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WELCOME TO THE Weird Wide Web – where we take a look at the week’s best offerings in tech and social media news.
NASA is aiming to produce oxygen on Mars with its 2020 rover experiment. Researchers will look at whether the air on the planet can be converted, bringing us one step closer to having life on Mars…
We’re all guilty of Googling symptoms we’re having and trying to diagnose ourselves but are consequently well aware of how terrifying the results can be. This app gives you some of the immediacy of searching it on the internet but, in this instance, you get a response from a real doctor. If you fall down the stairs and break your leg though, we’d still advise you to go straight to the hospital…
For many people, parking is the worst part of driving. This system would see your car park itself and then come and pick you up at the door of the hotel or office you’ve parked at. Very Bond-esque.
Buzzfeed found this great (and very addictive) little browser game that’s basically like playing foosball on your computer. Enjoy…
Scammers are now using sexts to extort thousands of dollar from users of an online dating site in the US, Business Insider reports. They first pose as daters, coax users into sending sexually explicit pictures of themselves and then identify themselves as a sheriff’s deputy looking for child predators. To avoid prosecution, they are told they can can pay a fine.
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…
Classic. Funniest thing I read in ages :)
Agree, very funny indeedy! Sorry Lily, I’ve just shared this on fb :)
Where do you think I found it ; )… I had to share…
* It’s been doing the rounds since at least 2008. In one form or another with people adding their own take on it… It called ’2 cows’ if you want to google it…
Brilliant.
For the sake of the cows, Ireland and Northern Ireland should just become the one country. Again.
This Linda Martin story keeps on mooing.
Didn’t the Church do away with Limbo?
So the problem is that they have to label the cows as Irish-born, British slaughtered, yes? All for the sake of travelling a few kilometres.
Couldn’t they just label them as Irish-born, reared and slaughtered? Even Paisley proudly calls himself Irish (his own words) by virtue of the fact that Northern Ireland is still part of the island of Ireland. So why can’t the cows be Irish too? Labelling problem solved. Everyone can calm down, relax and take a breather. This economic crisis that could have brought the continent to a screeching halt has been averted, so the European Parliament can go back to discussing the shapes of bananas instead.
Cows in limbo priceless
Limbo’s burgers
Some load of bull
I know a farmer in Roscommon. I wonder if he will let me try convince one of his cows to shimmy under a low fence to the sound of some Calypso music.
Limbo, Limbo, Limbo!
They are up in the dall
Seriously though Irish beef factories paying poor prices at the moment for home grown stock. They dont want farmers cattle. Not even interested in Bord Bia quality assured animals. The have sheds full of their own fit for slaughter. LH reg (Goodman country)lorries delivering cattle into Goodman factory into Bandon . Same story different year.
Sectarianism rears its ugly head again. Are cattle religious? This could get messy.
So these cows haven’t been baptised then?
All i remember about that article is, ive got 2 cows.
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