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This article is part of our Change Generation project, supported by KBC. To read more click here.
IN THE 2011 CENSUS, 44% of people in the 30-39 age bracket classed themselves as single.
The split was almost half and half between men and women, slightly weighted towards men at 54%.
The data show that between the ages of 30 and 39 the number of people ticking the ‘single’ box on the census form drops off quickly every year, with the rate slowing down after the age of 40.
Being single or as-yet-unmarried in your 30s has long been presented as some sort of doomsday situation (particularly for women) in popular culture, but with more people getting married later in life or not getting married at all, things are changing.
The equality effect
In Ireland, the census shows there was a 15% increase in the number of people over the age of 15 reporting as single between 2002 and 2011.
Research carried out in the 1990s on ”always single” women concluded that that they faced “extensive stigma” from friends, family and strangers.
But the author of that study, Dr Anne Byrne, told theJournal.ie that some things have changed since then and there is more acceptance in Irish society for those living as single women and men.
Opportunities for education, paid work and economic independence, improved reproductive control, combined with the ideological support of the women’s movement for sexual and economic equality, have benefited all women. The seismic shift in women’s lives in Ireland from the 1960s onwards, is part of the reason for the changes in attitudes to single women and men.
There is still, however, “a strong convention, social preference and expectation in society to be ‘coupled’ or ‘in a relationship’ despite our advocacy of equality for all persons,” she says.
The role of gender
Unmarried and in her 30s, Dr Lisa Moran from NUI Galway says she is not sure whether being single at this age is normalised yet and she believes, “there is a definite insider/outsider distinction at play.”
Dr Moran told theJournal.ie that it is different for men and women, and where you live is another factor.
I think there’s far more pressure on women to be married by a certain age than on men. And I also think the rural/urban divide plays a huge role too. So I think the issue is more complex than it appears on the surface.
However, Dr Byrne says both men and women face similar pressures to conform to societal customs:
Young men are subject to the same kind of peer pressures as young women concerning their single status but have greater autonomy to ‘be themselves’. It is the force of convention that is most at work here – being ‘different’ to the peer group is still not tolerated.
Economic factors
Dr Bernadine Brady, from the School of Political Science & Sociology at NUI Galway, says economic factors are also at play.
She told theJournal.ie that while some younger people may be single by choice, others are delaying marriage and babies because they cannot afford them until later in life.
With increasingly precarious employment, short-term contracts, having to spend longer in education, etc., many young people would be unable to afford to get married, buy a house, have a baby, etc – thus delaying these things is a rational choice that has been caused by the underlying economic changes.
Singles are happier than married couples?
In the United States, there are more single people than ever before, with 50.2% of those aged 16 and over identifying as such in 2014, compared to 37.4% in 1976.
Social psychologist Dr Bella DePaulo addressed this year’s American Psychological Association annual convention, where she spoke about the positives of staying single:
The preoccupation with the perils of loneliness can obscure the profound benefits of solitude. It is time for a more accurate portrayal of single people and single life — one that recognizes the real strengths and resilience of people who are single, and what makes their lives so meaningful.
DePaulo refutes the notion that single people lack meaningful relationships and says studies have shown that they have stronger relationships with family members, friends and co-workers, while married couples become insular.
While economic factors such as the challenges of finding a well-paid job before marrying are often cited as reasons for remaining single, DePaulo argues that increasing numbers of people are staying unattached because they want to.
“Living single allows them to live their best, most authentic, and most meaningful life,” she says.
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Nothing wrong with being single in you’re 30s. Some people just aren’t interested in relationships
@Tom Thumb: Some day you will find someone Tom, only messing with you .
44% … that’s a little too high to be using the word, stigma.
If your a single woman and want to have kids just find a man. Tell him it’s all good no need for protection you get a baby in 9 months. If you are a single man you have all your free time to play video games. Having kids and not being married is no big deal especially when you are in your 30′s.
