“And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day.”

THIS LINE FROM Patrick Kavanagh’s poem “On Raglan Road”, is familiar to many of us, especially the version immortalised in song by Luke Kelly. It closes the first verse referring to the author’s unrequited love.

Those of us who have experienced grief caused by a bereavement will know only too well that it’s not transient like a falling leaf, but can be as lingering and resonant as a hauntingly beautiful song.

Every year 35,000 people die in Ireland, and for every person who dies 10 people are bereaved. You may have heard about the five stages of grief, but the reality is that every person’s grief journey is unique. Grief isn’t linear, there is no clear map and no easy way to navigate the experience.

Grief is a life experience that is as inevitable as death. Almost all of us will lose someone close to us at some point in our lives, and everyone will experience the resulting grief differently.

The grief we experience at the loss of a loved one is often said to be the result of how much we have loved someone, and the one thing people can agree on is that grief really hurts. Feelings can range from sadness to anger, to guilt, anxiety, loneliness and fatigue. The power of those emotions can be surprising and overwhelming.

Support is key

Bereavement and grief care is a key pillar of the work of the Irish Hospice Foundation and we are taking the lead in developing innovative and impactful programmes, resources and information sources to support people across Ireland. In a time of bereavement, family, friends, colleagues and communities are among the most important levels of support.

However, supporting people who are experiencing grief can be challenging. Despite how many of us are impacted by grief, finding the right words and knowing what support to offer can be difficult. Family, friends and colleagues want to show compassion and comfort but often don’t know what to say and fear saying the wrong thing. Sometimes it might feel like people want to fix it rather than acknowledge it.

Occasionally people will shy away from acknowledging your bereavement out of fear, this failure to address the subject can be just as problematic as saying the ‘wrong thing’.

The importance of how grief in all its forms impacts people will be discussed at the European Grief Conference (EGC), taking place in Dublin this week. It will bring together 400 researchers, practitioners and educators to learn share, collaborate and inspire each other in the development and implementation of effective and culturally sensitive bereavement care responses on an international level.

The conference will address a wide range of issues such as navigating grief in the workplace, supporting those who have experienced suicide loss, childhood bereavement, prolonged and complicated grief, and the role of culture shaping grief experiences.

We will all grieve

While grief is deeply personal, it is a shared human experience. This conference reminds us of the importance of fostering change in our workplaces and our communities. We spend a huge amount of time in the workplace. In the second quarter of this year, 2.75 million were employed in the Republic of Ireland. So, workplaces need bereavement policies which can acknowledge, support and signpost employees with their grief experience.

Grieving is not something that can be scheduled, and grief will accompany a person in all aspects of their day-to-day life, including the workplace. Research undertaken by Marie Curie in the UK in 2021 showed that a bereavement can have an enormous negative impact on employee health and wellbeing, and that policies and practices supporting employees, coupled with a compassionate approach by colleagues and managers, can make a significant difference to the grief experience.

To help address this challenge for employers and employees, the Irish Hospice Foundation has developed in-person workshops and e-learning programmes covering many aspects of personal and professional grief in workplace settings.

Educating ourselves and the wider community provides us with the opportunity to create the capacity for a more compassionate community. Leading to no one facing grief alone.

That is why we created Irish Hospice Foundation’s confidential Bereavement Support Line, in partnership with the HSE, to provide connection, comfort and support to those navigating loss. In addition, the Irish Hospice Foundation has, in collaboration with like-minded organisations, created bereavement networks and trainings.

Looking at grief through a wider lens than just health will allow us to better support the 35,000 people affected by grief here each year. This conference will help us understand grief and how best we can reach people and support them.

Grief is an inevitable part of life. By learning, connecting and showing compassion, we can all do our bit to ensure no one faces this journey alone. There is hope, even at the dawning of the darkest day.

Paula O’Reilly is the CEO of the Irish Hospice Foundation. The IHF Bereavement Support Line is open from 10am – 1pm Monday to Friday and can be accessed by calling 1800 80 70 77. Details of Irish Hospice Foundation’s programmes, information and supporting material can be found online at http://hospicefoundation.ie.