Support from readers like you keeps The Journal open.
You are visiting us because we have something you value. Independent, unbiased news that tells the truth. Advertising revenue goes some way to support our mission, but this year it has not been enough.
If you've seen value in our reporting, please contribute what you can, so we can continue to produce accurate and meaningful journalism. For everyone who needs it.
Government to make cabin homes in back gardens exempt from planning
US-Russia talks: Trump 'disappointed' with Ukraine's strong rebuke over its exclusion
British insurer warns air fryers are causing tens of thousands of pounds worth of damage
Stephen Byrne Gregory Dunn/RTÉ
Read Me
Stephen Byrne Why 9 years after ripping up my results, I went back to do the Leaving Cert...
The Leaving Cert is strange in the sense that it is something we all experience, and yet it’s something that we all seem to try to repress, writes the 2FM presenter.
Stephen Byrne is a 28-year-old radio and television presenter, currently with 2FM, who began working in media during at the start of his Leaving Cert year of 2008. Last year he went back on a personal mission to do the state exams again, to prove something about the system, himself and Ireland’s youth.
SOMETIMES IT’S NECESSARY to go back to find out who you were to find out who you are right now.
When people heard that I was doing the Leaving Cert again this year for a documentary, the reactions varied – but the one thing that remained consistent was that everyone always brought it back to themselves and their own experiences.
‘I would never do that, it was hell for me,’ or ‘I still have recurring nightmares of my Maths Paper One.’
The Leaving Cert is strange in the sense that it is something we all experience, and yet it’s something that we all seem to try to repress.
I tried so hard that I never even opened by first results… but we’ll get back to that in a minute.
I’ve always been a big believer in facing your fears to get them under control, even at the expense of other people’s opinions.
I had a crippling fear of heights.
Even an easy journey traversing across the mammoth peaks of Dun Laoghaire shopping centre’s second floor would turn my legs into a substance only consistent with the jelly my nan insisted on serving us with custard every time we visited her.
So I went on multiple skydives.
I spent the first few years of my life living in Australia in constant unease that behind every cupboard, or underneath every toilet seat was a snake trying to plot my demise. So I bought a pet snake. Her name is Miss Hiss, you’d love her.
So why did the Leaving Cert carry so much haunting memories for me personally?
I spent that year living in fear of who people thought I was and who I didn’t want to be.
I came out about a month before the exams and made life very difficult for my incredible parents. I was angry – angry that I was gay and angry that I didn’t have any true friends. I just wanted to run away.
It’s a time that myself and my parents have locked in the past and never really spoken about. For me, because I was deeply ashamed for so long and, for them, because they never wanted to re-live that stress that I caused them with the anger I held, and how much they worried about me.
It’s often easy to ignore pain, but every wound needs to be healed… leaving it too long only causes more infection.
Advertisement
In the same way, in August 2009, I ran home and shredded my Leaving Cert results because I didn’t want to have to face where that anger had left me standing.
There was nothing in that envelope I didn’t already know about my application and I was so afraid it would make me define parts of who I was. As the years went on and my career progressed, it became somewhat of a novelty to others that I’d never touched them but to me that year followed me around like a ghost waiting to be laid to rest.
I knew it was the right time to go back last year but not for the reasons others believed.
A free schedule and a sound mind would probably have been an attractive time to begin but I had neither.
For a multitude of reasons, last year was, again, incredibly tough. I had lost an enormous amount of trust, love and motivation within myself and as hard as I tried it wouldn’t shake.
I could only relate the feeling to one other time in my life and that was 2009, that year we’d all locked away.
I went back to understand myself, to destroy the barrier I had put up that separated my adolescence and adulthood, to put myself through hell in hope that on the other side I could find confidence in myself again.
I was afraid to tell anyone how I was truly feeling because they might say I wasn’t fit to complete the task ahead but, in my mind, I was more equipped than anyone.
