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IF YOU’RE THE type of person who doesn’t like surprises, read on.
Old Moore’s Almanac, which has been around for 252 years, makes predictions for the upcoming 12 months at the end of each year – sometimes they’re fairly accurate and sometimes, er, wide of the mark.
Last year, for example, it successfully predicted several events, including:
Here are more of its predictions for the year gone by.
So what’s the first thing the latest almanac tells us about next year?
“Unfortunately 2016 will not be a year that will be remembered fondly.”
Great, off to a good start.
What’s next?
“Slight earthquake for Ireland in 2016.”
Oh right. No further details are available at present.
So what’s going to happen in politics?
Hillary Clinton is “the one to watch in global politics”. Donald Trump will not be delighted with this news.
Meanwhile, Labour’s Alex White is “the one to watch in domestic politics”.
Does Joan Burton need to watch out?
In other political news, the almanac predicts there will be an assassination attempt on Barack Obama.
Sport
If you live in Mayo, the six decades-long wait for Sam Maguire is apparently due to end, with the county tipped for All-Ireland football success (they last held the cup in 1951).
Galway is set to win the hurling.
To be fair, the almanac correctly predicted the winners of both sports this year so 2016 could be a big sporting year for the west.
Celebrity news
On an entirely different note, George Clooney’s marriage will supposedly hit a rough patch – as will Scarlett Johansson’s and Nicole Kidman’s. No word on whether these incidents are related.
Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj and Nicky and Paris Hilton will all have babies, which is nice. Although, the almanac predicted a baby for one of the heiress sisters this year and it didn’t come to pass.
In other entertainment news, there’ll be a “celebrity brush with a shark”.
Medals!
In a category that could be classed as ‘exciting but vague’, Ireland will win medals (no sport or context is given) and jetpacks are set to finally become an actual thing.
The almanac also tells us: “We will get amazing news from Jupiter.”
As far as the weather goes, it will be “another mixed year like 2015, but with more rain – intensely mediocre”. The prediction continues: “No heavenly summers or perfect white Christmases need apply.”
Here are the rest of the almanac’s predictions for 2016:
Get thee to a betting shop, or a bunker – depending on how you view the predictions.
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If whoever is disturbing the weather could please stop, that’d be great. Thanks.
@Dave Gillen: do you mean the good old gas guzzling USA!
@D O’S: God alone controls the weather, according to one of the most highly paid, expense claiming, contract winning public servants in the country
@Dermot Lane: don’t forget the fairies there a nasty bunch especially when they eat too much and drive.
@Dave Gillen: this is typical sensational journalism at its finest. It’s Ireland for Christ sake. We can handle some wind and rain.
@Noel Barnes: yes just close the Dall doors
@Noel Barnes: Wind and rain maybe, but dry and warm and the Country is fecked for months
Is this the end of the hose pipe ban so ted?
@alan doyle: ban on jox on washing lines now.
A red weather day would be great. Get the bread in
@Nell foran: Ah yeah, I’d love an auld red weather warning day…it’s been a while..
@Ben Jamen: 11 months already!
I don’t like when its very windy. Just saying
@aidan mccormack: Hurricane Bread, when it’s red we’re your bread
They said on the weather earlier it would tail off and not be as strong by the time it heads to Ireland, it’s more so heading for France
More fake news.
@Paul: You can even see on the map that it’s fully in the dark green / weakest stage by the time it hits the Irish coast. It’s due to be downgraded to a storm in the next few hours so it’s not going to be much by the time it hits here in 4 days. Torrential rain at most. Anything for a few more clicks on an article though I guess.
@Shane Corry: it’s Brennan’s bread propaganda.
@Paul: if only the weather could change.
Oh it has. Direct hit Ireland. But it could change again. That’s weather for you.
@Paul: Stop being silly. It’s not fake news. It’s all stated probability. If you did your own cross checking you would know they reported correctly.
So is that like a Red Weather Warning Warning?
Just in time for the Ploughing :(
Journal ‘The Storm is currently making its way towards the South East of the US Coast’ Did you even look at your graphic? You make TV3 weather look professional!
@Dónal: It hasn’t turned back towards us yet. That’s just tea leaf reading in the pic. Open the earth nullschool website and use the double chevrons to see the tracking they’re predicting.
Picked a great time to quit eating bread.
I don’t know about Helene but Hurricane Florence was hacked by the Russians around 1am.
@Mike Walsh: I think that any weather with my name is going to be soft like me!
They haven’t a fu€king clue really about the weather.
As the Washington Post said yesterday, Trump is complicit.
@Herbert: really? Bloody hell. What was there context?
@Dave O Keeffe: Global warming and his decision to drop out of the Paris accord.
@Herbert: they’re still in the Paris accord though. Silly Post.
@Herbert: There’s a list of their articles here ; https://www.washingtonpost.com/hurricane-florence-stories/?utm_term=.3d0feefd280e
could you show us which one that you are on about,thanks
I think they should shut schools down for 2 weeks just Incase
We are going to get the tail end of a few hurricanes this year, like we do every year. Nothing major to worry about Ophelia was a freak that changed course at the last moment so potential of us getting a direct hit are slim. Although a red wind day off would be nice
Woof woof
@Martin Brennan: Always with the negative waves…
That Picture……Hurricane Hard-On
This is a weak, tea-coloured weather warning. Make sure you know where the umbrella is, and buy lots of bread.
Perhaps,maybe,if,would,could,blah,blah………
Load of crap. It’s going to be 30 degrees next week
@Joeh: yup…here in Fuertaventura!
Here we go again folks….after the drought comes the rain. Better start buying rain barrels, then we won’t be short of water next summer!
The under headline lacks some geographical knowledge. Perhaps some confusion with so many storms out there. TS Helene is a bit nearer the Azores than SE USA.
pi$$ off Helen!
@Andy: Helene even
have your say