On World Autism Awareness Day, Lisa Domican – the mother of two children with autism – explains how society can help autistic people with some simple steps…
IN MY WORLD, every day is Autism Awareness day. I don’t think a day has gone by when I didn’t think, type or say the word. But you can help to give me and my two kids a break from their autism for a day.
Of course you can’t take away their autism – it is who they are and we all accept it. However, you can help reduce the challenges that make having living with autism in a world designed for “normal” people so stressful. And, it won’t cost you a cent. I just want you to consider ‘the 3 As’: Awareness, Acceptance and making Allowances.
Autism is no longer a hidden disorder. You will find people with autism in your school, your supermarket, the local playground, the cinema and in your workplace. Autism does not necessarily effect intelligence but it is a sensory disability that can effect sight, sound, smells, touch, taste, balance and motor planning, attention and perceptions.
So, if you see someone flapping and hooting in the foyer of your local McDonalds, don’t worry, they might be someone with autism who is really looking forward to their chicken nuggets as flapping is often an expression of excitement and happiness.
However if you see someone with their hands over their ears, there is a good chance that the queues and the noise are causing them distress, and they have chosen to block it out – a way of self-soothing. Understanding this and explaining it to your family makes it easier for that family to be part of their community.
We’re here, we’re quirky, get used to it!
Firstly we need to be accepted by our families and our community. Getting a diagnosis of autism is a difficult enough journey without everyone telling you that your child will grow out of it. They are not naughty, we are not bad parents, and is not because they watch too much TV. It is a neurological condition and the sooner you all get on board, the easier it will be for someone to accept it and move on with getting quality help. People with autism and their families need acceptance by society. Autism is not a cause or a privilege that we should have to fight to have properly recognised and resourced. We shouldn’t have to depend on charity and hand-outs to get the infrastructure that makes inclusion possible.
Autistic children do not “evolve” into something else. Yes, early intervention allows for the better outcomes, but autistic children will become autistic adults. Accept it, plan for it, and provide as much or as little support as necessary to give people like my son meaningful lives. Autism was here for the last election and it will be here for the next one and the next one after that.
Put your chequebook away because the greatest gift you can give a person with autism (and their family) is your place in a queue. Queuing like so many social situations can cause anxiety for people with autism because it involves so many variables that we, and I include myself in this, cannot control. I can just about cope if I have a smart phone to play with but it causes my son considerable distress and we have had many a “meltdown” either during or just after a queuing situation.
We still go out, as anyone who follows my Twitter feed will know. The trick is to go where people make allowances. Our favourite cinema has an online booking system so you can collect your tickets from a machine. We go when it is quiet and, where possible, the manager will give us an upgrade to the VIP area so we have a “buffer zone’ where my son can indulge in his audio commentary without disturbing the other patrons.
When we go for noodles afterwards, the staff give us a booth and usually have our drinks order ready on the table by the time we get back from the special needs accessible toilet as my son can’t use the men’s room on his own (at age 15, with a full beard, he tends to stand out in the ladies room).
When we sit down the service is fast, efficient and attentive without being invasive. I am conscious of the other diners – they have paid good money for a meal out so I encourage my son to use his “inside voice” and keep his iPhone on low volume while he watches his YouTube clips.
I’ve also heard of a supermarket where the manager opened an extra till to allow the mother of a girl with autism to get her groceries and get out, just before her daughter was about to meltdown. They even helped her bring the trolley to the car. My friend told me about a “low fares” airline that allows last minute-boarding for passengers with special needs and their assistance dogs, with space reserved in the overhead lockers for their luggage – a huge luxury at no extra charge.
These allowances make more things possible for people with autism and their families, and you can be sure we give such companies our loyalty. We have been going to that noodle restaurant for 14 years, so making allowances for all abilities can be good business too.
Those of us living with autism may be celebrating today, but tomorrow we will still be here. People with autism may be living with challenges but they are enriching our world. They are making us smarter, more connected through technology, more tolerant, patient, they are giving us a more interesting outlook, and showing us every day how much love we have inside us.
Happy World Autism Day, from the Domicans.
Lisa Domican is a Wicklow-based mother of two autistic children. She developed a simple picture communication app in collaboration with a successful games developer that allows non verbal people with autism and other disabilities to communicate effectively. Learn more about the app here.
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