ

Since Marian is always writing about relationships, Ryan asked her how often she’s approached and asked for advice.

She told Ryan:

I am, which I sort of feel is bizarre. I know nothing! I was queen of the disastrous relationships until I met himself. I have no wisdom.

Discussing the issues people commonly approach her with, Marian said it was usually stuff like this:

People say: ‘I love him. I do. I really love him. But the sound of him eating an apple – I want to bury an axe in his head. Is that normal?’ Or people say: ‘Yeah, I love him, we’re newly married but there’s this man at work and every time I meet him Í get butterflies.’

Her advice to anyone feeling this way is that although you’re in a relationship, or married or coupled up, you’re still alive.

I have a lovely friend who says to me – and she’s very happily coupled up – but she says she never feels right until she has a work crush. Just something to keep… ‘the juices flowing’. She has no intentions of acting on it, but it brightens up the day. It’s like having a Mars bar or something, but an emotional version. It gives you a lift.

If the video won’t play, you can watch it here.

DailyEdge is on Snapchat! Tap the button below to add!

Written by Kelly Earley and posted on DailyEdge.ie

[image alt="" src="http://cdn.thejournal.ie/media/2017/09/img2-thejournal-648.png" width="600" height="115" credit-url="" credit-source="" credit-via="" credit-via-url="" wp-id="wp-image-3589818" class="alignnone" /end]

Readers like you are keeping these stories free for everyone...
A mix of advertising and supporting contributions helps keep paywalls away from valuable information like this article. Over 5,000 readers like you have already stepped up and support us with a monthly payment or a once-off donation.

Close
15 Comments
This is YOUR comments community. Stay civil, stay constructive, stay on topic. Please familiarise yourself with our comments policy here before taking part.
Leave a Comment
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute TravellingTheWorld
    Favourite TravellingTheWorld
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 1:24 PM

    Sure who hasn’t depression these days?

    Not feeling too bad today myself.

    66
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Coner Willis
    Favourite Coner Willis
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 1:29 PM

    @TravellingTheWorld: You obviously don’t know what depression is.

    169
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Louis Jacob
    Favourite Louis Jacob
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 1:40 PM

    @Coner Willis: Actually that’s exactly what someone with depression would say. ‘Obviously’ You dont know what depression is.

    27
    See 4 more replies ▾
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Coner Willis
    Favourite Coner Willis
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 1:53 PM

    @Louis Jacob: Ehh.. what?

    26
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Anthony Halpin
    Favourite Anthony Halpin
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 2:28 PM

    Extremely long articles about depression make me depressed.

    22
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute TravellingTheWorld
    Favourite TravellingTheWorld
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 4:49 PM

    @Coner Willis: It’s just a coincidence she is flogging a book.

    Watching the dweep asking her questions on the TV would be enough to drive anyone to despair.

    17
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Larry Kavanagh
    Favourite Larry Kavanagh
    Report
    Sep 10th 2017, 12:30 AM

    @Anthony Halpin: Then avoid reading them for the sake of your mental health.

    6
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Fiona deFreyne
    Favourite Fiona deFreyne
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 2:09 PM

    It was a good interview and insightful.

    Best of luck. She has vanquished her demons and depression and seems to know the precipitating factors. It may be an encouragement for others.

    57
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Paul Devlin
    Favourite Paul Devlin
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 3:00 PM

    Can she not open her mouth for once without going on about having been a bit fond of the vino and being depressed? She’s desperate

    44
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Larry Kavanagh
    Favourite Larry Kavanagh
    Report
    Sep 10th 2017, 12:33 AM

    @Paul Devlin: She also discussed other topics but that appears to have gone over your head, you must have fixations about alcoholism and depression.

    9
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Andi Black
    Favourite Andi Black
    Report
    Sep 10th 2017, 12:33 AM

    Marian, I have read some of your books and have enjoyed them. You, believe it or not have take the weight of our shoulders ,with your words. Thank you!!

    6
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Andi Black
    Favourite Andi Black
    Report
    Sep 10th 2017, 1:23 AM

    @Andi Black: taken

    1
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Paul Jennings
    Favourite Paul Jennings
    Report
    Sep 9th 2017, 8:59 PM

    “Dying is easy, it’s living that scares me to death.” (Annie Lennox. “Cold.”)

    8
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Peadar O'Grady
    Favourite Peadar O'Grady
    Report
    Sep 12th 2017, 12:44 PM

    Textbook description of a panic attack by Marian Keyes. Fear not mentioned enough when discussing suffering and mood states. Fear, anger, depression, excitement, shame, guilt etc. We need to talk about more than just one feeling and more than just feelings. Experiences still matter even if they seem not directly connected. Past and current experiences of stress from finances, work, relationships etc. Alien mood from nowhere cured by pill is a shallow and overrehearsed theme in mental health discussions. One important difference between alcoholism and depression is that mainstream medical advice is to try to deal with stress without chemicals with one but to try using chemicals to deal with stress and breakdowns in coping with the other.

    3
Submit a report
Please help us understand how this comment violates our community guidelines.
Thank you for the feedback
Your feedback has been sent to our team for review.

Leave a commentcancel

 
JournalTv
News in 60 seconds