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“THE NEXT TIME – I swear I’ll eff the pervert out of it,” I said to my friend and colleague in the pharmacy where I work.
But ‘the next time’ came and went and still I didn’t tell that customer to ‘eff off’.
The incident, which happened repeatedly, went like this.
When I handed the patient his Viagra tablets, I was met with a comment of “sure I wouldn’t need these yokes if you were my pharmacist all the time”.
That was accompanied by a wink and the whole thing made me feel sick.
While part of me is able to laugh this off, it also makes me feels sick to my stomach. One inner voice says “ah sure he doesn’t know any better – different generation”, while another voice in my head wills me to call him out as a pervert.
You might not expect women to be subjected to sexually inappropriate comments while working as pharmacists in Ireland but it happens fairly often. Incredibly, the comment outlined above is on the milder end of the scale.
Of course, the majority of the public are courteous, wonderful people who enrich my workday, but this type of inappropriate comment is also surprisingly common.
This makes me wonder if my profession is unique – or is this what a lot of Irish women experience in the workplace?
Commonplace?
I’ve discussed this topic with female friends and colleagues and it seems that these sort of remarks are an expected, if eye-roll-inducing, part of everyday work for most women. They are seen as something to be laughed off.
It is only now after a few years working, and as my confidence in the workplace grows, that I have been struck by how absurd it is that modern women have to face this type of objectification.
And if it is so common, then why don’t we hear much talk about it?
We do discuss how to handle inappropriate behaviour in the workplace when the person is your colleague – but what if the offending party is your client, patient or customer?
Then you are into trickier territory.
A bit of craic?
When such comments are made to me, I have no idea how to handle them.
I am so taken aback and so caught off guard that all I can do is laugh awkwardly and manoeuvre myself out of the situation as soon as possible.
I hide in the back until the offending customer leaves the premises and then I return to work.
Sometimes I feel a little shaken, sometimes consumed with fury but usually, I just feel annoyed.
Do I report it to management? ‘Ah no, that would only be making a fuss’ I tell myself.
I’m sure this happens in lots of other countries, but I also feel there is an onus on Irish women to roll along with this type of ‘banter’.
Irish women often feel they can’t be seen to be ‘precious’, overly feminist or ‘no craic’ in the workplace.
They need to be seen to be able to handle themselves and take ‘the craic’ as much as any man.
But this means that the comments are made again and again without retaliation and so our response could even be seen as contributing to the behaviour continuing?
So what is the appropriate level of reaction?
An appropriate reaction
Should colleges and employers train their staff on how to handle inappropriate comments made by clients, patients or customers in a manner that is fitting?
What I am currently doing, which is awkwardly laughing off such situations and maybe making a joke out of it with friends in the pub on a Saturday night, is a definite inappropriate, under reaction.
But on the flip side, telling someone to ‘eff off’ or calling them a pervert (which I like to do in my head) might be an inappropriate, overreaction.
The solution must lie somewhere in-between.
Of course, it would be great if employers and educators developed best practice for responding to such incidents, but in the meantime, I think each of us should take responsibility for teaching people how to treat women in the workplace – and in life.
So next time it happens, I will steady myself and simply request the customer refrains from making such comments in future, it can’t be too hard right?
Watch this space…
Laura Farrell is a pharmacist and freelance writer living in Dublin.
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What is the point of commissioning these reports if the findings are not to be made public? Cover up for, protection of, and no one ever held accountable is always the outcome.
Who is colluding with whom to keep truth hidden, and WHY.
Stop baptising your children into an organisation with the worst human rights record of the last 1,500 years.
@Orla Smith: what are your thoughts about the 207 people murdered in Sri Lanka. It’s just that its becoming very obvious daily that you have a distinctive lust for hatred for a particular people of a particular religion.
@Dathi O Nualláin: Apologies for cutting in but my own personal thoughts is that they deserve better than for their tragic deaths to be used by a Catholic church apologist as a ‘whataboutery’ deflection vehicle
@The Risen: ah look , you do that yourself, it’s a useful tactic to say someone else is doing it. Apologies for cutting across , yeah right.
@Dathi O Nualláin: Example please of me doing it?
