ST PATRICK’S DAY. Gets earlier every year (editor’s note: it does not, and as this year is a leap year, St Patrick’s Day will in fact be later this year than it was last year). 

From this week onward we will once again be reckoning with the discourse surrounding costly TD trips around the world to promote Ireland’s brand, beg for favourable trade conditions and try to convince Chinese Premier Xi Jinping to pose with a big creamy pint of Murphy’s. St Patrick may have rid of us of the snakes but my word did he leave the cringe intact.

One welcome development however, announced this week, is the scrapping of Tourism Ireland’s ‘Global Greening’ initiative. 

Global Greening was the unintentionally hilarious name for the element of Ireland’s St Patrick’s Day outreach that saw famous global landmarks like the Colosseum, the Eiffel Tower, and even (sorry, I can’t believe this is true) Christ the Redeemer in Rio di Janeiro lit up in a radioactive shade of green in order to remind the world what we’re all about. The whole thing had about as much dignity as tearfully dancing a jig and reel while cigar-smoking businessmen laugh and toss us pennies.

Painful as it was for us, it seems hard to believe that the rest of the world liked it very much either.

One struggles to imagine that the Italians, French and Brazilians thought fondly of seeing their proudest national monuments doused in green like they’d just been hit with the gunge on a Nickelodeon show from the late 1990s. Imagine how we would feel if Australia made us put one of those Crocodile Dundee hats with the corks on the Daniel O’Connell statue. 

Yes, the whole thing was a bit gauche, even for a country who presents the US President with a bowl of literal shamrocks on 17 March each year – a move without as much self-respect as the Italian PM presenting Joe Biden with a plate of spaghetti. Somewhere deep down we must have always known this, since we paused it in 2022 out of respect for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, and again in 2023 out of respect for the energy crisis. Propriety is a paramount consideration when making the big Jesus green.

It’s possible that after this two-year hiatus from viridescence that Tourism Ireland realised that Ireland’s appeal might not actually hinge on this heavy-handed reminder that IRELAND = GREEN. Now all we need to do is let the good people of Chicago know that they don’t need to keep doing that to their river. 

It is worth noting, however, the while there will be no overarching “Global Greening” plan, Tourism Ireland has said that local offices may indulge in “high profile greenings in their country as appropriate”. High. Profile. Greenings.

Ireland has long clung to its ownership of the colour green, even as we have failed domestically to live up to our end of the bargain. Indeed, Ireland is beginning to lag behind many other countries in its approach to all things green. And for once, we’re not talking about climate targets — although, yes, now that you mention it, we are way behind on those too.

No sir, this time we’re talking about marijuana. Mary Jane. Sweet, sweet ganja.

A vote on People Before Profit TD Gino Kenny’s bill, which would amend Irish law to legalise possession of cannabis up to 7g, has been kicked down the road for a further nine months. 

The bill, which was first introduced and passed unopposed in November 2022, has been described by Kenny as “very moderate” and seeks to avoid wasting resources by bringing people before the courts for possession of so little weed that you could hide it all by putting it in your mouth (do not do that). 

Legalising small amounts of cannabis seems like such a no-brainer that it’s almost a bit embarrassing to even advocate for it. Saying that you think a little bit of weed should be legal feels like getting up before the Dáil and pleading for your right to a little treat at the end of a hard day. Grabbing a megaphone to tell the public you think you should be allowed to sleep with a hot water bottle when it’s cold, or that you should be allowed to have a drink while you watch American Crime Story: The People vs OJ Simpson for the fifth time. 

Despite Neale Richmond’s stone-faced admission that he once smoked weed in Amsterdam and had a “horrible experience”, most people who come into contact with weed (I cannot and will not refer to it as ‘cannabis’ throughout an entire article) are keenly aware that it certainly presents no more threat to the fabric of society than alcohol, fast food or gambling — and that a coherent case could be made that marijuana is actually – at population level – less dangerous than any of those things.

The government has shown little urgency to take steps to decriminalise some drugs for personal use, a suggestion made by last year’s Citizens’ Assembly on drugs. The assembly recommended that Ireland take a “health-led policy response” towards narcotics, but thus far, there has been little to suggest any change in the State’s attitude towards marijuana – even as it is legalised, decriminalised or approaching decriminalisation in countries like Spain, Germany, Portugal, Belgium, Croatia, Canada, 24 states in the US, as well as many other cities and nations which are proudly lighting up the green.

But you know what they say: global greening starts at home.