THERE’S NO PARENTING rule book or child-raising manual. For the most part we just have to figure things out on our own, which is easier said than done.
Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out if they’re on the right track with a parenting decision, or if they’ve gotten something 100% wrong. To get a balanced view of the situation, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.
My sister lives abroad and refuses to vaccinate her son, who’s six. She’s invited our family to her house for a week this summer. I’m reluctant to bring my kids (1 and 4) as they haven’t had all their own jabs yet so I’m planning on making up an excuse to get us out of the trip. My kids adore their cousin though and rarely see him. Am I being unreasonable by keeping them away?
No, you’re being reasonable – and you’re being responsible. This one is pretty simple. The sole consideration should be her own kid’s health, and your sisters decision merits the harsh consequences.
I think you’re being unreasonable. I don’t know how helpful it is to make a pariah out of your own sister for not vaccinating her child. If I found myself in that situation with my sister I’d really try and engage with her on the subject, ask her to share what she’s been reading and hearing that has led her to her decision about not vaccinating.
No, you’re being reasonable. By the sounds of it the person doesn’t want to spend a week with their sister In which case it is a totally reasonable excuse!
Yes, you’re being unreasonable. The problem isn’t that your child might get a disease from her child, it’s that having more unvaccinated people around in general increases the danger for everyone – especially people who are particularly at risk (newborns etc). The decision to keep your kids away from their cousins is more about making a statement to your sister than keeping them safe.
No, I think you’re being perfectly reasonable. She’s chosen to isolate herself from vaccinations and this is the consequence. Your kids need to be healthy. I would also be honest and say to your sister ‘I’m really sorry, but I don’t want my kids to get anything from your kid who hasn’t been vaccinated.’ The truth is the best policy.
Yes, you’re being unreasonable, because there’s no need to go to that extent. The exposure is more likely to be in the unvaccinated kid than the others. It’s the unvaccinated kid that is at higher risk (not the others).
Yes, you’re being unreasonable, but talking to your sister will help. If your youngest is one, they are likely to have had most of what they need vaccination-wise. My understanding re vaccination opt-outs is that it’s like people not finishing their antibiotic courses – it’s bad for the wider community in terms of how diseases mutate and become resistant to what is out there to combat them.
But on an individual basis, it’s the completely unvaccinated child who is at risk. I would speak to the sister though and explain that while you are leaning towards coming because you love her and want your children to be close, that she has given you a dilemma.
So what’s the final tally? Is our reader being unreasonable?
Yes – 4
No – 3
Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
Do you have a parenting issue you need advice on? Do you find yourself asking if you’re being unreasonable? Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.
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