Greg Dunn / RTE
Greg Dunn / RTE / RTE
Students all across this country are struggling with the simple act of getting out of bed in the morning, the pressures of leading a perfect existence inflicted by a mosaic of distorted lives projected constantly across their scrolling eyes.
They’re creating two minds running parallel, one trying to understand De Moivre’s theorem, the other trying to understand who they are, and what they want from the world.
To talk about what I’ve learned from the year that’s gone is very difficult, do you want facts or do you want observations?
I can tell you everything you don’t need to know about the Paris Basin, or maybe how the youth of this country are something we should all take immense pride in?
They’re progressive, emotionally intelligent and yet living in a world with so many more social pressures than many of us had before.
They live in fear of failing, disappointing themselves and their parents.
Surely they have enough to weigh themselves down already; seriously, you should feel the weight of my school bag.
Anyway, I better go, it’s nearly October and I still haven’t got anything to wear for my debs…
Leaving Again airs tonight, 20 September at 10.15pm on RTÉ One. It is Byrne’s second documentary for RTÉ, previously tackling the issue of homophobia in football.
Readers like you are keeping these stories free for everyone...
A mix of advertising and supporting contributions helps keep paywalls away from valuable information like this article.
Over 5,000 readers like you have already stepped up and support us with a monthly payment or a once-off donation.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Close
14 Comments
This is YOUR comments community. Stay civil, stay constructive, stay on topic.
Please familiarise yourself with our comments policy
here
before taking part.
Bet David Quinn and Breda O’Brien will be seething in their pews waiting to scribble down their anti-gay hatred or as they call it -their sincerely held beliefs’
It’s all a misunderstanding. They think gay people are a great bunch of lads , but only an invisible man told them that gays were against the natural order of things and shouldn’t have the same rights as straight people. No offence intended – it’s the invisible mans fault really.
This parade is unsuitable for a city centre in daytime due to the outfits that many of the participants wear. Grown men in leather thongs should not be allowed in public. Personally I find it stomach turning.
@jane
Bet you’ll look stunning Jane! Happy Pride all. Looking forward to a great day. Get involved people – share the love!
@ Ailbhe – have a great day, even if you can’t make Pride this year! Great news about your grandparents. Older people are great and can really surprise sometimes!
Enjoy the party, because probably in less than 50 years you probably wont be able to have one at all. As radical Islam occupies much of Europe their tolerances of ANYTHING different (cartoons) gets met with a bullet at the back of the head. (lets face it how many pride festivals are there in Saudi for example) Even now we see “women” and children (not men mind you! ) in Ireland covered from head to toe in black and people hardy bat an eyelid. LGBTQ people fought long and hard for the freedoms you have, well enjoy them while you can!!
Of course that could NEVER happen in Ireland????
Well add a little section of the parade to pass by the Mosque in Clonskea and see the reaction.
This parade is unsuitable for a city centre in daytime due to pretty nasty and very sexual outfits that many of the males wear. Men in leather thongs or hotpants, it’s disgusting and perverted and doesn’t encourage respect from straight folk like me. These adult men and women obviously have a twisted sense of their place in society and relish the opportunity to parade their perversion. I guess the vast majority of mature, intelligent, and self respecting gay people stay home today and are very embarrassed by the freaks who claim to represent their sexuality.
Government to make cabin homes in back gardens exempt from planning
Christina Finn
4 hrs ago
8.7k
21
killinick
Man (70s) dies following four-vehicle collision in Wexford this evening
6 hrs ago
6.2k
air fryer fires
British insurer warns air fryers are causing tens of thousands of pounds worth of damage
19 hrs ago
47.0k
42
Your Cookies. Your Choice.
Cookies help provide our news service while also enabling the advertising needed to fund this work.
We categorise cookies as Necessary, Performance (used to analyse the site performance) and Targeting (used to target advertising which helps us keep this service free).
