MEAV MCLOUGHLIN DOYLE this morning spoke of the control and fear she lived through while experiencing abuse at the hands of her ex-husband, former garda Mark Doyle, for 12 years.
Speaking to Oliver Callan on RTÉ Radio 1 this morning, Meav said that although she endured many horrifying instances of physical abuse, it is the emotional abuse she suffered that has caused “lifelong trauma”.
Former Garda Mark Doyle, who put his ex-wife and stepsons through “horror after horror” over 12 years was sentenced to six years in jail last Friday, after he admitted to five counts of assault causing harm to Meav McLoughlin Doyle and two counts of assaulting two of her sons causing them harm on dates between 2007 and 2019.
Mark Doyle had been stationed at Ronanstown Garda Station in Blanchardstown, he was suspended from his post and later resigned from the force before pleading guilty in his trial last October.
Speaking in Dublin Circuit Criminal Court last week, Meav said that her ex-husband forced her and her sons to live in “constant fear and terror”.
On radio this morning, she spoke of the “red flags” of abuse that came earlier in her relationship with her abuser.
Meav said that before she met Mark she was 25-years-of-age, and a mother of two young boys, working in the business sector.
She said that she had the “typical hopes and dreams” for her family that young mothers have. Meav had bought her own house, where she was living with her children.
“I always felt so lucky at that time, especially with having children so young, that I was making my way in the world,” she said.
Meav went on to say that in contrast, when she was suffering the height of the abuse she was put through, she was “a complete shell of myself, I was jumping at noises, I couldn’t concentrate, which had a huge knock on effect for me in work and other places, I was always sick… I was generally unwell and all over the place because there was so much going on at home, and I was trying to keep everything going.”
The Dubliner said the first major medical issue she had to seek help for that was inflicted on her by Mark Doyle was a burst eardrum, but when she looks back further than that, there were other “red flag” instances that foreshadowed the abuse that was to come.
“At my mother’s seventieth birthday, I would have been pregnant with myself and Mark’s biological son, I am the youngest of seven so some of my nieces and nephews, so some of their friends I would know since I was young as well, there was guys there who greeted me at that, and Mark didn’t like that, and kind of took me by the arm and brought me to one side of the room like a child.
“You know the way you’d pinch a child’s arm? And told me what are you doing? I explained no these are not fellas coming on to me, I know these guys since I am a kid, but like… It’s a whole societal thing, you think guys like you if they are jealous,” she said.
Meav added: “No, that stuff’s a serious red flag,” and said that her ex-husband “always” looked at her phone as well.
She said that the abuse she experienced was a “slow creep”.
“He perforated my eardrum twice, once at the communion, and the last time was the last assault… I actually have a bit of loss of hearing in that ear.
“There were lots of incidents, hitting me with zips of his jacket and cutting my head open. fracturing a bone in my hand, kicking me with boots when I was on the ground, look, it’s a horror story, the list is endless,” Meav said.
She said that the “worst part” of what she went through was the intimidation in her own home everyday.
“When I’d be cooking he’d stand too close, I’d end up burning my hands,” Meav said.
She also said that her sister notices she walks on the “wall side” of the stairs, because her ex-husband would grab her through the bannisters going past, to “make her slip”.
“Nowhere was safe, not even the shower, and he’d make out he was messing: ‘It’s only a joke,” she said.
She said that while in public Mark Doyle fashioned himself as a “pillar of the community” through his garda work and involvement in clubs, he would also send out a message to people that she was “ditzy”.
In that way, she reflected, some people’s perception of her was shaped by her abuser.
“You start to believe it yourself. You think, God, I am a bit forgetful,” she said before adding that she knows now that she was forgetful because of the ‘chaos” Mark Doyle caused in her home.
Meav said that after a violent instance she would not talk to Mark for a few days, but inevitably, an issue related to the care of the children in the home meant that they started communicating again.
“I would let him know how displeased I was… then I was made to feel I wouldn’t let things go, I was starting the row again,” she said.
