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IN A BUSY BAR, a man approaches a woman and offers to buy her a drink, placing his hand on her bare back. She repeatedly declines and visibly recoils from his touch.
Though it may be a sight you’ve seen before, it isn’t from your average Friday night – it’s a recent ad from The Department of Justice and Equality that aimed to “question our responses to a range of sexual harassment and potential sexual violence scenarios which are endemic in our society.” So explained Minister for Justice and Equality Charlie Flanagan, when the ad was launched earlier this year.
A major study by WIN World Survey 2018 suggests that scenes like this are all too common. Almost a third of women aged 18-34 said they had experienced some form of sexual harassment in the last year – the highest in Europe. In the countries surveyed, 4% of males reported sexual harassment in the last year.
As Minister Flanagan explained, “Ireland suffers from disturbingly high levels of sexual harassment and sexual violence” and the ads are designed to tackle this: “[They] consider the extent to which we excuse or ‘explain away’ incidents when we see them.”
The campaign tackles one essential question: “Are we facilitating a culture in which it is really hard for victims to be heard, to be helped, to be supported?”
So, what does an expert say we can do about it? The people who perpetrate sexual violence are “depending on your silence and interpreting it as support”, says Dr Clíona Saidléar, executive director of Rape Crisis Network Ireland. Here are the facts.
“It’s fairly difficult to find a woman who hasn’t had an experience of sexual violence because it’s become so prevalent”, says Dr Saidléar. This she says can include “unwanted groping, someone rubbing their penis against you in a nightclub or on a bus.”
The term encompasses “all unwanted contact or threatened contact of a sexual nature”, and she reminds that “if you were to grab someone in a nightclub without their consent, be it their crotch or their breasts, that is defined as sexual assault.”
While European-wide research from the EU Agency for Fundamental Rights found that over one in four (26%) women in Ireland have experienced physical or sexual violence at least once since the age of 15, Dr Saidléar says that other studies have placed that figure higher.
For example, the Sexual Abuse and Violence in Ireland (SAVI) Report says that 42% of women reported some form of sexual abuse or assault in their lifetime, with over a quarter (28%) of men reporting the same. Last year, 3,182 sex crimes were recorded by gardaí - a 26% increase on 2017.
For Dr Saidléar, it’s a worry “how casual sexual assault has become in our social spaces” and reminds that “it’s never OK, it’s always against the law and you don’t have to accept it”: She explains:
If you’re in a pub, night club, street, school corridor, grabbing people (particularly women) by their bum or crotch has become more common.
So, what role do we as witnesses to it have to play in stopping it? Dr Saidléar says that it’s about having no tolerance for any form of sexual violence: “If we don’t pay attention to where the bar is, it keeps raising and only gets more and more serious.”
There is a very important reason why this campaign is appealing to the public to challenge all sexual violence: “If we only talk about rape, we miss its connection with our everyday lives, where all of this is happening.” Dr Saidléar reminds that while 97% of us agree that sexual violence is wrong, most of us don’t question what we can do about it.
There’s also a very practical reason why this is where we should challenge these behaviours, explains Dr Saidléar: “It’s more important we notice it at a lower bar because this is where it’s safer to name it and intervene, to say I’m not OK with what I see.”
One of the first scenes shown in the campaign depicts a female manager massaging her male colleague’s shoulders. It challenges us to ask, ‘Is this OK?’. Situations like this in a work context can be difficult but Saidléar reminds that there are designs in place to protect you.
She reminds, “one of the first steps is that you have to feel confident enough to say that you’re uncomfortable – that’s enough”. In this instance, she advises to talk directly to the person (if you feel comfortable), HR or a supervisor or alternatively, you may just want to call the gardaí: “There’s nothing stopping you – you don’t have to handle it in-house.”
Those who commit sexual violence “behave in a predatory sort of way that they think they’ll get away with it from the rest of the community”, says Dr Saidléar. What can be very powerful is to demonstrate very simply that you’re not OK with it, using phrases such as ‘I wouldn’t be comfortable if you did that to me’, which create safety for everyone.
Fortunately, in the context of a nightclub, both bar and security staff are generally well trained to be proactive in getting you safe or to intervene before the situation escalates. If you yourself aren’t safe enough to get their attention, Dr Saidléar says to “find an ally – reach out to someone to indicate you need them to go to the bar or security staff.”
A section of the campaign also features a male partner becoming pushy about sex towards his female partner. When this is happening with people you know, it can be a very difficult situation, says Dr Saidléar: “You have an ongoing relationship with your friend, just as they have with their partner”.
In this situation, your number one job is to “stay available to them” explains Dr Saidléar: “You’re their support. You want to ensure that you’re a safe person to trust that doesn’t isolate them”. She reminds not to be judgemental – check in with ‘that would make me a bit uncomfortable, does it make you uncomfortable?’”
If you’re unsure how to intervene, the Rape Crisis Helpline and the gardaí can both advise you. Or you can go to gov.ie/noexcuses for more information.
The most important takeaway for Dr Saidléar is that we have to be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable: “People who are responsible for sexual violence are depending on your silence and interpreting it as support.”