We and our 148 partners store and access personal data, like browsing data or unique identifiers, on your device. Selecting Accept All enables tracking technologies to support the purposes shown under we and our partners process data to provide. If trackers are disabled, some content and ads you see may not be as relevant to you. You can resurface this menu to change your choices or withdraw consent at any time by clicking the Cookie Preferences link on the bottom of the webpage .Your choices will have effect within our Website. For more details, refer to our Privacy Policy.
We and our vendors process data for the following purposes:
Use precise geolocation data. Actively scan device characteristics for identification. Store and/or access information on a device. Personalised advertising and content, advertising and content measurement, audience research and services development.
Cookies Preference Centre
We process your data to deliver content or advertisements and measure the delivery of such content or advertisements to extract insights about our website. We share this information with our partners on the basis of consent. You may exercise your right to consent, based on a specific purpose below or at a partner level in the link under each purpose. Some vendors may process your data based on their legitimate interests, which does not require your consent. You cannot object to tracking technologies placed to ensure security, prevent fraud, fix errors, or deliver and present advertising and content, and precise geolocation data and active scanning of device characteristics for identification may be used to support this purpose. This exception does not apply to targeted advertising. These choices will be signaled to our vendors participating in the Transparency and Consent Framework.
Manage Consent Preferences
Necessary Cookies
Always Active
These cookies are necessary for the website to function and cannot be switched off in our systems. They are usually only set in response to actions made by you which amount to a request for services, such as setting your privacy preferences, logging in or filling in forms. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not then work.
Targeting Cookies
These cookies may be set through our site by our advertising partners. They may be used by those companies to build a profile of your interests and show you relevant adverts on other sites. They do not store directly personal information, but are based on uniquely identifying your browser and internet device. If you do not allow these cookies, you will experience less targeted advertising.
Functional Cookies
These cookies enable the website to provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. They may be set by us or by third party providers whose services we have added to our pages. If you do not allow these cookies then these services may not function properly.
Performance Cookies
These cookies allow us to count visits and traffic sources so we can measure and improve the performance of our site. They help us to know which pages are the most and least popular and see how visitors move around the site. All information these cookies collect is aggregated and therefore anonymous. If you do not allow these cookies we will not be able to monitor our performance.
Store and/or access information on a device 102 partners can use this purpose
Cookies, device or similar online identifiers (e.g. login-based identifiers, randomly assigned identifiers, network based identifiers) together with other information (e.g. browser type and information, language, screen size, supported technologies etc.) can be stored or read on your device to recognise it each time it connects to an app or to a website, for one or several of the purposes presented here.
Personalised advertising and content, advertising and content measurement, audience research and services development 133 partners can use this purpose
Use limited data to select advertising 103 partners can use this purpose
Advertising presented to you on this service can be based on limited data, such as the website or app you are using, your non-precise location, your device type or which content you are (or have been) interacting with (for example, to limit the number of times an ad is presented to you).
Create profiles for personalised advertising 75 partners can use this purpose
Information about your activity on this service (such as forms you submit, content you look at) can be stored and combined with other information about you (for example, information from your previous activity on this service and other websites or apps) or similar users. This is then used to build or improve a profile about you (that might include possible interests and personal aspects). Your profile can be used (also later) to present advertising that appears more relevant based on your possible interests by this and other entities.
Use profiles to select personalised advertising 74 partners can use this purpose
Advertising presented to you on this service can be based on your advertising profiles, which can reflect your activity on this service or other websites or apps (like the forms you submit, content you look at), possible interests and personal aspects.
Create profiles to personalise content 36 partners can use this purpose
Information about your activity on this service (for instance, forms you submit, non-advertising content you look at) can be stored and combined with other information about you (such as your previous activity on this service or other websites or apps) or similar users. This is then used to build or improve a profile about you (which might for example include possible interests and personal aspects). Your profile can be used (also later) to present content that appears more relevant based on your possible interests, such as by adapting the order in which content is shown to you, so that it is even easier for you to find content that matches your interests.
