Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
When people ask me where I’m from, I say I’m Persian, born in Iran. I say I write and dream in English. I curse in Spanish. And after a few pints of Guinness, I dance a mighty Irish jig.
MARSHA MEHRAN WANDERED the world since she was two years old, searching for somewhere she could call home.
Her meanderings led her, in many different ways, to Ireland.
It was in Lecanvey, county Mayo – at the very edge of Europe – that the search came to an abrupt end. It wasn’t the home she sought but it was her final resting place.
On 30 April 2014, gardaí found her badly decomposing body, face down in the bedroom of her bungalow, surrounded by pans of liquid, empty water bottles, crisp packets and chocolate bar wrappers.
Known in the area as a recluse, the death not only shocked the small community, it made headlines around the world. Marsha, at just 36 years of age, was an international best-selling novelist. Her first book, Pomegranate Soup, was sold in 15 different languages and was courted by a many a film maker.
Landing in Lecanvey
Lured by the inspiration of Croagh Patrick, the restless romantic was consumed by the task of writing her third novel. (Her debut had taken the world by storm but her second failed to hit the same dizzying heights).
By January 2014, she decided that self-imposed isolation in the west would facilitate the task. Her affair with Ireland had started long before that, however.
Born in Iran in 1977, Mehran’s travels began with a revolution when her parents took the family to Argentina. Settled in Buenos Aires where the family ran a café, she developed a love of food and music.
Economic unrest in the country meant a second move when Marsha was just six years old. America was the destination for the next eight years. Until Australia called.
It was a transient, unsettled life.
Fourteen years. Four continents.
Her father, Abbas, admitted in an RTÉ Doc on One programme airing today that she never had a home.
“When you don’t have a home, you don’t know what to do, how to invest in your life.”
First love
Finding a place to call home – and being rejected – was actually the beginning of Marsha’s demise.
Five years after her parents divorced in Australia, and with $200 in her pocket, she made the trip to New York. Ready for another adventure, she worked as a waitress and had dreams of writing.
It was while in Manhattan she met her husband, Irish-born bartender Christopher Collins.
“We met on a Friday, moved in together on Sunday, engaged a few weeks after that and moved to Australia four months after that,” the Mayo man told RTÉ of his wife’s impulses.
She proposed to him.
They moved every year in the early days of their marriage – flitting between the US, Australia and Ireland.
Chris was willing to follow his first love anywhere.
Eventually though, they settled in Brooklyn. Her first book had been published and she was on a high.
“I feel most myself,” she wrote about her new city.
I understand Brooklyn in my bones. The juxtaposition of so many voices, so many souls, so many foods, so many cultures. It is in this, the most American of cities, that I’ve chosen to set down roots. Because it seems to me that no other place better embodies the world.
“…when people ask where I live, I tell them Brooklyn. Brooklyn is my home.”
But it wasn’t meant to be. A minor visa infringement – failing to enter the US during a certain period – meant her green card was permanently rescinded.
She was devastated.
Chris and Marsha consulted lawyers but Marsha could not stay and work. It strained their marriage as distance kept them apart.
By 2008, they had divorced and for the next six years she wandered again.
Melbourne, Leitrim, New York, Dublin. And finally. Mayo.
According to Christopher, it was her “demons” that dragged her back to Lecanvey.
“Croagh Patrick is magical for people. It was her mountain. It was the isolation – she was never about isolation either but she thought it was for the work and she had to do it,” he says.
In January 2014, she took a bungalow from a letting agent, moved in and erected a ‘Do not disturb’ sign on the seaside property.
She made no effort to talk or know anybody. Mental illness was setting in. Unbeknownst to her, physical problems were also taking their toll.
Her neighbours don’t have much to say about her, according to today’s Doc on One.
For four months, she lived among them as a ghostly figure. Appearing briefly to use the wi-fi across the road from Staunton’s pub, sitting on a park bench.
Therese, the proprietor, recalls how she politely declined invitations into the bar.
A very different picture to the woman Ireland saw just a few years earlier on The Afternoon Show – an upbeat, pleasant and youthful voice not betraying any signs of mental distress.