@The Risen: maybe, instead of rising you might just lie down and give your bias & bile a rest.
@Liam Mernagh: Surely a devout Christian like yourself is not advising somebody to not rise on easter Sunday??
@The Risen: defending the states involvement with mother and baby Homes. One day soon all of the nonsense you guys spew out is going to come back and kick you hard. Everytime guaranteed the same bunch of unhappy lefties arrive in the Journal comments section to particular topics and never is would seem , to dawn in them that , they let their opinions know about a Christian religion and the Muslim faith. You dont hide anything, you think everyone is a stupid as you think they are. But most here know exactly what you think.
@Dathi O Nualláin: Post a single comment from me where I have ‘defended the states involvement in mother and baby homes’ or have the decency to withdraw your remark….
Off ya go ….
@Dathi O Nualláin: nice rant. You didn’t come across paranoid and crazy at all. I have an image of you doing push ups, shaving your head into a mohawk and talking to yourself I front of the mirror, “you talking to me?”.
@The Risen: The Risen
6m
Thu 3:12 PM
@Tim Oleary: Which period exactly in the history of the Irish state did the church not firmly have its jackboot on the neck of society?
I’ve a question when did this stop.
@mark d: if that’s the only way you can try to obtain credibility , good luck.
@Dathi O Nualláin: cheers
@Dathi O Nualláin: do you believe that shared responsibility between the State and the Catholic Church reduces culpability of the Church? Simple question.
@Orla Smith:Worst human rights record in the last 1,500 years. I’m not quite sure of that to be honest, one of the worst yes, but “the” worst, no.
@mark d: if that’s a hypothetical question , then my answer is no. But if it’s a shared responsibility they should both be prosecuted and those responsible imprisoned. What do you think? Same question only , do you think it reduces the culpability of the State?
@Orla Smith: gone very quiet, beginning to think you are still here under another avatar.
@Dathi O Nualláin: If that’s the best you can come up with you shouldn’t have bothered. It’s common knowledge the control the Catholic Church had over state apparatus. Difference between you and me is I blame atrocities carried out by the church on the church in the first instance, you point your fingers at everything else.
@Dathi O Nualláin: absolutely not. However, the difference between the state and the Catholic Church is that the state is answerable to the citizenry. The church is not. The church has had and still does have influence over the Irish state. We are talking about an organisation that has been responsible for the rape of children, selling babies, the enslavement and subjugation of women over the last 100 years in this country with minimal accountability. In fact, the church has yet to pay the money they owe to the survivors for sexual abuse. The state paid most the financial costs. This is why it’s important I call out the Catholic Church and argue against those who try to lessen their culpability through whataboutism.
@Dathi O Nualláin: whataboutery by a sad apologist does not justify either the disgusting action of the Catholic Church nor does it honour those poor people in Sri Lanka . Shame on you.
@Ian Phillip Creaner: that comment an obvious instance of back door hypocracy.
@mark d: you say the church still has influence of over the state, that doesn’t add up given the recent push for abortion and same sex marriage. If the Church is obligated to pay victims, they should. You waffling on about whataboutery are doing the same thing here. I think you are big time wrong about the states relationship with the church, it has changed but this relationship is about covering the backsides now. Dont you condemn/ acknowledge all of the similar abuses that take place outside the church? Or do you think it’s only exclusively a Catholic church thing. Aren’t secular atheists or anyone in between subject to scrutiny also. ?
@The Risen: Not so, you still are saying the state, is like an innocent observer. I say the church is responsible firstly for the abuses but the state ,even while they had knowledge of this did nothing. The thing about this is, is that the present state doesn’t want that kind of investigation, in case it turns up something that dont want made public knowledge. I want the truth. All of it , and I dont give a monkies who is involved, I want them exposed.
@Dathi O Nualláin: that’s a straw man argument. The Catholic Church does still have influence over the state as it has control of most of the schools. Education is the key to control. Most of the population from the age of 5 are taught religious education, primarily the catholic faith. Mixing religion with traditional education gives the appearance of equivalence between religious teaching and core subjects. This maintains the church influence of society. In effect it is conditioning people to be Catholic, this is further reinforced by the traditions and customs such as communion and confirmation, once again is down through a lot of schools. You accuse me of whataboutary yet there was none in my previous comment……
@Dathi O Nualláin: ……You then follow up your rebuttal by saying what about those outside of the catholic faith….you lost all credibility there.
