First Dates is easily the most human dating show we’ve ever seen, although admittedly most of us watch its fly-on-the-wall intimacy through our fingers. First Dates Ireland waitress Alice Marr writes us a guest column about love, romance, first dates and Valentine’s Day.
I’M NOT A dating expert. But from the eclectic assortment of dates I have been on, and all of the moments in the First Dates restaurant, I like to think I have picked up a few ideas about the dating world.
When it comes to how to behave with your date, as much as it sounds cliché, I really put an emphasis on being yourself. Do you ever notice that you find yourself attracted to people who are really at ease and comfortable in their skin, no matter what they might look like? Confidence and self-assurance is sexy.
So instead of putting all this energy into being who you think your date might want you to be, find ways to express the best parts of you. I would never complain or moan much on a date as who really wants to hear that. I tend to focus on the positive and on the real.
But don’t delve too deeply into the personal. There will be plenty of time for that if the relationship grows.
Embrace it, but be chill
From working on First Dates, I’ve learned that everyone gets nervous. No matter who you are, in that moment when you are waiting to meet your possible match, you’re bound to be nervous.
I would recommend getting something you know you will take your time drinking, so that you don’t accidentally drink a lot before getting to the main course. It’s lovely to have a drink or two as you ease into the date, but I would cap it there. We all know how we can get after having that one drink too many.
Low expectations
There are many people we may initially find attractive. But with time how many end up being compatible with us? When heading out for a date I would keep expectations to a minimum.
Yes, sometimes you can hope it will all go fantastically and you will never look at anyone else again, but sometimes being realistic is a necessity.
Try to enjoy yourself, have a laugh and see where it may or may not go. Sometimes it is just really fun to date and keep it relaxed without being enveloped in expectations.
Decoding body language
You can read a lot about a person by their physicality, the distance they create between themselves and you, as they connect with you and focus on you. Watch out too if every exterior stimuli is distracting them.
Everyone is different so obviously this is not a blanket statement. But if they are interested you can tell by how they are interacting with you verbally and physically.
While I am on a date there are certain indications that lead me to believe that the date isn’t working. If the other person seems to be paying me very little attention and not connecting with me, I think it either means that they are just not that interested or that maybe they are a little too interested in themselves. Both of those are warning signs for me not to pursue this any further.
I want to meet someone who is intrigued by me
This may seem harsh but sometimes in dating you have to be cut throat, so that you can foresee the car crashes before they happen.
When you know you don’t want to see the other person again, in my experience the best way to deal with it is clarity. Say directly that you don’t want to pursue it anymore. This way there are no mixed signals and other than mild rejection, any major hurt is avoided.
Mind games
In those exciting times when the date goes well (yay) I would try to gauge the possibility of us meeting again before we part. In the past I have allowed time pass and waited to see if they are interested enough to want to meet again. But at this stage I get a little tired of the games that we play when we are interested in someone.
Of course, you don’t want to come on too strong. It’s best to keep some of your cards close to your chest. But when you are both hitting it off, there is no reason to be afraid of saying that you’d like to see each other again.
So there you go, a little insight into Alice’s world of dating. This is what works for me, but as we know, every date is unique and comes with a different set of rules.
Alice Marr is a waitress on First Dates Ireland. She is currently in her final year studying Drama and Theatre in Trinity College Dublin and plans to continue acting after graduation. First Dates Ireland airs Thursdays at 9:30pm on RTÉ2.
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