Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
“CAN WE GET take-out from Eddie Rocket’s, because Paul doesn’t like the food in our house?” That was the six-year-old, clearly suffering social anxiety around the afternoon’s playdate. Naturally, my first reaction was ‘right, just for that, I’m going to serve snails and frog’s legs out of human skulls…’ But of course I didn’t. Because, not only do we have playdates these days – relentless, regulated social interaction for the under-12s – but we actually care whether the playdate child has a good time or not.
The idea that my mother, back in the day, would ever have altered the menu (cabbage leaves rolled into cigar shapes filled with brown rice and chopped lamb, anyone?) or schedule (lots of minding of small brothers and sisters and general ‘helping’) in order to cosy up to a visiting child, is a bit like thinking Mount Everest might bend down and help the dear little climbers to the summit. Impossible, and against nature. Back then, playdates were rare (and certainly didn’t have an actual name), and far more ‘take as you find.’
These days, they are such a minefield that I know one woman who has the whole thing laid out on a spreadsheet: who went where, when; who was asked back (who wasn’t…); and what various kids’ friends will or won’t eat. ‘It’s just much easier,’ she tells me. I guess it might be, but I still feel a strong urge to lie down and cry when I hear that.
Socially, we pitch these playdates as no big deal. Relaxed, fun, a laugh. Just the same as corporate law firms do with their Team-Building Away Days, when everyone knows damn well that their abilities and commitment to the firm are being extrapolated from the way they react to swinging on a knotted rope across a muddy swamp. Yes, playdates are basically the office parties of kid-land: the stakes are higher than they seem, the waters more treacherous than they look, and opting out is harder than you think.
Food is the biggest hurdle. This is where the Eddie Rockets question comes in. How to handle the really fussy eaters? Ignore them? Lie down on the ground prostrate in front of them and grovel? I have one kid who regularly comes to the house who simply gives me the thumbs up or down, like a Roman Emperor deciding the fate of a gladiator. I put food in front of him, out comes the thumb – up, or down. Sometimes the thumb goes up, then turns slowly, rotates… down. Die, gladiator! (Or in this case, toasted bagel, because it has sesame seeds clinging to its underside). Luckily, I like him.
Another child eats only three things: plain pasta, salted peanuts and roast potatoes. Nothing else will cross his lips. Before his first ever visit to the house, his mother explained this to me, in some embarrassment, then added cheerfully, ‘but I wouldn’t worry too much. He doesn’t seem to starve…’ Most kids will happily consume pizza, burgers, chips and of course sugar in any form. But – before we all run away with that, don’t think they won’t tell their mother: ‘it was great, X’s mum just gave us jelly worms and sherbet for lunch!’ – at which point you will be judged as very irresponsible and possible undesirable.
If a child has food allergies – proper ones I mean, not the kind of ‘my little Xanthia only eats quinoa and goji berries’ type – it is entirely reasonable to ask for a detailed list, including brand names where possible, of foods that are OK. I have been badly caught out by a dairy intolerance and hot dogs in my time; because dairy lurks in the most unexpected places, and goes by a variety of sneaky names.
As for what activities they engage in, this is a little bit easier. Let them do what they want, within reason. Obviously they can’t spend the afternoon teasing the baby, or the cat, but neither must you feel obliged whip them into a series of choreographed North Korean-style rallies to showcase the gloriousness of the regime. If they want to bash toy cars together or just watch a DVD, let them at it.
And finally, resist competitive playdating as much as possible. When the mother comes to collect, do not tell her how you all played ‘Super Eye-Spy’ and Junior Scrabble, or how you ‘gave them all tofu but I was so surprised that Johnny has never seen an avocado before…’ because she will hate you. Rightly.
Emily Hourican is a journalist with the Sunday Independent and author of How To Really Be A Mother, a funny, honest examination of modern motherhood. Follow her on twitter @EmilyH71
The EU moto is ‘Unity in Diveristy’. Not much Unity if less than half the member states can decide the course of the Union.
I think you said it all there Ryan
People voted for this in the Lisbon Treaty. So they haven’t a leg to stand on now.
It is all very fucked though.
