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Sitdown Sunday: The killing that shamed San Francisco

The very best of the week’s writing from around the web.

IT’S A DAY of rest, and you may be in the mood for a quiet corner and a comfy chair.

We’ve hand-picked the week’s best reads for you to savour.

1. The killing that shamed San Francisco

shutterstock_184856327 Shutterstock / f11photo Shutterstock / f11photo / f11photo

The great essayist Rebecca Solnit writes about the death of Alejandro Nieto, a Hispanic young man who was killed in the very area he grew up in. Was gentrification to blame for why he had the cops called on him?

(The Guardian, approx 28 mins reading time)

Nieto had first been licensed by the state as a security guard in 2007 and had worked in that field since. He had never been arrested and had no police record, an achievement in a neighbourhood where Latino kids can get picked up just for hanging out. He was a Buddhist: a Latino son of immigrants who practised Buddhism is the kind of hybrid San Francisco used to be good at. As a teen he had worked as a youth counsellor for almost five years at the Bernal Heights Neighborhood Center; he was outgoing and participated in political campaigns, street fairs and community events.

2. Should parents of children with disabilities be allowed stop their growth?

shutterstock_331801826 Shutterstock / martin bowra Shutterstock / martin bowra / martin bowra

The parents of children with severe disabilities speak about whether it is in their child’s interest to have their growth stunted – and the ethical implications that come with that.

(New York Times, approx 22 mins reading time)

In her 50s and physically fit, Sandy has a 20-year-old daughter, Jessica, who has quadriplegia, is nonverbal and needs assistance with all daily activities. In good overall health, Jessica is 5-foot-3 and weighs 95 pounds. She requires either a two-person transfer between bed and wheelchair or a Hoyer lift, a sling-like hanging chair on wheels that moves people in and out of beds, chairs and bathtubs. But the Hoyer is not meant for use in the shower, where Jessica is propped on a stool, so Sandy and her husband, James Walker, rely on two-person lifts that are very difficult when their daughter is wet.

3. This is how online dating really works

shutterstock_260665841 (1) Shutterstock / Stokkete Shutterstock / Stokkete / Stokkete

If you were wondering about online dating, and whether sites like Tinder are having a positive or negative impact on our relationships, expert Michael Rosenfeld is here with he’s discovered from studying the topic.

(Washington Post, approx 17 mins reading time)

The worry about online dating comes from theories about how too much choice might be bad for you. The idea is that if you’re faced with too many options you will find it harder to pick one, that too much choice is demotivating. We see this in consumer goods — if there are too many flavors of jam at the store, for instance, you might feel that it’s just too complicated to consider the jam aisle, you might end up skipping it all together, you might decide it’s not worth settling down with one jam.

4. The real Emily Dickinson

Black-white_photograph_of_Emily_Dickinson2 Wikipedia Wikipedia

You’ve probably read about Emily Dickinson in school, and formed some opinions about what the poet was like. But this book excerpt is about how she was “a woman maddened with rage—against a culture that had no place for a woman with her own fiercely independent mind and will”.

(Longreads, approx 34 mins reading time)

I believe that her rebellion against the culture of nineteenth-century Amherst was of another kind. She was promiscuous in her own fashion, deceiving everyone around her with the sly masks she wore. She was faithful to no one but her dog. Her white dress was one more bit of camouflage, to safeguard the witchery of her craft. It may have been an act of impersonation, as Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar suggest inThe Madwoman in the Attic, but I don’t agree that Dickinson, decked in white, became “a helpless agoraphobic, trapped in her room in her father’s house.” There’s a different tale to tell.

5.  Midnight Special

Movieclips Trailers / YouTube

Jeff Nichols is the man behind the new – and excellent – film Midnight Special, as well as Mud and Take Shelter. Here’s a profile on the enigmatic filmmaker, and on how he wants to go from having ‘underseen’ films to making blockbusters.

(Wired, approx 22 mins reading time)

Though he thought the movie was makeable for under $50,000 (“I didn’t move the camera and shot all exteriors during the day”), Nichols had to borrow and scrape to get it done. He wrote the script in his father’s furniture store, “surrounded by mattresses,” and edited it in his laundry room. Lack of money and distribution muscle meant the movie, shot in 2004, didn’t get to theaters until 2007.

6. Is sex work just another job?

shutterstock_220778029 Shutterstock / Photographee.eu Shutterstock / Photographee.eu / Photographee.eu

There is an ongoing debate in many countries – including Ireland – about the decriminalisation of sex work. Here, sex workers talk about their work, detailing how they got into the industry, and the debate on the issue is seen from all sides.

(NY Mag, approx 32 mins reading time)

The debate has highlighted a rift among feminists, pitting two deeply held beliefs against each other. One side argues that women should be free economic agents, capable of making choices in their own self-interest, empowered to own their sexuality and use their bodies however they choose. If Chelsea Lane wants to become a sex worker, why shouldn’t she be allowed to do it legally? Those on the other side believe that the Chelsea Lanes of the world are a tiny fraction of sex workers and that many who “choose” this life are not choosing freely or choosing at all.