Poet Paddy Guthrie told the documentary makers that it takes a certain type of person to live with the elements in Mayo’s coast.
“If you’re of a meloncholy disposition, let us say, the darkness of the landscape can weave a spell on you,” he noted.
Rejected from Brooklyn – the one place that felt like home. She had lost her passion for food. And, although she still confided in Chris, she was alone.
“I feel that she was so alone. That’s the hard part. I feel like she had nobody in her life – it doens’t matter what I say or anyone says – there was nobody in her life. She had nobody. Her best friend and muse was that mountain,” he says.
The mystery of her death
Searching for solace to complete her book, Marsha alienated herself. She was spotting only a handful of times between January and April.
In an email to her father she wrote:
“I’ve spent the past five months working on the edit for my third book. It’s been a painful process to say the least. Hardly a night has passed that I have not woken up midway through sleep, body drenched in sweat, heart beating out the rhythms of some ancient tarantella inside my chest.
“My legs throbbed both during the day and at night. Kind of throbbing that shook whatever seat I was on. It looked like I aged 10 years – eyes drooping, skin ashen, a vague recollection that I had not washed my hair for a week straight.”
During the final weeks, she slept by day and wrote by night.
One neighbour recalls:
I never set eyes on her until one day I was in the kitchen and she happened to be sitting at her table in the dining room and I could see right through. She seemed to be working away, obviously writing. I knew she was a recluse because we never saw her.
“Then I noticed there was nobody around the house, so I went in to her shed where there were plastic bags full of rubbish and I got on to the estate agent and advised her that the tenant had obviously moved out.”
The letting agent them began a spate of communication.
However, the last piece of Marsha’s connection to the real world happened on 10 April. It was a text message to the agent.
‘I have been vomiting blood for the last few weeks – I’ll get back to you in a few days to see what I’m going to do about things. I’m still sick.’
Concerned, she asked if Marsha had been to the doctor but there was no response.
She kept calling, kept texting until 23 April.
By 30 April, it was time for a house call. At 7am there was no answer at the chalet. So she returned later than day with gardaí.
They made the grim discovery. Marsha had died about a week earlier. She was naked except for a cardigan. Her only assets were a one euro coin and a five dollar note.
Investigations ruled out foul play. Decomposition meant no physical cause of death could be pinpointed.
An inquest returned an open verdict. Marsha had died of a unknown physical illness.
After years looking for somewhere to call home, it emerged that she had taken Irish citizenship.
“It’s not easy to slip through the cracks in life – but if someone is determined enough or unwell enough. It is possible,” the documentary ends.
And Marsha remained a wanderer in death. Dying in Mayo, cremated in Dublin, ashes resting in Melbourne.
LISTEN TO THE DOC ON ONE IN FULL HERE OR AT 1PM ON RTE RADIO ONE.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Are we going to have one to chase down parents who don’t allow the other access because they are in a mood or are being spiteful? Are they going to chase down the people who receive the child maintenance and waste it on themselves and not the children? Also if they give parents equal access to their children and didn’t favor one gender, then the financial burden could be shared and there would be no need to chase anyone down.
@Daniel Muldoon: Let’s call a spade a spade Daniel. The majority of kids are left with their birth mother (with the exception of the ones the catholic church decided shouldn’t)now it’s quite obvious ye feel aggrieved about something. Just spout it out and let us know what yer actually trying to say. Notwithstanding the fact yer quite obviously going tru some type of turmoil. Either that or your just trolling.
@Daniel Muldoon: there is already a service to support parents who are having difficulty getting access to see their children or who are having difficulty with their ex partner not turning up at the agreed time and causing stress to the child. Its called mediation. There is also a process for the amount of maintenance to be paid. If the child spends equal time at each parents then there is no maintenance to be paid. If the child spends more time at one parents the maintenance is paid to them and the children’s allowance regardless of gender. Presumably a lone parent is allowed to still enjoy life and should not have to submit accounts to every penny they spend on themselves or thier children but if you know if a case where any childi is receiving no food heat or clothes because the parent are wasting it on themselves you should report them to tusla for neglect.