Use profiles to select personalised content 32 partners can use this purpose
Content presented to you on this service can be based on your content personalisation profiles, which can reflect your activity on this or other services (for instance, the forms you submit, content you look at), possible interests and personal aspects. This can for example be used to adapt the order in which content is shown to you, so that it is even easier for you to find (non-advertising) content that matches your interests.
Measure advertising performance 124 partners can use this purpose
Information regarding which advertising is presented to you and how you interact with it can be used to determine how well an advert has worked for you or other users and whether the goals of the advertising were reached. For instance, whether you saw an ad, whether you clicked on it, whether it led you to buy a product or visit a website, etc. This is very helpful to understand the relevance of advertising campaigns.
Measure content performance 59 partners can use this purpose
Information regarding which content is presented to you and how you interact with it can be used to determine whether the (non-advertising) content e.g. reached its intended audience and matched your interests. For instance, whether you read an article, watch a video, listen to a podcast or look at a product description, how long you spent on this service and the web pages you visit etc. This is very helpful to understand the relevance of (non-advertising) content that is shown to you.
Understand audiences through statistics or combinations of data from different sources 72 partners can use this purpose
Reports can be generated based on the combination of data sets (like user profiles, statistics, market research, analytics data) regarding your interactions and those of other users with advertising or (non-advertising) content to identify common characteristics (for instance, to determine which target audiences are more receptive to an ad campaign or to certain contents).
Develop and improve services 79 partners can use this purpose
Information about your activity on this service, such as your interaction with ads or content, can be very helpful to improve products and services and to build new products and services based on user interactions, the type of audience, etc. This specific purpose does not include the development or improvement of user profiles and identifiers.
Use limited data to select content 37 partners can use this purpose
Content presented to you on this service can be based on limited data, such as the website or app you are using, your non-precise location, your device type, or which content you are (or have been) interacting with (for example, to limit the number of times a video or an article is presented to you).
Use precise geolocation data 42 partners can use this special feature
With your acceptance, your precise location (within a radius of less than 500 metres) may be used in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Actively scan device characteristics for identification 24 partners can use this special feature
With your acceptance, certain characteristics specific to your device might be requested and used to distinguish it from other devices (such as the installed fonts or plugins, the resolution of your screen) in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Ensure security, prevent and detect fraud, and fix errors 82 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
Your data can be used to monitor for and prevent unusual and possibly fraudulent activity (for example, regarding advertising, ad clicks by bots), and ensure systems and processes work properly and securely. It can also be used to correct any problems you, the publisher or the advertiser may encounter in the delivery of content and ads and in your interaction with them.
Deliver and present advertising and content 92 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
Certain information (like an IP address or device capabilities) is used to ensure the technical compatibility of the content or advertising, and to facilitate the transmission of the content or ad to your device.
Match and combine data from other data sources 65 partners can use this feature
Always Active
Information about your activity on this service may be matched and combined with other information relating to you and originating from various sources (for instance your activity on a separate online service, your use of a loyalty card in-store, or your answers to a survey), in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Link different devices 48 partners can use this feature
Always Active
In support of the purposes explained in this notice, your device might be considered as likely linked to other devices that belong to you or your household (for instance because you are logged in to the same service on both your phone and your computer, or because you may use the same Internet connection on both devices).
Identify devices based on information transmitted automatically 81 partners can use this feature
Always Active
Your device might be distinguished from other devices based on information it automatically sends when accessing the Internet (for instance, the IP address of your Internet connection or the type of browser you are using) in support of the purposes exposed in this notice.
Save and communicate privacy choices 60 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
The choices you make regarding the purposes and entities listed in this notice are saved and made available to those entities in the form of digital signals (such as a string of characters). This is necessary in order to enable both this service and those entities to respect such choices.
have your say