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WE WERE OUT on the town the other night, my friends and I.
While it might be tempting to imagine us as a parade of giggling nitwits or devoted enthusiasts of the Sex and the City lifestyle, our trajectory was more along the lines of pints, flats and guffawing. On any given night you’re likely to spot drifting swarms of dolled-up lasses on the pull, but for every towering heeled lady dressed to impress there’s another two who’ve brushed their hair and called that a triumph. We were out to meet up, share some stories and have a gargle, so on this occasion the false lashes and bodycons were left at home.
We drank and laughed in a couple of pubs without incident. It was pushing one in the morning and none of us were ready to go home, so we decided to hit the late bars to continue the craic and maybe, should the mood take us, bust some moves on the dancefloor.
I can’t say ‘big mistake’, because there’s no way we didn’t see it coming, but I guess we all thought we were long enough in the tooth to deal with it and casually dressed enough to discourage it. No sooner had we arrived in the door of our chosen late night establishment than the aggravation began. Stares, wandering hands, ill-coordinated gestures, and some incomprehensible mumbles – it was the drunken suitors brigade, and they were out in force.
There’s no law against going on the pull. Hell, it should be encouraged. Where else are you going to meet potential lip-lockers with their lucky pants on, smelling like Beyoncé or wearing the entire Lynx back catalogue in one heady burst? The social atmosphere and alcohol-loosened inhibitions are conducive to meeting new people and who knows, you may even be lucky enough to still fancy them in the morning.
And this is no concession to Samantha Brick levels of delusion, either. The only thing striking about me is the palm of my hand, and while my friends and I certainly weren’t sporting Zoolander’s Derelicte line, neither were we rockin’ the stomach-in/boobs-out look. We were so relatively plain we might as well have been undercover.
Is there any known deterrent?
And yet they came. Would-be ladies’ men, gripping their pint glasses like bars of wet soap, tongue-tied by Dutch courage and the indignant assumption that they’ll fail no matter what they say. Despite the fact that we weren’t gazing around us with sultry eyes and fluttering lashes, despite our being deep in conversation, despite what our body language screamed, drunken eejits approached, one after the other, like a circle of thugs in a bad kung-fu flick.
And it wasn’t as if they had anything to say – they didn’t. They approached, gurgled something unintelligible, looked plaintive, and shuffled off again (sometimes with a garbled insult) after being persistently ignored for, oh, five awkward minutes?
This isn’t unusual. It’s something many women come to expect of a late night out. Nor is it confined to male irritants; I’ve been approached and annoyed by fluthered lesbians, and while I don’t have any anecdotal evidence to suggest that men are also subjected to the misdirected affections of drunk women, it’s certainly not outside the realms of possibility (though it’s still frowned upon for a woman to be so sexually direct, so it’s not a stretch to suggest this doesn’t happen quite as often).
To be clear, we’re not talking here about charming chaps lubricated by a few social pints and approaching with friendly intent; we’re strictly on about the drunken fools who stick their hands up passing ladies’ skirts, waffle in their ears despite strong indications that the subject is uncomfortable, and follow them around clubs in the hope that their chosen target has the memory of a goldfish or amazingly cyclical romantic preferences.
What makes people do this?
It’s genuinely strange. Even taking into account the dulled response times and leeching tact brought about by a few too many gin and tonics, why would anyone approach a person in a club who’s clearly not interested in speaking with them? Who’s dressed in the manner of a plain clothes police officer, oblivious to hungry eyes and giving off all of the signals of the oft-called-upon ‘Please Leave Me Alone Unless My Hair’s On Fire’ method.
Genuine question: what possesses a presumably functional adult to turn into a cumbersome, leering oaf armed to annoy the largest amount of potential romantic partners in the shortest amount of time?