Meav said on an outing one year to choose a Christmas tree, when she was travelling in a car seperate to Mark, he called her and said “you are driving up the arse of the car in front of you.”
She said that she wasn’t, but started questioning herself. She said when they got there the family agreed to get a chinese later, when she got back the kids had McDonalds, and she raised that that hadn’t been their plan, as she’d bought the Chinese.
“There was plates of food hammered off the wall, my older sons tried to intervene, he got me by the hair to show them I am the boss, he literally walked me up and down the hall like a dog, that’s how I’d describe it, my son screaming, my daughter a year old in a high chair roaring,” she said.
Meav said in retrospect, she realised that from the start of the day – with the accusation that she was tailgating somebody – Mark had been trying to create “fear”.
She explained that in the court case there are six charges of assault causing harm, but that for her, the emotional abuse she suffered is a “lifelong trauma”. That abuse included extensive name calling, specifically about her weight.
Turning Point
Meav said that before she went to the authorities about the abuse, she had a realisation about what she was living through.
She said that she had plans to leave with her children and go to her sister’s house, but after the last attack she endured – in which her ex-husband perforated her eardrum – she went to see a GP who brought up Women’s Aid.
“I said I can’t go to Women’s Aid because of his job… she said ‘feck his job’,” Meav said.
A week later she made the choice to call up one of the charity’s refuges, and they invited her to call in.
She said that when she visited the refuge, the staff pointed out that it would be dangerous to tell Mark she wanted to leave, and that she should go and seek legal advice.
“At the time I was actually feeling guilty… that’s how conditioned I was. Again, the solicitor pointed out the danger of telling a man with that level of control and violence that you are going to leave, so I had a month of planning,” Meav said.
She said the last month was nerve-wracking. She had to secure a barring order, and also come up with a plan to go to the authorities.
“I knew I could never go to a regular garda station… it would filter back down to him” Meav said.
However, she had a friend who worked in the Garda National Protective Services Bureau, who arranged for a superintendent to visit her, and then she had the support of Women’s Aid and the gardai.
Meav secured a barring order against Mark at the end of September 2019, and he was then removed from the family home.
“I went to my sister’s house for a few weeks, because even with the barring order in place he was harassing me through social media,” she said.
Mark also hacked her voicemails and emails, “he just wasn’t letting up,” Meav said.
She then went back to her family house, with chains on her doors, while Mark continued to harass her.
She said that she waited years for her trial, and that her ex-husband never made one expression of remorse for what he did, except for an apology made in the weeks before the trial, which she rejected.
“That time he hospitalised me in Naas Hospital, I’d to get my hand plastered, they wanted me to stay and meet with social workers in the morning, but my children were still in the house,” Meav said.
She explained that her sister agreed to go back to her family home and stay in the sitting room with her for the night, with the two arriving at around 2 am in the morning.
“Mark just got up the next morning and made a cup of coffee, and said hello to my sister,” she said, adding that if she attacked someone, she would not be able to sleep for a week.
“He always minimised everything, and that’s the emotional abuse, that’s what made me and the boys feel that we were losing our minds,” she said.
She said that when she made her victim impact statement in court, the judge told her “you are in control,” and that when she walked up to the box, she reminded herself of that.
Meav said that she now feels “free” knowing that her abuser will be in prison for years.
“There is still something in the back of my mind, because he was so arrogant, I still do think, surely in years to come he will stay away,” she said.
Speaking to women who may have been listening this morning who may be in an abusive situation currently Meav said: “Lean in to the supports, even if you are afraid to go, they are so flexible, like my GP said, just ring, you don’t have to identify yourself, little bits and pieces of contact will help you move forward and make a plan.”
“I cannot say enough for some of the services that have worked with my kids,” Meav said.
“I have had people who work with women who say we hear this time and time again, the men seem to operate in the same way, the charities and supports that work with women are very well versed and they really understand so they will listen, and they will support you,” she said.
Meav said she is back in college, going to start a new career, and looking for a new house.
“I’m looking ahead,” she said.
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