At the very least, Dr Saidléar reminds that we have a role to tell them we’re not in agreement, but this can extend in both telling the gardaí and ultimately removing yourself from that friendship:
We all have a role in this and our role is quite simple – we need to make sure that any assumption they have that their behaviour is OK, isn’t OK with you. This can be so powerful in helping to reduce sexual violence.
Think you could play a bigger role in helping to stop sexual violence? ‘No Excuses’ is a major awareness campaign that challenges us to question our responses to a range of sexual harassment and potential sexual violence scenarios. It also asks us to stop excusing the incidents that we do see. Find out more at gov.ie/noexcuses.
My manager gives me a creepy shoulder rub, and it’s ok for me to call the Gardaí?
Did I get that bit right?
@James Brady: funny is it?
@James Brady: Did you tell them to stop?
@James Brady: If you told him to stop and he doesn’t then yes
@Siobh Mcgrane: this comment wins the day.
@James Brady: Yes you did and it’s comments like yours which keep people silent.
If the the roles were reversed and a woman done the same to me in a nightclub, like in the ad and I reported it . I would be laughed at . So I’d like to see ads of similar scenarios with the woman doing the touching.
@Gabriel Holmes: “One of the first scenes shown in the campaign depicts a female manager massaging her male colleague’s shoulders. It challenges us to ask, ‘Is this OK?’. ”
If your first instinct is to dismiss the entire issue with a “what about me” whinge then you make it clear you have zero problem with what is going on. in fact it would appear you only care about deflecting attention from the problem.
Changing attitudes has to happen across the board. No one is suggesting women can molest others without censure. But you cannot deny that women deal with unwanted touching and groping way more than men do.
But I can tell you what will NOT stop the situation you describe. Ignoring it which seems to be what you’re going for with your comment here.
@Gabriel Holmes: I have got pinched by women on nights out countless times, laughed it off…..
@Peter Hughes: Your point is?
@Diarmuid Hunt: Do you think these women should be locked up?
@Peter Hughes: Did I say that? Were these women bigger and stronger than you? What were the circumstances? Is all pinching if bottoms the exact same or is there different circumstances and nuance? Your reductive comment was ill-thought out and just because you’ve had someone pinch you and you laughed it off doesn’t mean that everyone else should just laugh it off, especially since your circumstances are not the same as everybody else’s. Obviously since you laughed it off it didn’t matter much to you, you can’t apply how you felt about it to everyone else. I’ve had my arse pinched while out and it made no difference to me, I’ve also had much worse done, not by a woman, and it affects me to this day, think before you type.
@Diarmuid Hunt: First interesting comment you’ve ever made.Would you like to elaborate on that.
@Lionheart1: In your opinion. What would you like me to elaborate upon?
@Diarmuid Hunt: Your experiences not by a women.
@Lionheart1: Why should I tell you the specifics on a public platform?
@Diarmuid Hunt: No reason at all,but why bother mentioning it.
@Lionheart1: To show that there are different circumstances and situations and one person can experience more than one and come from a place of understanding. Why bother questioning it?
@Diarmuid Hunt: Because Its never bothered me. Man or Women I’ve always found it flattering.I appreciate women can get upset but as a man I deal with it.
@Lionheart1: You didn’t question the pinching, you questioned what happened that was worse so your answer makes no sense. I’ve had advances from men while out too, never bothered me. What happened that was worse happened when I was younger, not in a position to defend myself in the same way as I am now. We all experience the world differently, I cannot fully understand what it’s like to be a woman while out having unwanted advances or groping but I can understand what it is like to be in a position where you have no power over what has happened to you and how that can change the situation entirely. Surely although you cannot know exactly how that feels you can use your imagination and sympathise to some extent.
@Diarmuid Hunt: I can and I apologise if it caused you any upset.I didn’t realise we were going down that route.
@Lionheart1: No need to apologise, I haven’t said anything here that would make me uncomfortable or cause me upset and neither have you. I just wish we all had a little bit more sympathy and tried to see how things are from other people’s perspectives, even if we can’t understand them fully, rather than disregard their experiences.
@Maria Dardis: Not trying to make a mockery of the subject.You obviously have to use insults to get your point across.That makes you rude with a capital R.
@Peter Hughes: no.. U should be.
@Peter Hughes: If the person being pinched is uncomfortable and asked the woman to stop and she doesn’t then yes she should be charged.
I’d a conversation with an older man recently. I asked him if he’d ever called out behaviour from his friends when HE believed it crossed the line. He said no, he hadn’t and it had never occurred to him that he should.
It is THAT attitude that needs to change. Silence makes you complicit. Call out your pals when they do sh!t that is obviously out of order. We should ALL be doing that.
I think saying that staff member in a club will protect you from harassment is quite an overstatement, when it happened to me they were always pretty complacent or just turning a blind eye, but yes, in want of a better solution, it’s worth giving it a try
Cowards and sleaze merchants thrive on the silence of others . Call them out every-time and don’t put up with abuse of any kind , you deserve to be treated respectfully.