Of course alcohol has something to do with it, but it’s not as simple as that. Many a sozzled person has attended a public shindig without getting thrown out for groping other partygoers, so while the lost inhibitions of the pickled may contribute towards the reason, they’re not the entire story either. Is it the first world culture of entitlement? Is it the highly sexualised society we live in, encouraging the less intuitive amongst us to assume everyone’s available for illicit encounters, whether or not they appear to invite proposals? Is it that some people are just… a bit stupid?
One thing’s certain – being propositioned by drunken people is an recreational hazard in Ireland. Such is life. But you’d have to wonder whether those who wake up alone on Sunday mornings with a pounding head and a gnawing feeling that they might have been a bit over-the-top in their hormonal escapades are ever a little bit mortified? Or is the single-minded, single-malted, singularly irritating pursuit of one’s chosen gender on a Saturday night nothing to be embarrassed about at all?
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My god what a load of pony. Guys (for the most part) are horny creatures and even more so on a night out. Some need a bit of liquid courage and others dont. I bet if you went out and no one hit on you you would be even more pissed off.
I don’t supposed you’ve ever shoved your hand up a girl’s skirt on a night out and thought, “If I didn’t do it, she’d be insulted”? have you? Oddly enough, sometimes we don’t find it that flattering. And painting all men as semi-rabid creatures who can’t control their sexual urges in public is pretty insulting to your sex.
Deep in the primal part of their brains (yes, they do have a brain) men are psychologically programmed to reproduce at all costs. Daily socially acceptable behaviour dictates that men must keep that urge under control. Add a skin full of pints and socially acceptable behaviour goes out the window. Unfortunately so does gross motor function and the ability to reason. The result ? A man intent on reproducing with anything female that has a heartbeat, blended with complete lack of ability to appeal to a womans programming which is to find the ideal long term mate and provider. I think that’s it in a nutshell really. It’s messy.
You sound just like me hubby! I’m going to agree with you that men just can’t help it…..I mostly find it amusing when men in their varying degrees of drunkeness attempt to woo you with ‘hiya luv, out with the girls?’ D’oh! Cue incomprehensible muttering and an attempt to suppress a beer burp in your face… although the times when you get knocked over on the dancefloor with half a pint of Guinness poured all over ya just cos some eejit tries to bump up against your arse is less appealing. And I also think most women single or not, like to report the next day that they got chatted up even if it was by some incontinent drooling Neanderthal. It’s good for the soul!
Unless he’s gay…
… or to paraphrase Oscar Wilde – the only thing worse than being propositioned is not being propositioned.
This ugly girl came up to me in the pub last night and said:
“Hey stud, what’s the chances of me getting you in the sack tonight?”
“Absolutely none at all!! ” I laughed.
“You’re so wrong!” she said, as she took aim and kicked me in the balls.
I bet if it was a Ryan Reynolds lookalike with his booze on, “getting harassed on a night out” wouldn’t be an issue.
A close friend of mine is the image of him….only probably better looking…he is gay and has both men and women fawning over him all the time. Lucky (ahem) bugger!
There is a one word answer to the why do they do this question? Alcohol.
Personaly I would have gone with– Desperation.
I never knew women said the words “going out for a gargle”.
Getting more like us males every day, Have you seen the SheWee? http://www.donationcoder.com/forum/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=16974.0;attach=67810;image
Ladies don’t use that term, but some women do. Nothing less attractive than seeing a woman with a pint glass in her hand. Seems very butch, those type of women should be thankful any man is willing to approach the, drunk or otherwise.
@Damien… Would you get a grip of yourself. Because the sole reason a woman ventures outside is to attract a man… o_O Any man who is frightened away by the sight of a woman with a pint isn’t much of a man at all.
@ Siobhan Schnittger………..Oh Relax Siobhan would ya! 1: I never said I was Frightened away, I said it I found it personally unattractive, to see a women with a Pint glass, or to use the phrase in the article itself,” going out for a gargle”. 2: You seem to have taken the comment very personally, so I am to assume you are one of these women who regularly go out to have a gargle from a Pint glass. ( are you single still by any chance? ) 3: Am I not entitled to my opinion? am I not entitled to prefer or be more attracted to women with a bit of class? who sip their drinks, rather than gargle? Who laugh, instead of cackle loudly and obnoxiously in the corner with their other pint drinking single female friends? 4: This is an article by a women, judging the behaviour of men on a night out, I was just doing the same thing.