@Dathi O Nualláin: re your claim that recent results in the referendum have shown the church does not have influence, this is another argument that holds little water. People in Ireland have never had so much access to contrary points of views in the history of the state. This has led to a softening of public view. The church still has a lot of influence in this country.
@Dathi O Nualláin: I absolutely agree with you on your point that all involved must be exposed. But as I stated earlier, the state is accountable to the citizens but the church is only accountable to itself. This is why it’s important to remove their ability to influence society with the level of power that they have.
@The Risen: Who told you what I am or am not, or are you making your usual erroneous assumptions.
As for rising on Easter Sunday, you can and I’m sure you have pleased yourself and as far as It bothers me, you don’t have to worry.
@mark d: i dont really mind what you think. Itsa very obvious trait of thise who are not christians to avoid looking at thenselves when the tricky questions are asked. Even being silent when asked a question
@Dathi O Nualláin: for example? Your observations of non Christians has to be the greatest example of projection I have ever seen! I have never seen a strident Christian challenge their beliefs. I have literally never seen that.
Simple, leak the report to the media ( I’m sure they kept a copy) job done!
A great little country for cover-up in any part of life.
More like protecting the Judical political class that is complicit in all that is was rotten
@Willie Bill Bryan: I’d guess it’s a wide net that covers many many people in powerful positions. The nuns may have been wearing the jackboots, but the involvement of church officials, civil servants, the medical profession, the judicary and the political office holders is too discomforting for them to reveal.
It’s beyond disgusting what these people have done.
Hitler would have been proud of them and their carry, how dare these people claim to be religious servants and preach to others.
I was reading today that a Fianna fail politician wants the money being earmarked to exhume the children’s bodies in Tuam for forensic examination to instead be used to tackle homelessness.
Stinks of a cover-up.
@The Risen: I told you that days ago, that the state was responsible also. It’s a rabbit hole. A big one.
@Dathi O Nualláin: Would you like to acknowledge that they are covering up the actions of the Catholic church in the first instance?
Zappone refuses to publish it because it shows all of her lies.
- no babies in septic tank
- no evidence of babies sold to America
- nuns buried babies in underground crypts because the council refused to do their job
Zappone should be sacked but as usual no one will be held to account because they used the lies to whip people up into a frenzy about the church.
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/people-staying-silent-on-what-happened-at-tuam-zappone-says-1.3863241?mode=amp
@Red Hen: You’re mixing up 2 completely different Reports.
@Red Hen: change your meds. These ones are note working
@Paul J. Redmond: Fair enough Paul, and thanks for pointing that out.
However my point remains. If this report pointed all of that out and the only headline that was printed was that Zappone thinks people are still hiding something then can you imagine what damning information is in the report that she won’t publish?
That woman is on a witch hunt.
We paid for this investigation with our tax money, it should be published. Survivors need acknowledgement of what they have been through, because I know that there was abuse. The institutes that did their job also need acknowledgment. I suspect that like the report I referenced that there were many failings by the government pointed out in the report and that’s why we’ll never see it.
Why is everything about religion. It should be about the treatment of people, whoever they are. People shouldn’t be blown up. Children shouldn’t have died because their mothers weren’t married. Abuse is abuse no matter what
@June Grimes: has anybody any problem with what happens to aborted babies
The count recently went up to 9050 in the ‘Septic Tank’, are people still making it all up.!! Wait until all the lost burial plots are excavated, Oh!! But not it seems even the graves are empty, why’?? Because the poor innocent little children were given to Hospitals for Medical Research.!!
This is a blight on Ireland. Truth will out, but too late for justice to be served.
Cover up? What a surprise…. The Nazis feigned ignorance also.
Zapping a bad egg
I had four misscarrigies in the late 60 th, after reading your report, I wonder did they also go for research?. As I would like to have buried them, but then the doctors were gods.these baby’s were in jars in the sluice room in St finbarr Cork,
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