…AND A CLASSIC FROM THE ARCHIVES….

Back in 2009, Wired carried this strange and disturbing tale of an instant messaging infatuation that went terribly, terribly wrong.

(Wired, approx 19 mins reading time)

Which may be why Montgomery looked at himself — a 45-year-old former marine with a reddish mustache, bulging gut, and disappearing hair — and decided to become someone else. That person, he wrote on Dynabrade stationery that he stored in his toolbox at work, would be an 18-year-old marine named Tommy. He would be a black belt in karate, with bullet scars on his left shoulder and right leg, thick red hair, and impressive dimensions (6’2″, 190 pounds, and a “9″ dick”). Emboldened by his new identity, Montgomery logged onto Pogo in the spring of 2005 and met TalHotBlondbig50 — a 17-year-old from West Virginia, whose name, he later learned, was Jessica.

More: The best reads from every previous Sitdown Sunday >

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5 Comments
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    Mute Keith Lyons
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:52 AM

    The bigger issue is that the teachers are not being adequately trained to work with these populations, while the sna’s have virtually no traing at all. This along with the complete refusal of the state to utilise behaviour analyst in these units means that many of the kids going into these classes will be worse off than they are now

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    Mute Laurie
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    Sep 9th 2013, 10:55 AM

    Wondering where these places are opening up , it doesn’t say

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:17 AM

    Are too many children being put in this ‘special needs’ category ?

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:34 AM

    No, to put it simply.

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    Mute Laurie
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:40 AM

    No would not think so but understand what you mean about labelling people with names that weren’t around when I was growing up

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:55 AM

    @Laurie, labels that will travel with them forever when all they may have is a temporary hitch in their development.

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    Mute Alix Fletcher
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:00 PM

    @morticia
    It’s not a label it’s part of them whether its a big part or not and only by “labelling” it will you help it

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    Mute Laurie
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:06 PM

    Yes thats for sure

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:09 PM

    That’s a very sweeping statement Morticia. The methods and incidences of diagnoses have come a long way in the last 20 years. That’s why we are seeing more children being diagnosed with ASDs, GDD, ADD, dyslexia etc. A label and the required interventions at the right time certainly trumps a child not being able to realise the full of their potential and function well in this world as an adult. Everyone remembers at least one child in their class who was always on the margins and not included because they were ‘odd’ or didn’t learn in the way the curriculum demanded. These children never had a chance and usually left school early, with no qualifications at best. At worst, I know one exceptionally intelligent boy who has spent most of his adult life involved with psychiatric services. Wasted talents.
    Anyway, labels can be peeled off.

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:32 PM

    A temporary hitch? Do you think a temporary hitch would be given such tailored treatment? It’s so hard for many parents to get a diagnosis for their which will open doors to interventions that most gladly welcome labels. It’s mostly people who don’t have a clue that make statements about having labels and that being a bad thing. These children no matter what their special need are not suited to mainstream learning and are entitled to be educated in the way they learn best. Some children transition to mainstream and many more never do. Please don’t talk about things you know little about

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:52 PM

    And how will we find out about this new ideology if we follow your advice to “Please don’t talk about things you know little about” ?

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 9th 2013, 1:03 PM

    Well you could try Informing yourself before making sweeping statements . Lots of literature out there on the subject. Ill informed comments from those who feel the need to chime in regardless without any knowledge on the subject especially in relation to ones children will no doubt provoke a reaction.

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 1:36 PM

    OK lets start again. Are too many children being put in this ‘special needs’ category ? What is the criteria for claiming that a child has special needs

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 9th 2013, 1:52 PM

    A special need is based on the diagnosis of a team of professionals usually. Psychologist speech and language therapist physio and so on depending on the child’s needs. It’s not something you claim . It’s something that you have to do for the benefit of your child so they can the resources they need to enable them to learn in the way they do best. There are a wide range of special needs out there and the diagnostic criteria is different for each. No parent in The world wants there child to have a special need or a disability . For most its a hard road to get a diagnosis and /or services for their child. It’s never something embarked upon lightly. So if your child has a difficulty in learning or development that needs addressing you just push ahead and get them everything you can in your power to help them. So no there are not too many kids in this category in fact due to red tape staff shortages and reduced funding there are very many more kids out there without their official diagnosis . Which likely means they can’t access the educational supports they need. It’s a big subject and there is lots of Info out there on the web

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 2:00 PM

    Good explanation Catherine.

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    Mute Laurie
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    Sep 9th 2013, 2:49 PM

    Very well said but there are some people out there who have mild development issues and need some extra help in school say but you all know well how labels stay with that person for ever even if they don’t need help any more I think that is what she means about it

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    Mute Laurie
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    Sep 9th 2013, 2:57 PM

    You even asked it yourself did we all remember someone falling through the cracks in school. So just proves that we all knew someone cause they stood out they were different in someway

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 3:48 PM

    Thank you ladies for your comments, I asked the thorny question because so many of our efforts to improve the lives of people in this tin-pot country are abused. I have very little faith in the ‘experts’ who meddle so much in folks lives and tend to question the methods and motivations especially when you dig down and find that the expert has done a six week course somewhere or other. Laurie has hit on the point I raised regarding mild development issues because I knew some familes who had children whose ‘problems’ vanished in a matter of months and I wonder if they had gone into the system would they have been stigmatised down the line because of this? It is astonishing to see the amount of information stored on people and how easy it is to gain access to it.