Damo, I am zen ;) Happily married actually and in fact I don’t drink all that often this weather. Have to say I find a cute girl with a pint one of the most attractive things in the world. And a person with a boisterous, infectious laugh will do it for me every time. Horses for courses eh? I wouldn’t be so rude as to make assumptions about your sex life, though it appears you don’t particularly care for the company of women much save for assert your heterosexuality. Anywhoozle… I gotta run. I have a ritual bra burning at Dalkey beach at 3. Toodles!
@Siobhan………Your very Zen, yet you felt the need to justify yourself to me, your relationship status and mindset. Google Zen there for yourself would you. Enjoy your day.
God Damien… You’re a catch. Can I have your number?
People want what they can’t have. Id say subconsciously they know the girls are not out on the pull and think to try their luck. It’s all about the challenge.
I believe Mr. Moran above hit the nail on the head. However I would also posit that Ms. McInerney has never been on the recieving end of a boozed up Hen Night nor (as I once had the misfortune) witnessed the antics of a group of drunken women presented with male strippers, so the line contrasting horny boozed up men, and women in a similar state is just a tiny bit more smudged I think
Must agree…I used to work in a pub that was very popular with hen nights etc. Cringe! I see lots of drunken women attempting to chat up men too, funny to watch the carnage.
….class! I feel another Best Seller hitting the shelves ..
I would have to question your choice of establishment. This sort of thing happens in the meat market type of late night places and I just wouldn’t go to places like that even if I was on the pull. There’s plenty of bars that are fine but when you decide to go to a club until the early hours of the morning surprise surprise there’s going to be drunk people there. And some of them will be obnoxious but the groping you speak of is unique to only the dingiest dives if u ask me. Maybe you should question your decision to go somewhere like this in the first place. I certainly wouldn’t be going somewhere like that if I wanted to keep to myself and my friends. Just deal with it or don’t go there again. It’s not rocket science.
A man tried to grope me one night and when I pushed him off threw his pint over me so I hit him. Got a bit of a telling off from a bouncer but he deserved it.
It’s embarrassing as a male to hear stories like these, but we are not all the same. I don’t go out as much as I used to, but I have noticed an increase in aggression in general on the nights when I do. Maybe they are all symptoms of the same problem – an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, or a feeling of loss of control in our lives in general?
No, you’re just getting old Mark, next thing you know it’ll be too noisy in the nightclub. Better quit while you’re ahead, you don’t want to be the old creepy guy on the dance floor: that’s my job!
Well done Lj!
So… Nice dress! ,Do you come here to comment often? :)
I also thought that this was “normal” albeit annoying behaviour that you just had to put up with on nights out… but after my Erasmus year in France I realised that it is not normal, and not acceptable for lads to grope their way around the nightclub just because they’ve had a few too many & its after 2am!!! this is not something that is accepted in most places!! I was mortified when I had a group of mostly Dutch friends to visit &I had to warn them that at about 1.30/2am there would be drunk guys trying their luck (ie..they realised that unless they got their hands on something they would be ending up in a taxi for one in a few minutes…)…they were totally appalled and I had to agree. it’s embarrassing.
“Is it that some people are just… a bit stupid?”
Yes. Most people really, in one way or another.
Its called The Carpet Bombing approach. in that 2 hour drunken haze (1am-3am) you hit on as many women as possible. you could get lucky straight away or hook up with some one as mashed as you in Abrakebabra on you 100th encounter. its more successful than chatting up a woman, getting to know them a little,sharing drinks and a few laughs and you think you are in, but she then says nice to meet you and heads off with her mates.
You’ve wasted some money and valuable time chasing easier targets.
As the night progress the pain of rejection lessens so you just push on and by the law of averages you will score.