I remember being a young and innocent apprentice serving my time, all these worldly men would look around at other men and any who managed to reach the age of 30 without being married were declared deviants or gay. However when someone, myself included, intended to get married they would always try to talk them out of it and into a life of single debauchery. They never saw the hypocrisy of what they were doing and were quite serious.
It is nobodies business if you are single or not.
I’m single in my 30′s own my own home quite content by myself , I have a higher disposable income than my friends with mortgages , creche & school fees , we all don’t have to get married have 2 kids and buy a semi in the suburbs some of us like our independence.
@JJ: The people who ended their lives and threw away their freedom to have kids need to find something about their life that is supposedly better than yours to make themselves feel better. That’s where the stigma comes from.
@Adam. No it’s all those stupid giggly rom-coms, magazines and FB memes. That’s where the (mostly non existent) stigma is suggested. No need to sound embittered.
@Adam: I don’t see any stigma whatsoever, singledom is great for the most part. I can’t think of anything worse than being shackled to someone I don’t love!
The stigma comes from yummy mummies mainly. When i was in my 30′s and single i worked with women who were all married with kids. The conversation round the office was all “school, after school activities, doing up the kitchen and getting a new jeep”.. It was painful to listen to. All trying to outdo one another. I got married at 38. There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact i remember my singledom as being a happy time, when i had a good figure. So enjoy it lads and ladies. Freeeeeedom!!!!
@Sinead Hanley: The stigma is probably more to do with women. It’s become nowadays in the western world if a man gets married, its like he’s been browbeaten into it against his will, or ‘taking the plunge’ so to speak. I’d argue thats a stigma in itself
Bairead. I suppose that’s true. It seems it’s difficult for men to let go of singledom. Thats my experience of men anyway. Do ye slag each other off about getting tied down
38 and single. While I hate it, I’m also sick of the comments. Oh time is running out for you, you won’t be able to have kids. Go away you nosey annoying people
@Allison Smith: I keep 2 phones in my jeans to help with that ….
Bring back the slow sets in clubs. There was something nice about someone coming up to you asking you out to dance the old fashioned way
Come on the only ones who did ask someone to dance were the ones no one wanted to dance with.
The ones who were to shy or embarrassed to ask were the ones I usually wanted to dance with.
That said I met my husband at 17 when his friend asked me out for him. That was 19 years ago.
Our 17 year old says “it’s not like that now mom! No one slow dances anymore.”
*somehow I don’t believe her!!
You had a kid at 19 after less than years ?
Not sure I want to going to the clubs you danced in!!
Lol. Didn’t meet him in a club. Met him at work.. I didn’t really slow dance with anyone at clubs / teen discos. I wasn’t asked often, well actually I was, but by the wrong people so respectfully declined most offers.
I had our first child at 19 then moved in together. We bought our house at 24. Had two more kids and married at 28.
In our mid 30s now. In terms of our friends we were way ahead with them only settling down now. It just so happened we found each other when we were younger and could commit.
It certainly wasn’t unusual for our parents generation or past generations to settle down in their late teens. Just now we don’t need to be married to do it. Now there’s a stigma if you do, like you’re not capable of being in an adult relationship and looking after kids.
There was a waterford whispers headline on this ages ago about a woman in her 30s who was single and her married friends trying to find her a fella. Loved the ending where she goes ill just have to try cope with doing my own thing whenever i want where ever i want and not have to answer to anyone.
44% seems like a hell of a lot, almost 1/2.
I would say a few are cohabiting and afraid to put down they are cohabiting in case the social get on their case.
Id feel uncomfortable cohabitating because of common law
I did it for 8 years before we got married. But I know what you mean. Once living with someone for a year you have claim to their house and so on.
Actually when myself and my partner announced we were getting married after 10 years together we met with resistance from most of his family.
“Why the hell would you want to do that?”
“Why bother?”
