THERE ARE A FEW things I miss from my life pre-kids.

Being able to leave the house at a second’s notice with only my keys and purse in hand, going the toilet on my own, control of the TV remote, wearing silk, cashmere or anything cream without The Fear, normal bras, a tummy that didn’t look like a deflated balloon (oh dear I feel I’ve broken the seal now…) impromptu nights out, never being concerned about things like head-lice and vomit basins, having no idea whatsoever about the goings on of Adventure Bay…

Ok, there are a lot of things I miss. Although obviously I offer all of the above with the obligatory parental disclaimer of how I wouldn’t change it for the world, blah, blah, blah.

But even taking that entire list into account, there is nothing that I miss more than sleep. For some reason, despite being a huge personal fan of shut-eye, I don’t seem to produce babies that like to sleep.

My eldest is now five and MOSTLY sleeps through the night, but I nearly broke myself trying to get him into a sleep routine. There were hours spent ‘sssh-ing’ and patting his bottom, willing him with a variety of costly sleep aids to want to sleep in his cot.

In the end I opted for the path of least resistance and he slept in the bed with me, feeding throughout the night and waking every few hours. With number two, I instantly relinquished any attempt at control.

He falls asleep on me and I carry him up to our bed where we co-sleep and he wakes to feed three or more times a night. Don’t judge me. Or do. I’m too tired to care.

The topic of sleep dominates the wakeful hours of many a parent Do you accept your baby’s own schedule? Or try to instil a regular routine? Comfort? Co-sleep? Cry it out?

There’s no one right answer, really, but it can still be helpful to hear what works for other people. I spoke to eight parents to hear how they managed (or didn’t manage). Here goes…

‘Controlled crying’ worked for us: I tried this with my son when he was two and it worked very quickly. Instead of lifting him from the cot when he woke in the night and taking him into our bed, we went in and out lying him down, ssshing him and then leaving the room. For the first night this went on for 1.5 hours, second night it was an hour and then that was it. It worked really quickly! And it lasted six months… until he moved into a bed and realised he could do what he liked!

- Eimear

By baby number two, we dropped the routine: We did controlled crying for our first and it was horrendous and exhausting for all of us. Didn’t bother with our second and life was far better for all.

- Sarah D

He wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on top of me for the first few months: I have  a 2.5 year old and a three month old. I never intended on bed sharing but it was a necessity with my first. For the first few months, he would only sleep when lying on me. If I tried to leave the bed, even to go to the bathroom, he would wail! It’s only now that he’s starting to settle but he still needs one of us beside him.

I can understand it though. I’ve always thought it odd that adults insist a child should sleep on their own and yet they get to sleep beside their partner – and why? Because it’s nice to be close to someone! Why on earth would a child not love, and need, to be close to his parents? 

- Siobhán

We paid a sleep consultant to advise on training: The process worked on the theory that everything is connected. Our consultant advised on everything from food and breastfeeding to sleep routines. At the time my son was six-months-old and waking every 1.5 hours to feed.

The sleep training involved leaving him for five minutes when he woke up then going in to say ‘sleepy time’ and doing the same every one, two and then three minutes until he was asleep. We never got to five minutes. In two nights, he slept from 7pm to 2am and within a week – all night! My husband did the training and I slept out of earshot as I couldn’t listen to him cry. It worked for us and I was able to be a good mum again after feeling broken and depressed from a month of never getting more than an hour of sleep at a time.

- Sarah

Shutterstock / Tomsickova Tatyana Shutterstock / Tomsickova Tatyana / Tomsickova Tatyana

A sleep specialist worked for us too: Before then, naps were all over the place and I was rocking until my arms ached, then placing baby down with the grace of a ninja so as not to wake him. That’s when I got in touch with a specialist (we used Niamh O’Reilly from The Nursery). After one night of her guidance he was going to sleep himself and within days he was turning over when I said ‘goodnight’. Three years later, I went back to her again – this time with my daughter – and literally from the first night, her advice worked. My sister has kids who take a lot of cajoling to sleep so I think I know what to get her for Christmas!

- Deirdre

Sometimes there are six of us in the bed: With my first I was all about The Routine and spent hours hanging over his crib, sssh-ing and getting a dead arm. I even tried cry it out methods. I wish I hadn’t, and that I’d just listened to him and myself. With my other children I followed their lead and we embraced co-sleeping.

Yes it’s cramped when the six of us are in the one bed and I might have a foot in my face but I also feel my heart could burst with joy that I have these wonderful people so close to me. When they need a bit of extra care they hop in, it’s their safe haven. People say I’ve made a rod for my own back. I’ve made a rod alright but it’s one that supports the mental health and wellbeing of my family.

- Claire

After 14 months, we finally set out a routine: Despite being a healthy 14-month-old, our son refused to sleep through the night and would wake intermittently every three hours or so. Eventually we forked out €180 for a sleep trainer and it was the best money ever spent.

She talked us through an average day and night and set up a structured routine for us, from the moment the baby woke up until we put him down at night. We used the ‘pick up put down’ method, which is much gentler than Cry It Out. It took three nights to crack him. Having a routine and sticking to it may seem the most obvious thing in the world but when you’re totally sleep-deprived, being consistent can become a huge challenge. Stick with it!

- Mel

I nursed and rocked mine to sleep with the help of the boob: I didn’t do sleep training with my babies. My first has known her own mind from the moment she was born and I know she would not have taken kindly to me enforcing any sort of routine on her. I nursed her to sleep until she was past three years and although there were tough nights looking back it was mostly a lovely experience. I would watch her as her eyes grew heavy until they finally closed. She’s five now and goes to sleep after a story, usually without issue. I always found the idea of sleep training stressful. I don’t like the idea of leaving them to cry or trying to make them sleep at a set time rather than when they are tired. I also don’t understand why I shouldn’t use the most useful tool I have to get my baby to sleep – my boobs!

- Deborah