@Daniel Muldoon: and I do agree some parents do use the child access as a weapon equally some use the withholding of maintenence and criticism of how maintenence is spent as a weapon. I seem both genders do both of these things and it’s toxic. I’ve also seen parents co parent in a grown up and mature fashion and nit allow their grievances create a toxic fashion. This is the best way as far as I can see.
@Rmaybe: You must to be joking if you think mediation would help resolve a situation where one side is being. unreasonable and refusing access on whims or using the children as pawns in a battle with their ex partner. Courts is the only way and that is slow and very expensive
@Paul Gorry:
Isn’t that part of the problem Paul?
The fact that the courts have a default position that favours the awarding of custody to mothers in the majority of family court cases means that the process is entirely biased in their favour from the outset.
It follows that whoever gets custody of the children must also receive the maintenance and also retains the family home in the majority of cases.
Just look at some of the judgements from the family court. Totally unrealistic, unreasonable and biased in favour of women.
@Mickety Dee: mediation works for many that can be ģrown up enough to put their differences aside and their children first. But like I said earlier the weaponising can come from both parents in terms of withholding access and money. Both are wrong
@Paul Gorry: You obviously are not in the position Paul that on occasion because let’s say the mother of your child for some reason or another best known to them decides to use that child as a stick to beat you with,have you ever sat outside a house crying looking through the window as your child looks out but can’t go to the door because their mother is blocking their path? Years of pain and heartache not knowing from one week to another what response you’ll receive, paying for holidays only to be told a few days before No the child isn’t allowed go, never ever missing a maintenance payment ever, in fact paying far and above the norm to the extent it leaves you struggling to live? I have Paul, if you haven’t don’t presume the chap is trolling.
@Rmaybe: Mediation must be agreed to. Its futile when you’re dealing with a narcissistical psycho.
@Charmaine ☘ Irish: Fact
@Rmaybe: Sorry its taking me a while to write this because i am still laughing that you think that things are fair and that both parents have equal rights to the children. Mediation is not worth a wank if the Mother is being spiteful, most times the father is subject to the whims and mood of the mother. And mediation or even courts don’t seem to do anything about it. In fact i have seen women deliberately violate a court order to allow a father to see his child and face no consequences, in fact the father had to go back to court two more times before he actually was allowed access to his child. So to suggest that parents have equal rights and access to their children is a lie. And you have misandrist organisations like Tusla who go out of their way to paint men as abusers and make excuses and cover for women.
@Daniel Muldoon: sorry its taken so long to reply I was busy having fun with my family. You sound very bitter and biased. Maybe your ex partner is unreasonable mayne you are who knows what goes on behind closed doors but judging by your comments you should probably look inward, do a little work on yourself then try to move forward.
@Rmaybe: Jesus you’re some keyboard warrior. you’ve lost this argument. Jog on.
@Daniel Muldoon: Oooh… sounds like you are speaking from experience.
You do have a responsibility too, don’t want a kid? Wear a bloody condom.
Don’t leave it to the woman to decide to be pregnant or not.
@Daniel Muldoon: i guess ye don’t like women Daniel.
@Colette Kearns: funny how the decision to keep the baby or not does not need two to make.
The lad makes a good point. Men have no say or rights when it comes to having kids or paying for one they never agreed to have. Having sex and accidentally becoming pregnant is one thing for a woman as she now have a choice to decide if its the right decision for her life. The same way lads should have a choice in saying no, I do not want this kid, I am not a parent material,have a desease that could affect the kid, Im not ready, or cannot afford to have one without going homeless..
Also, I highly doubt anyone would say to women to use protection next time..
If you want the baby by all means, your body your choice. But he should also have the right to say, no I don’t want it or I’m not able to support.
There has to be a middle ground people can agree to, instead of people lashing out at this guy like he is some woman hater.
Let’s have a nice and adult conversation about it instead of the usual vile stuff people seem to love so much.
People strive for equal rights these days. Women now have the right to unilaterally opt out of parenthood, Men should be given this same right immediately.
@NotMyIreland: how on earth did you inferre that from that article?