@Ciaran105: The problem is when you call them out they call you frigid, a virgin, a lesbian, an ice queen or some other slur. When you’re young and inexperienced in life this can be incredibly difficult to stand up to or even to ignore. I was a very shy and naive person when I was younger. I was also very slim with large breasts. This made me a target for every sleaze bag out there and destroyed my confidence. Because it was so socially acceptable there was no recourse or no one to talk to about it. I’m a lot older and wiser now but I still remember the pain and loneliness of my late teens and twenties. It’s easy to say don’t put up with it but very hard to put into practice until this behaviour becomes socially unacceptable. Hopefully this ad campaign can go a long way towards this…
There should be no excuse for sexual harrassment/violence anywhere but what is flirting for one person may be intimidating to another. Dressing down is always a woman’s prerogative and every woman must know that it does suggest an element of availability. What we need is the universal acceptance that a polite ‘No Thanks’ might not be a total put down but if it is followed by a flat ‘No’, then it becomes one.
@Denis McClean: What’s the difference between polite “No” and flat “No”?
Do you even comprehend that a large number of women very carefully couch their language so as not to p!ss off guys? Are you really saying that HOW a woman says “no” is the issue here and not that we’ve learned that saying “no” rarely ends a discussion. It is, usually, only the start of what could almost be described as a debate.
I don’t even want to TOUCH the “Dressing down is always a woman’s prerogative and every woman must know that it does suggest an element of availability.” part of your speech! (I also assume you meant “dressing up” and not “dressing down”). We can’t just want to look nice? Don’t you dress up because you want to look nice? Are you advertising your “availability”? Do people listen when you say “No”? I bet they do.
@Denis McClean: A woman, or man, can cartwheel down the street naked and all it does is suggest they want to cartwheel naked. It does not suggest their availability. Also, perhaps walk away after the first no in romantic situations, whether polite or not instead of trying to wear someone down to a yes. The first no means exactly the same as the second.
@Carol Oates: literally the stupidest statement I’ve even seen!
When men and women are at a bar they know why they are there, and if a woman is scantily clad…she knows exactly what she is doing!
If you believe otherwise you’re mental!
@Bumder: You’ve never gone to the bar with your friends just to have a drink with your friends? N.B clothing or lack thereof does not mean it’s open season.
@Bumder: People are absolutely allowed enjoy time with friends in bars, and dress to please themselves and feel good without some sleeze thinking it’s is an invitation.
@Carol Oates: Oops. I seem to have touched a raw nerve with feminists who insist on showing skin but who object to men or for that matter, women who ‘Happen’ to notice. The debate about a woman ‘Looking Nice’ while also freezing to death on Irish winter ‘Nights Out’ won’t be contained here. In short, no-one should ever embarrass a lady but ladies shouldn’t be naive enough to assume that every admirer is Mr/Ms. Right. It’s always been that way.
@Denis McClean: BTW. Cartwheeling down the street naked is illegal for multiple reasons.
@Denis McClean: She never said it was legal…
Why “particularly women” Dr Saidlear?
@WreckDefier: “A major study by WIN World Survey 2018 suggests that scenes like this are all too common. Almost a third of women aged 18-34 said they had experienced some form of sexual harassment in the last year – the highest in Europe. In the countries surveyed, 4% of males reported sexual harassment in the last year.”
Nearly 33% of women aged 18-34 and 4% of men.
Pretty sure that is a good reason to use the phrase “particularly women”. Would you really disagree? Can I ask why you would disagree?
Do you not believe that women are more likely to be sexually harassed and sexually assaulted than men? No one is saying men aren’t just that it’s more prevalent for women.
Ask your family and friends. How many more of your female relations / friends have stories versus your male.
@Bob Earner: Statistics are all very well but what about all the men who feel
too embarrassed to come forward, not to mention a whole lot of other reasons for keeping quiet.
We will probably never know the REAL truth. Unless we do, the phrase “particularly women” is inaccurate.
@WreckDefier: You are under the assumption that the surveys weren’t anonymous? And if they were there would be many many more men coming forward, yes?
And you DO believe that women aren’t the main group that are harassed and assaulted.
Thank you for clarifying.
Maybe you should take my advice and ask your friends and family. You seem resistant to listening to anyone that would potentially counter your already decided on opinion.
@Bob Earner: about 15 yrs ago I was in a club when I got groped from behind. I turned and there was a group of girls laughing etc. To be honest I felt awful and didn’t know what to do so I just walked away. I can only imagine this is magnified for women when it happens to them. I should also say I was married with late teen kids at the time and also I’m a Garda. So if I felt helpless anyone would. Lads I told in work etc just laughed and thought I should feel complimented. There is a problem there in ALL our attitudes as a society and these ads may help someway
@Mick Murphy: I’m sorry that happemd to you. It shouldn’t have. And I’m genuinely not minimising it when I say that was one incident 15 years ago. Many women can list out multiple incidents over the course of their lives. We don’t have one story (even though one is bad enough) to we have many. And that’s the sad reality.
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