We need to talk about the daily struggle of parenting with ADHD

PARENTING IS NEVER easy. Between the school runs, endless forms, meal planning, and general chaos of family life, there is always something demanding our attention. But for some parents, there’s an extra layer of difficulty – one that often goes unnoticed.

I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, nearly eight years into my parenting journey, and suddenly, so much made sense. It explained why parenting felt like it took so much more effort for me than it seemed to for other people.

I’d watch other parents juggle their responsibilities, remembering PE days, filling out forms on time, meal planning with ease, and keeping the small, daily tasks ticking along. I assumed everyone found it as exhausting as I did, that this was just part of the parenting experience. But I began to realise that, for me, these tasks weren’t just tiring—they were overwhelming.

At work, I could manage teams, break down complex ideas, and present at professional conferences with ease. I have two master’s degrees and an undergraduate degree, and I’ve always excelled in my career. But at home, the most basic tasks – sorting school bags, putting the right lunch in the right box, remembering where I left my car keys – felt impossible.

I could give a well-structured, articulate presentation in the morning and then spend two hours in a car park that evening, completely unable to remember where I had parked. I could write detailed research papers but struggle to unload the dishwasher because the steps felt too scattered in my mind.

This constant juxtaposition between capability and struggle left me feeling frustrated, guilty and inadequate. How could I be so competent in some areas of life but feel like I was failing at the basics?

Rarely spoken about – or researched

ADHD in parents is massively under-researched and rarely spoken about. ADHD often runs in families, with research indicating that when a child has ADHD, there’s a significant likelihood that at least one parent may also have the condition. This genetic component makes understanding parental ADHD particularly crucial for supporting whole families effectively.

Additionally, we’re seeing a significant rise in adult ADHD diagnoses, particularly among women. Historical underdiagnosis, especially in girls who often present symptoms differently than boys, has led to many parents discovering their own ADHD only after becoming parents themselves or when their children receive a diagnosis. This late-life diagnosis can be both empowering and challenging as parents navigate both their own ADHD and their parenting responsibilities simultaneously.

We know alot about how ADHD affects children, but what about their parents? How does ADHD shape family life, relationships, stress, and sleep? And just as importantly, what about parents who don’t have ADHD – how does their experience compare?

Through my work, I’ve seen that when parents better understand ADHD in their children, family life improves. But even when the parent-child relationship gets better, many parents are still struggling themselves – sometimes without realising why. Parenting is demanding for everyone, but ADHD can add extra pressure, impact sleep, and make managing the mental load of daily life even harder.

That’s why I’m doing PhD research at Dublin City University (DCU) to capture the real experiences of parents in families where they feel ADHD traits are present – whether they themselves have been diagnosed with ADHD or not.

We need more dads to take part

Most parenting research focuses on mothers, but ADHD doesn’t just affect mums. There are so many dads out there who are struggling in silence, feeling frustrated, disconnected or overwhelmed – without realising that ADHD could be a key factor.

If you’re a dad and you’ve ever felt like you just can’t keep up, that parenting seems harder than it should, or that your partner carries more of the mental load because you find it hard to stay on top of things – this research is for you too.

If you’re a parent – with diagnosed ADHD or not -  who feels your family is being impacted, I’d love for you to take part in this study. It is completely anonymous, takes 40-60 minutes and both parents can take part, if applicable.

• You can watch this short video to learn more about the research – and take the survey here.

If you can, please share this with other parents too, especially dads. Your experiences can help shape better support for families like ours. It’s time to stop the cycle of undiagnosed ADHD in parents. By understanding the challenges parents face, we can build stronger families and make sure no parent is left feeling like they are not enough.

Thank you for your time and support!

Karen Beckett is a PhD Researcher at Dublin City University; her project is funded by Research Ireland. Updates on Instagram at @adhdparentinghub