@Rmaybe: I didn’t infer anything from the article, nor did I state I did. As the article deals with a review of the child maintenance system, I simply pointed out another one seemingly ignored by the review and society in general
@NotMyIreland: because it’s a bad point which equates access to abortion with actively failing to support a living child. You might think it’s a gotcha moment but someone’s bodily autonomy and decision to have a child or to not have one. Pregnancy is a very specific experience than can be very negative for many and which can be dangerous for some. The burden of both contraception and childcare still falls disproportionately on women and access to abortion remains limited in a large number of cases and geographic regions. Now men can walk away from a child, and often do and have for a long time. But this is different than someone choosing to not pay maintenance. Men can also get a vasectomy, a very low risk, inexpensive procedure than can in most cases be reversed and which is far more accessible than similar procedures available to women (where women are often denied access to treatment that may affect their ability to have children).
You talk about equality but when it comes to family planning and child rearing things still fall largely to the benefit of men. And that will take a good while to address. It wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t have divorce and spousal rape was not considered a crime. We have a long way to go.
@Jensen Bhroin: women can use protection and men can use protection the choice is there for both. Women can also walk away from a child as well as men, and some do, the majority don’t, but the choice is available. And in a case where contraception fails, for whatever reason, women can unilaterally decide whether to bring the responsibility of having a child on themselves, men can’t, not because the majority choose not to, but because the choice is not there for them.
Maintenance should absolutely be paid as children don’t survive on thin air.
But if the father is paying maintenance and is also ordered by the court to pay for all the school books and fees then they should be liable to get 50% of the back to school allowance.
It’s only fair.
@Paul Gorry: nothing in his comment suggested he doesn’t like women, more like he doesn’t like the inequality within the system.
The sad thing is, even with having a PPS number and other details, the courts can do nothing without a ‘current address’ to serve an order.
That’s ridiculous. The system needs to do more.
@Vic’s Burd: very true – and also by checking addresses they can cut down on those fraudulently claiming SPA whilst actually living with the other parent. And as you said in another comment if you don’t want a child then take protection. This is now paid for by the state for 18 to 25 yr olds, why is it now financially better for a parent to have a child and stay single – all the benefits for SPA, clothing and fuel allowance, back to school, medical card, housing, free travel, and now forced maintenance !!! When some 2 parent families are being pushed to the hilt with increased living costs and travel costs and childcare costs and food costs with no supports and still paying taxes that in some cases benefits for SPA are being claimed by those actually in a relationship.
@lorcmulv: the article is about pursuing parents for maintenance so they don’t have to claim SPA. Relationships break down all the time and it’s not about not wanting children in the first place. Do try to stay in topic and not make it about bashing people Iin vulnerable positions.
@Rmaybe: nowhere in the article does it suggest that those getting maintenance will not be getting SPA. My comment was on those claiming SPA whilst actually still in a relationship.
@lorcmulv: I don’t know where you get your information from but One Parent Family Payment (€240 per week) is only for those not working. When working, you don’t get it unless you’re earning under a certain amount. You’re also only entitled to a medical card/fuel allowance/back to school allowance if you’re unemployed or earning under a certain amount (gross income by the way without childcare costs rent etc taken into account). If someone isn’t paying maintenance, it’s alot of expense for a single parent.
@lorcmulv: it’s also means tested too
Totally agree I am owed 8000 euros since I went through the courts when seeking support that money was never received and there are a lot of people that had the same experience as me at the time,,the judge let him off and made so many allowances for him, I did not have the cash for a private solicitor and no free legal doesn’t work the way people think it does. When the judge reduced the amount awarded, was not in any way surprised to hear there was money due because he did not pay his bill I felt lost in that court it became all about him, my daughter was in secondary school heading for college that did not seem to be important the parent who is the primary carer weather women or man takes the hit
I am happy to report that there is an increase in the US of men choosing to have vasectomies since Roe vs Wade was overturned. Don’t ever want a child? Get a vasectomy. I am alive due to my (married) parents birth control failure. It happens.
@Rathminder:
Best Comment
@Rathminder:
Best Comment
@Vic’s Burd: I have three kids which i care for and pay for but i know many men who have been “Baby trapped” by women. Those women had the choice to not have the child and they choose to do it against the requests of the father to trap him into paying and supporting her. I am not against women, i am just against the ones who use children as a source of income.