“Don’t know why you’re getting married.”
I have only a couple of friends that are 30+ who are single, one has a fella for 20 years but won’t live with him, he would jump at the chance, he stayed over often but has his own place, which she never stays at. Whatever floats your boat.
Tbh I say single life is so much easier but I don’t envy it, especially as I get older and my kids leave home, I look forward to growing old with my husband.
Well having kids at 19 isn’t everyone cup of tea either haha!!
That’s for sure. But we’ve come full circle now, she’s 18 soon and will be off to college. By the time we are 44 all our kids will be adults and we will travel and do all the stuff we missed out on as young adults but with way more disposable income.
There was a reason for the saying ‘life begins at 40.’
The reaction here shows how much stigma there is to young parents. Which was a social norm for centuries. There is an expectation that you will break up and divorce. That partying and getting drunk every weekend and casual hook ups is the preferred thing.
There is a stigma attached to being single. People judge you as having something wrong with you. I actually enjoy my life thank you, I appreciate that you might know the perfect woman for me, but I do not need to be set up all the same.
Im not in my 30s but I feel discriminated when trying to applying for a morgage
I find it’s more of a stigma in rural areas than in large built up areas having lived in both during my late 20′s and early 30′s.
Was in a relationship which fell apart when I was 29. From 30 to 35 were some fun single years. I was answerable to no one. Rule 1. Don’t put pressure on yourself the ”1” is out there let them find you. I’m now in my 40′s with a few kids, what I’d give gor those single days now…
Honestly better off, I found after losing a lot of interest in having a relationship I have become happier as a person, I am nearly sure I am going for a bachelor kind of life at this stage, I have my friends and family, so I think I am already set. I only had one relationship in my life, lasted 4 years and ended on good terms (thankfully not the typical break up) However all the best for those who are lonely and seek it out, your time will come and you will find someone.
“I’m not going to get married , I think I’ll just find a woman that hates me, then buy her a house.”…
Already posted but had to do a verification and no comment so here we go again
I have lost interest in having relationships, I had one relationship before that lasted 4 years and ended on good terms (thankfully not the typical break up) ever since I lost the interest I have become a happier person, and I think I’m pretty much set on going on a bachelor life at this stage.
I have notice alot of people who aren’t happy with the person they’re with staying with them for the heck of it….I would talk to them about it and they seem scared to walk away. feeling they’re going to be alone, seems to me even if they’re around them loneliness sets in.
In saying this there are a lot of people who are happy with each other and thats great all the best to them.
Any guy or woman here set on being single all the best to you and dont let any of the insecure types stigmatise you and for those who are lonely and seek the relationship all the power to you.
They shouldn’t really be feeling any stigma if one in two in that age group are single.
Marriage is for women and fools.
I think the best explanation is though the lyrics from the soup dragons
Don’t be afraid of your freedom
Freedom
I’m free to do what I want any old time
I said I’m free to do what I want any old time
I say love me, hold me
Love me, hold me
‘Cause I’m free to do what I want any old time
And I’m free to be who I choose any old time
I say love me, hold me
Love me, hold me
‘Cause I’m free to do what I want
To be what I want any old time
And I’m free to be who I choose
To get my booze any old time
I say love me (love me forever)
Hold me (and love will never die)
Love me, hold me
‘Cause I’m free
@leartius: Free to die alone, unloved and forgotten.
#justsayin.
Feck off will yah
The amount of couples who complain about their other half and are just there because they are afraid of being alone, there’s no love,nothing just there for the heck of it, no way would I do that feck it life is too short.
The problem stems from caring what others think. Live your own life! They are not going to step in and pay your mortgage or mind your kids when things get rough.
Single and happy for now. Friends married to some right aul control freaks. The woman rules the roost at home these days
i only wish i suffered from stigma —> i get stigmata
Probably too busy slaving away to notice that time is passing them by, I think?
The lucky feckers
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