(for all those seeking their soul mate join a yoga club)
Don’t tell me David, you’ve never hit on an ugly woman but you’ve woken up with a few?
nobody got injured or emotionally scared during the Carpet Bombing campaign. Damocles. and to answer your question…i have no regrets.
Carpet bombing, or Shock and Awe? :)
that was usually in the morning Mark.
Man those guys must have been seriously drunk!
I’m more surprised at how acceptable it is for guys to grope girls on a night out than the fact that a few socially inept lads don’t get the message. I’ve seen and experienced some things that could be classified as sexual assault, and yet everyone seems to just accept it as “lads being lads”. Creepy.
Yes, it’s kind of horrible and sometimes scary!
Interesting topic. I don’t in any way condone drunken lecherous behaviour. That said a woman with the courage to go chat up a guy she fancies is a rare woman. Many are old fashioned and expect the man to always make the first move. And if the guy isn’t to their liking they tell them so, often in a brutal and discorteous way.
No! Why should someone have to leave because someone else is so drunk they can’t keep their hands to themselves! I’d rather stick up for myself and be thought of as a “bitch” than let some guy feel like he can do what he likes to me! I’d like to hear how men deal with unwanted attention from women just out of curiosity?
I usually shag with them, after that I never hear from them again.
The issue is rarely the “getting hit” on part, it’s the “not getting the message” part. There seems to be no way to get through that someone is wasting their time and if you finally resort to just being plain rude you’re suddenly a massive b!tch. Most of the time the only way to deal with the situation is to leave. Is that fair?
let me get this straight Lisa. if you are not dressed up to the nines you do not want to be approached and want to be left alone. this would lead one to believe that you wear the “false eye lashes and body con dresses” when you do want attention. I thought women these days were constantly giving out about the fact that society are over sexualising women these days? yet you only want attention when you are in your short dress etc. can’t have it both ways ladies.
So you have read the best seller than Michael?
Wayne I also spelt sociological incorrectly. Is that your best response, a typo??
A typo ?
I found it funny that you may have been trying to figure out what a furthered lesbian is, and thought you may have laughed when you realised she meant drunk, I wasn’t having a go at your ability to read, just that you made a mistake reading that word, but I may be having a go as to what you think a typo is, as I didn’t not highlight a typo, did I? Is that a better response?
you’re looking for a socialogical reasoning to something very basic. it’s just drink.. annoying maybe but try being one of the ‘futhering’ (what does that mean exactly??) lesbians trying to enjoy a night out with friends and being accosted by same said drunken eijits and upon polite refusal inviting a torrent of abuse.
irritation is all relative!
It means you read it wrong , there’s an L in fluthered
Probably because they are desperate sad losers.
I think if you had named the establishment it would have revealed a lot.
Also not all Irish women make a big effort when they are going out on the pull.
Some are so lazy they make very little effort safe in the knowledge they will get hit on anyway and still get what they came for, a one night stand.
Is this considered news??? should you not just keep it for your own diary? I guess there is nothing going on in the summer so resort to gossip.
Not really Wayne. Comment on the article itself maybe? Also ironically you have made a typo.. Thought it was fluthered lesbian not furthered* unfortunate..
Comment on what i choose.
Maybe my typo was intentional.
So now you thought it was fluthered not furthered, stranger
Lol @myself (and you!)
Fluthered
Furthered
Futhering
Get a room…..
@ John F lol thankyou
I always hear from friends “go out and have a few drink” …
I guess that No one has the ‘right answer’… Beside this, I believe that an high percentage of people associate ‘fun’ with ‘alcohol’ … maybe they are just “LONELY” as it is very difficult in this “Open Worldwide World” to find TRUE human relationship. …and Please, do NOT think that wearing a certain kind make of a gear will/could be…discriminative !!!!!!!!! …Ops, Do not blame or talk about male only…woman are included in the ‘alcohol caldron’ ! -:)
@Wayne, maybe we both need to learn our spellings again?!
have your say