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    Mute Ann Harman
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    Sep 9th 2013, 3:52 PM

    Well put

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    Mute Tanya Curry
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    Sep 9th 2013, 4:33 PM

    With the greatest of respect I sense you have never been down this path with a child of your own? If you have you would understand it is a very long process full of red tape and even longer waiting lists. No child is diagnosed who display only temporary issues / problematic behaviour etc. However early intervention DOES hugely help with these behaviours as well as the child’s development and potential. Every parent (whether their child has special needs or not) wants their child to reach their own potential and be an accepted and happy person, be it in school or later in life in the workplace etc. These services are vital for children with special needs. Often it is a relief when they are diagnosed as finally some help and resources are available after a long hard battle to get to that point.

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 5:38 PM

    “Often it is a relief when they are diagnosed as finally some help and resources are available after a long hard battle to get to that point.”
    That long hard battle excludes the temporary difficulties that children often experience. I fought a short sharp one many years ago when I realised that I was dealing with [less said the better] and paid for a visit to a consultant who sorted things out in jig time

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 6:28 PM

    Morticia, the only person confusing ‘temporary glitches’ and longterm, permanent special needs is you. I’m sure there are many parents out there who wish their child’s challenges could be sorted out with a quick visit to a consultant. The truth is staring them in the face every day and keeping them from their sleep every night. It has them fighting like dogs for every measly scrap they can get to improve their childrens’ lives. It has raised their stress levels and alienated them from friends and family.

    Do not come here and make little of the lives of others and question the diagnoses they have had to fight tooth and nail for. Not because it was ‘cool’ or they needed the attention or someone who had done a six-week course told them to. Because there was something wrong with their child and it wasn’t going away and it still hasn’t gone away. Ok?

    You have high jacked this article for your own kicks and upset people by belittling the decisions they have made for their precious children. You must have little to do.

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    Mute Morticia
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    Sep 9th 2013, 6:40 PM

    Thank you Denise for failing to see the point I am making. I have not come here to ‘make little of the lives of others and question the diagnoses they have had to fight tooth and nail for” Your attack on me is unwarrented.Calm down and look outside of your own problem

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 7:11 PM

    Morticia, are you for real?

    You have made your point. Over and over again. We get it.

    You however, don’t seem to get anyone else’s even after detailed explanations.

    You continue to apply your own limited experience and cynicism to the experiences of parents with genuine problems. Go troll somewhere else.

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 10th 2013, 3:23 PM

    Well said Denise

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:34 AM

    Once again, Limerick very poorly catered for. Up until now, Limerick was the only county in Ireland without a dedicated autism unit / classroom. Two schools in the whole county, both in NCW. Delighted for NCW but what about the rest of the county?

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:26 PM

    Red hill is not in NCW and its a dedicated Autism School its just beyond Raheen but nothing for secondary students though in the city.

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:27 PM

    It’s also been around for a few years

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:29 PM

    I know that Catherine but this article is about dedicated classes in mainstream schools.

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    Mute Lorraine Dempsey
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    Sep 9th 2013, 12:30 PM

    See http://www.specialneedsparents.ie/the-facts/education/asd-units/#.Ui2xJ8Z02So for a list of existing and newly announced special classes.

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    Mute whistlestop
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    Sep 9th 2013, 11:49 AM

    There’s a list of all special classes on ncse.ie

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    Mute Maggie may
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    Sep 9th 2013, 8:40 PM

    There is no mention of increasing numbers of clinical supports offered to the children in these units. Whilst education can set up new units the hse is precluded from increasing the number of clinicians to support the units so most these units will have no slt or ot psychology etc

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    Mute Alix Fletcher
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    Sep 9th 2013, 2:06 PM

    Just that Catherine x

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    Mute Ruth Ac
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    Sep 10th 2013, 12:02 AM

    This is good news but all I see is complaining from people that they are not getting services and moaning about labels. You lot are so lucky to have these services now for your children.

    There were no support services 20 years ago. That is a fact of life. Early intervention is good and the best way to go.

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    Mute Ann Harman
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    Sep 9th 2013, 5:12 PM

    I was commenting on the comment by Catherine sims which I thought was well put spent a lot of my pre retirement years working with special young people

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Sep 10th 2013, 3:26 PM

    There wasn’t no services even 14 years ago when my son was born . They did come on line but by bit. The parents of today should not be grateful for the bits of services they get. They should fight for everything their children needs and not settle for less and this is what they are doing. Our kids deserve the same chances in life as every other child. We are vocal about this and we are going away.

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    Mute Ann Harman
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    Sep 9th 2013, 5:15 PM

    Was commenting on Catherine sims comment

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