@GaMran: Jayus that’s what ye call stalking on a comment section. I guess ye don’t like Colette.
Simple problems usually have simple solutions. Person owes x per month in maintenance so just deduct the figure automatically from their income so they don’t even see the cash and it gets deposited directly into the bank account of the person it’s owed to. Why do we overcomplicate everything.
@Paul O Connor: they did this in the UK years ago and it turned out xx was deducted from the father’s account and only x given to the mother. The system was set up so both parents didn’t have to communicate but that meant neither could discuss how much was being paid or received.
@Colette Kearns: exactly.
This should already be happening. As a general point, massive damage is done to children because separated parents fighting over access, bad mouthing the other parent, using access as baton etc. This should be a child welfare issue. If 2 people have a kid – whether planned or not – they need to be adults and work together in the best interest of the kid. There are a lot of kids being damaged by irresponsible parents and the dysfunction is only growing all the time.
@Jensen Bhroin: I know at least 2 women who came of the pill without telling their partners because they want to have children. If a man interferes with contraception it is considered rape in many places but no such view when a woman does it. There are even cases in the USA where male victims of statutory rape have to pay child maintenance
Margaret Thatcher tried this decades ago, motivated by a combination of the idea that it was these awful poor people who irresponsibly had children they could not support and her “class” had to carry the can and latent admiration for eugenics. Not surprisingly it did not end well with police forces routinely breaking down the doors at dawn of people suspected of being runaway dads—let us at least learn the lessons from that and whatever we do, let it be motivated to ensure that the child involved receives all the care it needs and is not motivated by eugenics or other “class” ideology.
@GaMran: that neglects the fact that pregnancy is something that he wouldn’t have to endure and the burden placed is asymmetrical. He can say he doesn’t want to raise it and walk away but he does have to provide maintenance. We’ve had dead beat dad’s for a lot longer than abortion has been legal in Ireland but you act like this is some revolutionary act of equality. It’s not
Women have also always been able to have abortions it is just that previously it was not legal, and still the numbers remain relatively low. But the burden of childbirth and the burden of childcare has never been equal and still disproportionately falls on women. Women also often end up pregnant despite their best efforts é.g being on hormonal contraception while condom use remains far lower. Now if there is someone who doesn’t want kids for the reasons listen above i would fully support free vasectomies but the fact remains that someone choosing to have or not have an abortion, which relates to their own physical being and which is an often complicated and dangerous medical act in itself, is in fact a very different thing than someone choosing to walk away from a child and to not support it. They are effectively bringing hardship onto that child and abdicating their responsibility.
This guy definitely has an axe to grind and like many are happy to ignore why custody often falls to women and expect historical inequalities in child rearing and resulting decision making to disappear because they don’t like when it doesn’t work for them. There are many good single father’s our there but there are also a number who feel aggrieved that a judge decided custody in favour of the mother who was the primary caregiver of the child. To create a more middle ground you need to create a more middle ground for child rearing when it comes to childrearing and we are still not there yet.
In some countries the parent which should be receiving payment is paid directly by the state and the state goes after the non-paying parent. Work or social payments are deducted at source and paid to the state. Less stress on needy parent and focus on the one not paying.
As some already mentioned if you can’t take responsibility for your actions don’t have kids! Vasectomies could be offered free of charge, with the ability to reverse at the cost of the recipient!
Having children is the most important decision a couple can make. If you 100% do not want to have kids or are not ready then either abstain or both partners use contraception. Its the kids who suffer in these petty games played by parents.
@Daniel Muldoon: ‘baby trapped’ means YOU allowed yourself to have sex without protection putting your faith in the woman to ensure they don’t/won’t/can’t get pregnant…
That responsibility also lies with you man. Stop making excuses and blaming the woman.
And well done for being ‘trapped’ into maintaining three children…
No, I replied the wrong comment of hers,which then I tried to correct. Great system on the journal logged me out and pisted the entire article as my comment.
Thank you for being so kind and polite to give others the benefit of the doubt.
You have made 0 useful comments in this conversation thread and I don’t see why are you here then other then to be rude.
have your say