Ah the big boys are becoming worried ……
The Treaty is the stumbling block…
the Dow Jones and The Wall St Journal???….
It is all coming ot now.
Time to get out of the Euro.
Stand up to these Economic Terrorists.
Once again, Europe is not suffering from a “Democratic Deficit”; it is however, suffering from a Dictatorial Surplus.
Again we have the usual build up just in case a referendum is needed. Already I can see the “sky is falling” arguments that will come from those lesser gifted members of the public who sit in the Dáil. But they have already told us we won’t need another bailout so we can happily vote against this treaty if it goes to a referendum, isn’t that right boys?
Pull on your green jersey Mark! Pull it on I say!!
“orders must be obeyed at all times without question”!
Mercozy will get what they want one way or another….we don’t have any true politicians within the government to tell them to go fuck themselves.
By the time the treaty is agreed and signed chances are that Sarkozy won’t be the president of France anymore. The French presidential election takes place in April/May this year and he is trailing the socialist candidate François Hollande in all of the recent opinion polls by quite a distance. I don’t think Hollande will have the same approach to this problem that Sarkozy has so it could be interesting to see what happens if the gets elected.
Barring something strange Merkel has until September next year to stay in power but the smaller party in her coalition government is being hammered in the polls at the moment so who knows what might happen.
Yes I saw that last night on twitter and the fear factor will now be cranked into panic mode.
If we don’t sign they eu will not fund us that appears to be the mantra.
Well mr and mrs EU if that’s the case then you leave us no choice but to declare we are paying nobody else.
The E U would never allow that as the confusion and panic it would put the markets in would be massive.
However Mr and Mrs E U give us a 66% write down and I am sure we could persuade Market.
There is a massive assumption that we have to dance to a tune but let’s get some people to go on the offensive now by saying we will delay NOT default on next weeks payment of 1.25 million and see what trees that rattles.
We cannot just sit back and take this.
The E U would have more respect for us if we fought back.
Very true. We have gutless politicians with no backbone. So much for a EU of equals.
Sorry 1.25 billion
While Merkosy struggle to maintain a united front on how to proceed, division rather than concensus is growing at national level in the rest of Europe. Considerable arm twisting will, no doubt, be applied.
Only Ireland has a chance of a referendum and we must not be bullied into accepting this treaty. This crisis cannot become a vehicle for crushing democratic principles and leading to even more instability.
Petition attached for those who believe this decision is too important to be left to government.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/call-for-a-referendum-on-the-esm-treaty/
Finlands misgivings over Europes current direction.
http://mobile.bloomberg.com/news/2012-01-19/finland-derides-crisis-as-excuse-for-eroding-sovereignty.html
Draft treaty in full.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financialcrisis/9026142/The-EU-fiscal-draft-treaty-in-full.html
Let the scaremongering begin………We’ll go bust before next Christmas without it………….We’ll be kicked outta Europe………Merkel will eat your first born if we don’t sign. Please, save me the scare tactics.
Let’s scare them “ok guys we are declaring a default now fuck off to the insurers and get paid ”
It’s risky who stands to loose more e u system and world trade agreements or us?
Excellent Mark, couldn’t have said it better myself. However, prepare yourself for the inevitable bulls–t when they tell us they were taken “out of context” when they told us that lie.
A yes.The two teir europe is coming.Looks like those who dont sign up to this will be kicked to the kirb.
Which would mean we’d be away from the train wreck if we voted no to this thing, Can’t wait to see the majority No vote if there is a referendum I’d say it’ll be ultra-decisive.
Yep, proletariat, unite! Let’s build this utopia! The states that don’t want it are simply too stupid to think for themselves, so will will force onto them for their own good!
That first tweet doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
The treaty can only come into force for countries that sign up for it. So it shouldn’t matter whether its 1 country, 5, 12 or 27 that sign it. The provision will only afffect those who agree to it.
For examply the UK has already said it won’t sign up for the treaty so therefore none of its rules will apply to the UK. The same would be true for any other country the didn’t sign up for it and a few of them are considering whether to do so or not.
The second tweet is fairly self-evident. If you want to avail of funds from the new mechanism then you agree to sign up to the rules that apply to it.
have your say